I Never Was Anything

Zesto

Zesto

ベルセルク
Joined
Aug 11, 2018
Posts
2,155
Reputation
1,230
All I was, was just a Japan worshipping otaku.

Dime a dozen really, I'm not even one of the best. I'm one of the laziest. Many others put me to shame in terms of their dedication (and I mean true dedication not shit posting) to learning Japanese and immersing themselves in Japanese culture.

@knajjd is right. In 1-2 months I'd be forgotten, no one would bring me up again.

That's just the way of the world. In high school you could have best friends but often you drift apart and never see them again, you still like them, but it just happens you spread away.

That's why people need to do things that will build a lasting legacy.

Even the girls I would ascend with when I spend a month in Tokyo. When I move to Japan I might never see them again. I would've loved them and they would've loved me but it would only be for a short time.

They will find boyfriends and husbands and move on, I'd just be another lover they had.

Even the people in my discord who are my brothers. They might grow bored, stop logging in, quit my server, stop talking, leave discord.

Doesn't mean I don't like them or they don't like me. People just move on.

If I could lead my life in a way that I could find one Japanese woman to spend the rest of my life and have a family together then that's something that lasts.

Or someone building a company that's successful, that's something else that can last.

But friends, popularity, is all transitory.

To say I was nothing is not to denigrate myself or my time on incels.is which I enjoyed but more to say in the grand scheme of things what really matters is finding love.

For example someone could strive to be the top rank in a video game, they could be the best, but then the sequel comes out, people move to the new game, and none of the prestige that person attained means anything anymore.

You could be a Chad and have sex with a 1000 girls but it's just like the gamer. It's all transitory and it doesn't last.

So in my life if I could find something that would last, like that Japanese woman when I finally move there permanently, who would be with me forever.

Then I could say my life was well spent.

I don't write this thread with any animosity but merely philosophizing on what is truly important in life and what feels important at the time but really is just transitory and fleeting.

And this is all ModestyMaxxing because I agree with @knajjd I've got some narcissistic tendencies and as part of my JapanMaxxing I want to try to help myself with that because the Japanese are a very modest people despite often being extremely talented, they always downplay it.

I remember I had a RuneScape clan and a Gears of War 2 clan and it was fun while it lasted but it didn't last. We all drifted apart.

So I will enjoy things while I have them and try not to things for granted anymore

Of course I don't think you should have no narcissism because you need some self-confidence to get anything done and to value yourself but I could see with me how it could become a problem.

But I don't think it's too late for me to change because I'm aware of it.

I want to be the gentle boy I am I don't want to be the kind of person ER was. His narcissism was disgusting and also his undoing.
 
DeformAspergerCel

DeformAspergerCel

forced into celibacy by shit genetics
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Posts
1,589
Reputation
1,993
yes bro. Finding lasting love is infinite amount of times more important than screwing as many girls one can. I thought I had the prior, only to be discarded like nothing of what we had even mattered to begin with. She cut me off completely, even while supposedly "loving" me. She didn't care how I felt when that happened. I wanted to settle down and start a family with her and we were well on our way of doing so, then she does this. She tossed me aside and left me to rot while she went with someone else whose company she's probably enjoying as we speak. Existence is a scam
 
Zesto

Zesto

ベルセルク
Joined
Aug 11, 2018
Posts
2,155
Reputation
1,230
yes bro. Finding lasting love is infinite amount of times more important than screwing as many girls one can. I thought I had the prior, only to be discarded like nothing of what we had even mattered to begin with. She cut me off completely, even while supposedly "loving" me. She didn't care how I felt when that happened. I wanted to settle down and start a family with her and we were well on our way of doing so, then she does this. She tossed me aside and left me to rot while she went with someone else whose company she's probably enjoying as we speak. Existence is a scam

You just need to move on. It was something in your life that wasn't going to last so you need to find someone that will.

I was thinking of much more popular users than I was, kointo, idkwattodowithlife, nausea.

They were loved but in reality they didn't accomplish anything.

Ritalincel is more popular and more loved than I was. Some of the people that called me a retarded spammer ironically loved him.

I like him too. But one day the site will shut down or something will happen and he will no longer like it and move on.

Then getting most posts or being most liked which felt good at the time is really not going to mean anything.

I remember this guy on incels he said he founded the subreddit that preceded incels or something like that.

Yet barely anyone knew him. You would think he was an important guy but what he did wasn't something that was going to last.

And with all this talk you may say well ER and Cho both did something that lasted but no it didn't.

Their lives ended as a result, and they didn't build or create anything they just destroyed themselves and others.

Something that lasts is a loving wife and family, successful kids that love you, a strong company or some sort of project like the people who made Reddit and Facebook and Linux or some sort of art like Akira Toriyama and Dragon Ball.

But much of what we consider important in our lives really doesn't matter.
 
11gaijin

11gaijin

Zephir
Joined
Aug 12, 2018
Posts
5,576
Reputation
6,613
yes bro. Finding lasting love is infinite amount of times more important than screwing as many girls one can. I thought I had the prior, only to be discarded like nothing of what we had even mattered to begin with. She cut me off completely, even while supposedly "loving" me. She didn't care how I felt when that happened. I wanted to settle down and start a family with her and we were well on our way of doing so, then she does this. She tossed me aside and left me to rot while she went with someone else whose company she's probably enjoying as we speak. Existence is a scam
Love is cope jfl
 
Zesto

Zesto

ベルセルク
Joined
Aug 11, 2018
Posts
2,155
Reputation
1,230
Love is cope jfl

Yeah but daisuki is all I want out of life.

I don't care if it started out over impure reasons such as we both lusted each other's bodies carnally.

If it could blossom into something pure from that, then I would be happy.
 
Swagwaffle

Swagwaffle

Quality Posts Only
Joined
Sep 9, 2018
Posts
5,643
Reputation
5,294
fuck can we get an audio version . There must be a text to speech button on a forum that would be next level shit @11gaijin get to it!
 
Zesto

Zesto

ベルセルク
Joined
Aug 11, 2018
Posts
2,155
Reputation
1,230
fuck can we get an audio version . There must be a text to speech button on a forum that would be next level shit @11gaijin get to it!

Copy and paste it into some text reader lol.

I write these long threads as a form of therapy, it helps keep my mind calm.

Some people do the same with letters addressed to no one, themselves, or people they don't send them to.
 
DeformAspergerCel

DeformAspergerCel

forced into celibacy by shit genetics
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Posts
1,589
Reputation
1,993
You just need to move on. It was something in your life that wasn't going to last so you need to find someone that will.

I was thinking of much more popular users than I was, kointo, idkwattodowithlife, nausea.

They were loved but in reality they didn't accomplish anything.

Ritalincel is more popular and more loved than I was. Some of the people that called me a retarded spammer ironically loved him.

I like him too. But one day the site will shut down or something will happen and he will no longer like it and move on.

Then getting most posts or being most liked which felt good at the time is really not going to mean anything.

I remember this guy on incels he said he founded the subreddit that preceded incels or something like that.

Yet barely anyone knew him. You would think he was an important guy but what he did wasn't something that was going to last.

And with all this talk you may say well ER and Cho both did something that lasted but no it didn't.

Their lives ended as a result, and they didn't build or create anything they just destroyed themselves and others.

Something that lasts is a loving wife and family, successful kids that love you, a strong company or some sort of project like the people who made Reddit and Facebook and Linux or some sort of art like Akira Toriyama and Dragon Ball.

But much of what we consider important in our lives really doesn't matter.
It's not feasible to expect finding lasting love in the west. I will tell you in all honesty that the girl I had, if only for a brief period of time, was quite incredible in terms of talent. Her drawing skills were out of this world, she could solve the most complex math equation and had virtually mastered the piano. I'll never find a girl quite like that again. I want to rot because of how embittered and suicidal that incident left me. I'm a bit better now, but what she did to me was incredibly traumatic. The first time I've ever truly let someone into my life, and a female at that, this happens. And to make things worse, it took her 1 week to find a new boyfriend after she weeded me out, where as I'm still rotting half a year after the incident.

I can't be in a relationship with a female again. It would deteriorate my psyche to the point whERe I'd do something I'd end up regretting for the rest of my life. Women are fucking scum
 
Zesto

Zesto

ベルセルク
Joined
Aug 11, 2018
Posts
2,155
Reputation
1,230
It's not feasible to expect finding lasting love in the west. I will tell you in all honesty that the girl I had, if only for a brief period of time, was quite incredible in terms of talent. Her drawing skills were out of this world, she could solve the most complex math equation and had virtually mastered the piano. I'll never find a girl quite like that again. I want to rot because of how embittered and suicidal that incident left me. I'm a bit better now, but what she did to me was incredibly traumatic. The first time I've ever truly let someone into my life, and a female at that, this happens. And to make things worse, it took her 1 week to find a new boyfriend after she weeded me out, where as I'm still rotting half a year after the incident.

I can't be in a relationship with a female again. It would deteriorate my psyche to the point whERe I'd do something I'd end up regretting for the rest of my life. Women are fucking scum

This Chinese girl is quite talented too. She will become an accountant, took all AP classes in high school, and entered with lots of college credits already. She will be graduating much younger than me and as part of her major needs 5 years instead of 4 and still will. She also took 3 years of Japanese in high school. She's your typical Asian overachiever and I'm a lazy/slacker American in comparison.

She's smarter than me too and because of my narcissism which I'm trying to fix I always consider myself the smartest man in the room.

Who cares. If I can't spend my life with her I need to find another girl I'd want to or wants to spend her life with me.
 
DeformAspergerCel

DeformAspergerCel

forced into celibacy by shit genetics
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Posts
1,589
Reputation
1,993
This Chinese girl is quite talented too. She will become an accountant, took all AP classes in high school, and entered with lots of college credits already. She will be graduating much younger than me and as part of her major needs 5 years instead of 4 and still will. She also took 3 years of Japanese in high school. She's your typical Asian overachiever and I'm a lazy/slacker American in comparison.

She's smarter than me too and because of my narcissism which I'm trying to fix I always consider myself the smartest man in the room.

Who cares. If I can't spend my life with her I need to find another girl I'd want to or wants to spend her life with me.
It's all just so depressing, man. It feels very foreign to me as well. I would've never gotten together with this girl had I met her irl as I'm not nearly as assertive there as I am online. It was only because I met her online that it was able to work out in real life. I've been denied attention from the opposite sex all my life, presumably because of my deformity that occurred through no fault of my own. I can be comfortable around women, but to ask one out would be completely unthinkable to me because I'm weird looking. I'm in a state of mental cuckery because of the way I've been treated by them.
 
Zesto

Zesto

ベルセルク
Joined
Aug 11, 2018
Posts
2,155
Reputation
1,230
It's all just so depressing, man. It feels very foreign to me as well. I would've never gotten together with this girl had I met her irl as I'm not nearly as assertive there as I am online. It was only because I met her online that it was able to work out in real life. I've been denied attention from the opposite sex all my life, presumably because of my deformity that occurred through no fault of my own. I can be comfortable around women, but to ask one out would be completely unthinkable to me because I'm weird looking. I'm in a state of mental cuckery because of the way I've been treated by them.

I don't remember any deformity when I saw your pics.

But yes I'm really shy inrl too. Even when I was in the voice chat of the server, I'm way higher inhib and feel timid.

You're just going to have to get over it, the answer on the other site would be LDAR, but that's the truth

Right now I'm kind of panicking. I never go out at night and I hate drinking/drunks but will have to go hard and night clubs in Tokyo but I'm going to go anyway because that's what I need to do to be happy with myself during my trip.
 
DeformAspergerCel

DeformAspergerCel

forced into celibacy by shit genetics
Joined
Nov 17, 2018
Posts
1,589
Reputation
1,993
I don't remember any deformity when I saw your pics.

But yes I'm really shy inrl too. Even when I was in the voice chat of the server, I'm way higher inhib and feel timid.

You're just going to have to get over it, the answer on the other site would be LDAR, but that's the truth

Right now I'm kind of panicking. I never go out at night and I hate drinking/drunks but will have to go hard and night clubs in Tokyo but I'm going to go anyway because that's what I need to do to be happy with myself during my trip.
alright man. Have fun
 
IntolerantSocialist

IntolerantSocialist

Nazbol Blackpilled Amoralist
Joined
Nov 27, 2018
Posts
2,201
Reputation
1,794
I don't go in the VC for obvious reasons. anyways, thats an issue normalfags have with incels. they only think they want sex when that's 90% not the case, love first, sex is a bonus. but I get weary of talking to NPC tards everyday over this issue.
 
Nibba

Nibba

Using HGH at 6'4 Crew
Joined
Aug 11, 2018
Posts
16,361
Reputation
16,601
yes bro. Finding lasting love is infinite amount of times more important than screwing as many girls one can. I thought I had the prior, only to be discarded like nothing of what we had even mattered to begin with. She cut me off completely, even while supposedly "loving" me. She didn't care how I felt when that happened. I wanted to settle down and start a family with her and we were well on our way of doing so, then she does this. She tossed me aside and left me to rot while she went with someone else whose company she's probably enjoying as we speak. Existence is a scam
Bro this is too much for me baked outta my mind rotcelling rn...?
 

Users who are viewing this thread

Top