i think i must die

[hiji_sr]

ive had this feeling since i was 6, aprox. It's been especially strong past 2 years

when i think of myself i often get surprised that i managed to live so long (im 16)
never had actual friends, acquaintances at best, tho it was at my first school and never talked to any of them since i changed schools
never talked to anyone at second school, and i still do not

i lost all hope and when i think of suicide, i no longer cry as i used to before, i feel that it just needs to happen, sooner or later it will happen
in such moments i think of my family and how horrible it would be for them to lose me, but i dont think making yourself live for others is a good idea

the worst part is being ugly, short, poor and stupid. got picked on my whole life, i dont have self esteem or self confidence what so ever
always was the worst at every class, born in a poor family

i have a lot of things to say, but even the thought of me speaking makes me cringe idk ahahhaahh
sorry for bad formatting guys, im new to this, i rarely talk to people in general

if you want to maybe become friends, dm me, maybe we will play games together

 

[Bryce]

 

[hiji_sr]

sorry for making you feel bad man, its just what i had in mind all these years

 

[otterhaspants]

What region? You be on Valorant?

 

[Bryce]

sorry for making you feel bad man, its just what i had in mind all these years

All good, sorry about your situation, sounds like hell

 

[BigBallsLarry]

im glad youre sharing this bhai

i know you feel like shit isnt changing in your life, but trust me with enough help and support it'll get better.

i wont jewslop to you with therapist advice, but I know how you feel, i dont want to bring up my personal struggle but trust me if anyone knows how it feels to not have a meaning it is me.

i encourage you to put down your phone, turn off your pc and take care of your life as much as you can. talk to people, be NT, find something you enjoy more than the internet, maybe gym, some sports or maybe even taking walks with peaceful music. If youre feeling like shit isnt changing you can talk here, but preferably dont rot, itll just get worse then.

 

[hiji_sr]

ive had this feeling since i was 6, aprox. It's been especially strong past 2 years

when i think of myself i often get surprised that i managed to live so long (im 16)
never had actual friends, acquaintances at best, tho it was at my first school and never talked to any of them since i changed schools
never talked to anyone at second school, and i still do not

i lost all hope and when i think of suicide, i no longer cry as i used to before, i feel that it just needs to happen, sooner or later it will happen
in such moments i think of my family and how horrible it would be for them to lose me, but i dont think making yourself live for others is a good idea

the worst part is being ugly, short, poor and stupid. got picked on my whole life, i dont have self esteem or self confidence what so ever
always was the worst at every class, born in a poor family

i have a lot of things to say, but even the thought of me speaking makes me cringe idk ahahhaahh
sorry for bad formatting guys, im new to this, i rarely talk to people in general

if you want to maybe become friends, dm me, maybe we will play games together

I also stopped believing in god half a year ago because of everything that happened to me in my life
if god loves everyone, than why did he make me go through this?
why did he let me get bullied my whole life? why did he allow everyone in life harass me? why did he let people treat me like trash?

im a heavy believer of genetic determinism, and i guess i was born to suffer
i dont think i will see my 20s, hopefully, i wont see my 20s
my parents tell me this is the best years of my life - if thats true, i dont want to live anylonger

before i stopped believing in god, i would often ask him before going to bed to just make me die in my sleep, and that it would be okay with me. or that something would happen to me, like i got killed, or ran over and shit

 

[hiji_sr]

What region? You be on Valorant?

im russian, unfortunately i dont play valorant ;(

 

[hiji_sr]

All good, sorry about your situation, sounds like hell

never shared it cuz my bluepilled parents always taught me that someone out there always has it worse than me

but the more i grew up, i started to question myself about this - i understand this, but im a human too, why cant i live too?
why cant i express my emotions? and shit like this

i realized that i have one life

 

[hiji_sr]

im glad youre sharing this bhai

i know you feel like shit isnt changing in your life, but trust me with enough help and support it'll get better.

i wont jewslop to you with therapist advice, but I know how you feel, i dont want to bring up my personal struggle but trust me if anyone knows how it feels to not have a meaning it is me.

i encourage you to put down your phone, turn off your pc and take care of your life as much as you can. talk to people, be NT, find something you enjoy more than the internet, maybe gym, some sports or maybe even taking walks with peaceful music. If youre feeling like shit isnt changing you can talk here, but preferably dont rot, itll just get worse then.

i twitch and sweat when i try to talk to people/ when people talk to me
ive always been like this, at least as long as i can remember

i cant do gym or sports cuz of uncurable health issues, i dont know if i want to talk about them
i dont rot here, used to look for basic softmaxes before i realized only surgery can truly change your appearance ahahah

 

[hiji_sr]

i truly am alone

 

[hiji_sr]

i hope i will just pass in my bed, best scenario for me

 

[BigBallsLarry]

i twitch and sweat when i try to talk to people/ when people talk to me
ive always been like this, at least as long as i can remember

i cant do gym or sports cuz of uncurable health issues, i dont know if i want to talk about them
i dont rot here, used to look for basic softmaxes before i realized only surgery can truly change your appearance ahahah

sounds awful

mirin that ur still going, rope should never be an option.

 

[hiji_sr]

sounds awful

mirin that ur still going, rope should never be an option.

crying helps
i cry not because of the though of me dying, but at the though of how little i am, how unimportant i am
i mean nothing

 

[hiji_sr]

i discovered blackpill when i was 13 years old, life changing experience
watched all rehabroom's videos ahahah i still remember it

 

[hiji_sr]

i have nothing in my life to keep me going (coping ahaha)
i wish it all just ended

dm me on discord @hurtbyheaven if you want ofc, we can talk if anyone wants to

 

[zanxpl]

I also stopped believing in god half a year ago because of everything that happened to me in my life
if god loves everyone, than why did he make me go through this?
why did he let me get bullied my whole life? why did he allow everyone in life harass me? why did he let people treat me like trash?

im a heavy believer of genetic determinism, and i guess i was born to suffer
i dont think i will see my 20s, hopefully, i wont see my 20s
my parents tell me this is the best years of my life - if thats true, i dont want to live anylonger

before i stopped believing in god, i would often ask him before going to bed to just make me die in my sleep, and that it would be okay with me. or that something would happen to me, like i got killed, or ran over and shit

Suffering exists in the world because of humans. God created a perfect world without suffering but humans turned it into what it is now.

It's not God's duty to remove suffering from everyone's lives, humans have free will and suffering can also be a good thing in many different ways.

You have to realize that there are millions of other people who are short, ugly and poor but still manage to find happiness. There are people who stay inside all day, play video games and eat junkfood and jerk off. You need to accept the situation you are in and do what you can with what you have, and do things in life that make you happy, you don't have to have friends or a girlfriend if you are incapable of that, just accept it, and live a happy life doing other things.

 

[hiji_sr]

Suffering exists in the world because of humans. God created a perfect world without suffering but humans turned it into what it is now.

It's not God's duty to remove suffering from everyone's lives, humans have free will and suffering can also be a good thing in many different ways.

You have to realize that there are millions of other people who are short, ugly and poor but still manage to find happiness. There are people who stay inside all day, play video games and eat junkfood and jerk off. You need to accept the situation you are in and do what you can with what you have, and do things in life that make you happy, you don't have to have friends or a girlfriend if you are incapable of that, just accept it, and live a happy life doing other things.

i accept my fate to eternal suffering

sorry man but i wouldnt like to argue with anyone, especially about religion
i made my mind about it already, and that's it
a lot of other things influenced my decision to leave religion

im just glad that at least everything is okay with you

 

[zanxpl]

i accept my fate to eternal suffering

sorry man but i wouldnt like to argue with anyone, especially about religion
i made my mind about it already, and that's it
a lot of other things influenced my decision to leave religion

im just glad that at least everything is okay with you

the truth is that everyone has their own suffering. Even the most handsome guy at school that plays for the football team and can pull any girl he wants, to a sub5 who will never be able to have a girlfriend. We all suffer and you are not alone.

It just depends on how you see life in the position that you are right now

There is a person in the exact same situation you are in that decided not to loose hope and find happiness in life in other ways, so you decide weather you want to loose hope and be a loser or be a man and realize that literally everyone suffers even handsome people even people way better than you you just have to accept it and find ways to be happy in life

 

[hiji_sr]

the truth is that everyone has their own suffering. Even the most handsome guy at school that plays for the football team and can pull any girl he wants, to a sub5 who will never be able to have a girlfriend. We all suffer and you are not alone.

It just depends on how you see life in the position that you are right now

There is a person in the exact same situation you are in that decided not to loose hope and find happiness in life in other ways, so you decide weather you want to loose hope and be a loser or be a man and realize that literally everyone suffers even handsome people even people way better than you you just have to accept it and find ways to be happy in life

im really retarded, i think i will be happy only after a personality transplant (lefort 3) and charisma upgrade (ll)

if im being serious, i need to think about your reply
i never found anything in life to bring me at least some positive emotions

videogames just help me pass time, forget about life, distance myself from people