miserycel
aching for ardour
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2025
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she is very strong
always made sure that the necessities were there
food, a bed, clothes etc
and I’ll always be grateful for that
but she was severely neglecting
i remember i cut myself when i was 12 (dealing with some heavy stuff at a young age and was kinda edgy, no my arms aren’t full of scars) and she found out and she just shamed me and gossiped to her friends about how i was an attention seeking brat
was severely socially impaired to the point i would go non verbal a lot of the time and she never took me to get any kind of treatment or therapy, once again dismissed as attention seeking
she herself had a lot of trauma and basically dumped it all on me and my siblings, even a minor mistake such as spilling milk on the floor would lead to a one hour crash out over how she has such a hard life and im only contributing to it
on several occasions from as young as 11 she’s told me how she’s ashamed to call me her son and even made careless jokes about how she should’ve gotten an abortion
there’s a lot more but im not here to spill every minute drop of my fucked up childhood. i forgive all of it and put it past her because at the end of the day she’s my mother, and i also know that she is severely mentally compromised because of her own suffering that she will never understand what she put me through, but if im being honest with myself it was her who set me on this path
she cared too much about her own mental state and her own issues, completely dismissed and neglected any bad signs (and rather added to them) i had growing up. growing up as a neurodivergent and genetically unfortunate child with abusive parents is what made me the truecel i am today.
im not a bitch who will mope and blame it all on my mother, because even if it’s her accountability, at the end of the day it is my life and thus my responsibility. i just wonder had i had a mother who recognised my psychological implications, and did not emotionally torment me my entire childhood, maybe i would’ve turned out different
always made sure that the necessities were there
food, a bed, clothes etc
and I’ll always be grateful for that
but she was severely neglecting
i remember i cut myself when i was 12 (dealing with some heavy stuff at a young age and was kinda edgy, no my arms aren’t full of scars) and she found out and she just shamed me and gossiped to her friends about how i was an attention seeking brat
was severely socially impaired to the point i would go non verbal a lot of the time and she never took me to get any kind of treatment or therapy, once again dismissed as attention seeking
she herself had a lot of trauma and basically dumped it all on me and my siblings, even a minor mistake such as spilling milk on the floor would lead to a one hour crash out over how she has such a hard life and im only contributing to it
on several occasions from as young as 11 she’s told me how she’s ashamed to call me her son and even made careless jokes about how she should’ve gotten an abortion
there’s a lot more but im not here to spill every minute drop of my fucked up childhood. i forgive all of it and put it past her because at the end of the day she’s my mother, and i also know that she is severely mentally compromised because of her own suffering that she will never understand what she put me through, but if im being honest with myself it was her who set me on this path
she cared too much about her own mental state and her own issues, completely dismissed and neglected any bad signs (and rather added to them) i had growing up. growing up as a neurodivergent and genetically unfortunate child with abusive parents is what made me the truecel i am today.
im not a bitch who will mope and blame it all on my mother, because even if it’s her accountability, at the end of the day it is my life and thus my responsibility. i just wonder had i had a mother who recognised my psychological implications, and did not emotionally torment me my entire childhood, maybe i would’ve turned out different
). I had to watch him scream at her constantly, and eventually I ended up moving from one foster family to another throughout my childhood.
