I subconsciously still have hope

[Lonenely sigma]

I fully accepted the blackpill but like, whenever something good happens, or I get something that seems like an "ioi", I get happy for the rest of the day.

Then I start to wonder, "if I know none of this is gonna change shit, why do I feel happy all of a sudden?"

I can't destroy this subconscious hope (cope) that I may still stand a chance, but I am aware I don't