I need a reality check

[Mirrow]

I used to have a mediocre physique that I managed to maintain with my history of kickboxing (12 years) and sit at around 77 kg, but ever since my mother got into an accident and had to get surgery I've stopped eating and lost a lot of weight, I barely have 68 kg these days, I've been rocking between 64 - 69 kgs for a couple of months.
My mother is fine now but I can't maintain longevity with my workouts anymore, I find myself quitting after 1 month for no reason, I feel like a bitch boy and thing is I am a bitch boy.
Ever since I got into University I stopped attending kickboxing because the program was too demanding, and now I'm a skinny bum with narrow clavicles, I've been too focused on trying to maximize my face.
I need a purpose again, shame me, throw everything you got at me, I need hate as fuel, I need to prove you all wrong.

 

[Jesus_ist_König]

ugly body

 

[nazarX]

Dnr sorry

 

[kingofearth]

I used to have a mediocre physique that I managed to maintain with my history of kickboxing (12 years) and sit at around 77 kg, but ever since my mother got into an accident and had to get surgery I've stopped eating and lost a lot of weight, I barely have 68 kg these days, I've been rocking between 64 - 69 kgs for a couple of months.
My mother is fine now but I can't maintain longevity with my workouts anymore, I find myself quitting after 1 month for no reason, I feel like a bitch boy and thing is I am a bitch boy.
Ever since I got into University I stopped attending kickboxing because the program was too demanding, and now I'm a skinny bum with narrow clavicles, I've been too focused on trying to maximize my face.
I need a purpose again, shame me, throw everything you got at me, I need hate as fuel, I need to prove you all wrong.

How tall are you? to be 68kg and have this type of frame, you must be over 6'1, 6'2.

You don't need to "prove" anyone wrong, you need to prove yourself wrong. You don't need shit as fuel, do it for your mother. That reason alone should be sufficient, if it's not, you don't care enough. 12 years of kickboxing, how old are you?

 

[Mirrow]

I'm 19, I'm 186.5 (I think that's 6'1 and half or smth) but I think I'll be 187 I've been growing this whole year.
I think you're right though, I still think I need something to snap me back in and work on this body, being shamed on was a great motivator back in the day.

 

[kingofearth]

I'm 19, I'm 186.5 (I think that's 6'1 and half or smth) but I think I'll be 187 I've been growing this whole year.
I think you're right though, I still think I need something to snap me back in and work on this body, being shamed on was a great motivator back in the day.

It was, but you're forgetting the key concept.

Energy is a finite resource

Especially motivational fuel. When you get to a point which is semi-comfortable, that fuel dies out. You need to learn to get up and do shit when you have no drive, no motivation, absolutely nothing your life is fucked up and you're stuck in a sewer of shit. The people who still get up on those days and grind, that is what separates the person you know you could be vs what you're currently experiencing, a completely different version of reality.

It's easy to conquer when your body is feeling great, when you're well rested, when there's a proper event forcing it, this is all dependence. Who are you when you have absolutely nothing? You should be able to have no drive, no passion, no fucking shit and still manage to perform at the highest of levels.

You don't need a purpose to perform. You should be performing regardless. One day that time to perform will come up, and on your current trajectory, you will not be ready for that.

 

[Mirrow]

Thank you.
This really means a lot to me.

 

[kingofearth]

Thank you.
This really means a lot to me.

Checkmark to the right, mark previous message as solution G.

It's called "sovereignty" and the inconsistency, and other problems you mentioned is something I related too previously. Learn what sovereignty is and how it applies truly to real world scenarios, day in, day out. Keep grinding Mirrow. Identity is not, and never is permanent. The second you jump off the gas, you go right back to your old self. That's just how everyone is.

You should be able to pull and find strength in knowing that no one wants to be where you're at right now. For example, running at 4 or 5 in the morning. No body wants to do it. Pull strength from those places.