PsychoDsk
Just a guy | ᴀʀᴄʜɪᴛᴇᴄᴛ ᴏꜰ ꜰᴀᴛᴇ
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- Jan 8, 2024
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good god it was embarrassing the first time she sent me a screenshot with the caption 'uhm what is this?'
I was obsessed with validation from currycels, I practically bathed in attention here everyday. Especially the slay and brag threads, man it felt so good to mog mfs here.
Then she read everything, every molecule. I mean, what I wrote here back in the day wasn't who I truly am you know. I'm actually nice and loving but I made it seem I was an invincible slayer god that had too much lust for words.
I wrote about every disgusting little habit, about every thought I had and have and she read it all.
the thing is, we were doing so good too. This was the time everything was supposed to work out, we were gonna love each other forever. She just started trusting me again (atleast to some degree) and then boom. everyday a new screenshot of every thread I ever made.
I mean, it's quite understandable she didn't trust me after that. I was kind of a retard, but I genuinely over exaggerated everything in terms of other girls. I never in my life felt something for someone else, it took me almost 2 years to fall in love with her but the damage was done anyway.
How the fuck do you even explain that anyway? there were threads about everything, I even once said I broke up with her a long time ago because 'she wouldn't sleep with me anymore' (in more vile words). Yes I wrote that but NO I didn't mean that shit. not even CLOSE.
I loved her and didn't give a single fuck about lust, I just wanted to be loved by her.
Then came the threads where I was bragging about other girls when we were broken up, those were the worst I think. I made it seem as if I had all girls in the world wrapped around my finger and never loved her and only cared about sex. Some of the shit I said was just genuinely disgusting too tho.
The truth is, while I met up with another girl back in the day I went home after being completely in despair because I could never find someone like her. but ofcourse, I couldn't let you guys know that I had a reputation to hold.
It sucks knowing that she'll never view me the same anymore as in the beginning. We were soooo good together. She's calm, kind, loving. I'm energetic, autistic and caring sometimes. She made me so incredibly happy, it didn't feel like a chore to console her. I genuinely wanted her, every part of her, forever. I used to take drives late at night daydreaming about our future and how we'd be so happy with little kids running around, until I screwed it up. Worst part is, she didn't even break up with me, I DID.
For one simple reason, I convinced myself she didn't love me anymore and wanted to leave me, so I left instead. The irony
First I destroyed every single bit of trust, and then I left. I do be retarded sometimes
SO HEREBY I DECLARE, I'm NOT an invincible chadlite slayer. I'm just a retarded egotistical chadlite that abandons everyone I love because I'm secretly scared to death.
And YES, she'll probably read this one too and yes I care deeply about what she'll think of this and me. I just wish I could've done things differently and somehow found a way for her to drill a hole in my brain and let her see herself through my eyes.
Oh well, these stories always end in the same way.
One day we'll meet at the grocery store, we lock eyes. I say hi and ask her about life. She tells me she's really happy and before she can finish her sentence, a little kid comes running to us 'mommy, mommy can I have some ice cream????????'. I act happy but I'm dying deep inside. I tell her 'I'm happy for you, we had a good run didn't we?', she tells me 'yes we did, it's a shame you pushed me away' as her little girl hugs her leg. we lock eyes one more time before we say goodbye. I'm shaking because I can't bare the way she still looks at me like she did back in the day, she smiles and says 'goodbye (...the way she used to always call me)'
Then I just pull out my AR15 and shoot everyone through their skull and get wasted on a 5$ bottle of bourbon.
I'm most likely gonna regret writing this when I wake up
I was obsessed with validation from currycels, I practically bathed in attention here everyday. Especially the slay and brag threads, man it felt so good to mog mfs here.
Then she read everything, every molecule. I mean, what I wrote here back in the day wasn't who I truly am you know. I'm actually nice and loving but I made it seem I was an invincible slayer god that had too much lust for words.
I wrote about every disgusting little habit, about every thought I had and have and she read it all.
the thing is, we were doing so good too. This was the time everything was supposed to work out, we were gonna love each other forever. She just started trusting me again (atleast to some degree) and then boom. everyday a new screenshot of every thread I ever made.
I mean, it's quite understandable she didn't trust me after that. I was kind of a retard, but I genuinely over exaggerated everything in terms of other girls. I never in my life felt something for someone else, it took me almost 2 years to fall in love with her but the damage was done anyway.
How the fuck do you even explain that anyway? there were threads about everything, I even once said I broke up with her a long time ago because 'she wouldn't sleep with me anymore' (in more vile words). Yes I wrote that but NO I didn't mean that shit. not even CLOSE.
I loved her and didn't give a single fuck about lust, I just wanted to be loved by her.
Then came the threads where I was bragging about other girls when we were broken up, those were the worst I think. I made it seem as if I had all girls in the world wrapped around my finger and never loved her and only cared about sex. Some of the shit I said was just genuinely disgusting too tho.
The truth is, while I met up with another girl back in the day I went home after being completely in despair because I could never find someone like her. but ofcourse, I couldn't let you guys know that I had a reputation to hold.
It sucks knowing that she'll never view me the same anymore as in the beginning. We were soooo good together. She's calm, kind, loving. I'm energetic, autistic and caring sometimes. She made me so incredibly happy, it didn't feel like a chore to console her. I genuinely wanted her, every part of her, forever. I used to take drives late at night daydreaming about our future and how we'd be so happy with little kids running around, until I screwed it up. Worst part is, she didn't even break up with me, I DID.
For one simple reason, I convinced myself she didn't love me anymore and wanted to leave me, so I left instead. The irony
First I destroyed every single bit of trust, and then I left. I do be retarded sometimes
SO HEREBY I DECLARE, I'm NOT an invincible chadlite slayer. I'm just a retarded egotistical chadlite that abandons everyone I love because I'm secretly scared to death.
And YES, she'll probably read this one too and yes I care deeply about what she'll think of this and me. I just wish I could've done things differently and somehow found a way for her to drill a hole in my brain and let her see herself through my eyes.
Oh well, these stories always end in the same way.
One day we'll meet at the grocery store, we lock eyes. I say hi and ask her about life. She tells me she's really happy and before she can finish her sentence, a little kid comes running to us 'mommy, mommy can I have some ice cream????????'. I act happy but I'm dying deep inside. I tell her 'I'm happy for you, we had a good run didn't we?', she tells me 'yes we did, it's a shame you pushed me away' as her little girl hugs her leg. we lock eyes one more time before we say goodbye. I'm shaking because I can't bare the way she still looks at me like she did back in the day, she smiles and says 'goodbye (...the way she used to always call me)'
Then I just pull out my AR15 and shoot everyone through their skull and get wasted on a 5$ bottle of bourbon.
I'm most likely gonna regret writing this when I wake up
