I think I want to be miserable

[Prøphet]

I keep doing things I know will make me miserable on purpose

Like laying in bed all day

I don’t even know if I want to be happy

Because what then

What will it mean

A part of me enjoys tormenting myself mentally and bathing in pity

 

[Mansur]

I want to be dominated

 

[Notcel]

No

 

[cargo70]

I keep doing things I know will make me miserable on purpose

I don’t even know if I want to be happy

Because what then

What will it mean

A part of me enjoys tormenting myself mentally

I feel like I do this at times.

I think I do it because I want to get to a point where I can tell myself that it's impossible to climb back up

It makes quitting easier.

 

[cargo70]

I keep doing things I know will make me miserable on purpose

Like laying in bed all day

I don’t even know if I want to be happy

Because what then

What will it mean

A part of me enjoys tormenting myself mentally and bathing in pity

How are you feeling after surgery?

 

[Prøphet]

I feel like I do this at times.

I think I do it because I want to get to a point where I can tell myself that it's impossible to climb back up

It makes quitting easier.

Exactly

 

[mangotimer]

Ok

 

[Leo]

I just wanna rot, watch moves, eat shit, and do jack shit all day

Basically my life but with worse food

 

[Prøphet]

How are you feeling after surgery?

I lost all the depth perception that I gained back the first few days

So as far as vision that has relapsed

And as far as aesthetics

My eye turns a little outward now

Which is better than how super inward it used to be

But still difficult to look at sometimes

But it might look straight once I’m cleared to wear my contacts again

 

[Prøphet]

I just wanna rot, watch moves, eat shit, and do jack shit all day

Basically my life but with worse food

You’re missing your basic hierarchy of needs like community and love so you revert to chasing primitive comfort instead of self actualizing

At least that’s my cope

 

[cargo70]

I lost all the depth perception that I gained back the first few days

So as far as vision that has relapsed

And as far as aesthetics

My eye turns a little outward now

Which is better than how super inward it used to be

But still difficult to look at sometimes

But it might look straight once I’m cleared to wear my contacts again

Sorry to hear that. I hope it continues to heal, and your vision reverts to the norm.

I recently got laxis and I’ve been having some complications myself.

 

[Prøphet]

Sorry to hear that. I hope it continues to heal, and your vision reverts to the norm.

I recently got laxis and I’ve been having some complications myself.

Thanks man

Shit what happened

When did you get it

 

[cargo70]

Thanks man

Shit what happened

When did you get it

Got it a little over a week ago, and I've been suffering from dry eyes and lack of moisturization due to my lacrimal glands not producing tears.

 

[Prøphet]

Got it a little over a week ago, and I've been suffering from dry eyes and lack of moisturization due to my lacrimal glands not producing tears.

Sorry about that bhai

Did they tell you if it’s normal or nah

Just take it easy a week is still early

 

[drunkcexworkerincel]

I keep doing things I know will make me miserable on purpose

Like laying in bed all day

I don’t even know if I want to be happy

Because what then

What will it mean

A part of me enjoys tormenting myself mentally and bathing in pity

theres peace in it but its only bearable for a certain amount of time before i go insane or have bad thoughts tbh

 

[cargo70]

Sorry about that bhai

Did they tell you if it’s normal or nah

Just take it easy a week is still early

Yeah, that's why I'm not too torn up over it. I read up on it, and it's a rare side effect that
will most likely subside.

Thanks for the support.

 

[Sub->CL]

I think I do it because I want to get to a point where I can tell myself that it's impossible to climb back up

I understand, you're holding onto life so hard that you just want permission to let go.

I find out if my life is over tomorrow.

You’re missing your basic hierarchy of needs like community and love so you revert to chasing primitive comfort instead of self actualizing

At least that’s my cope

I'm high IQ and wish I could STEMcel but my brain is just stuck in high school social dynamics even though I don't socialize at all.
And I mean how can we achieve anything? I just can't put effort into even the things I love.

 

[cargo70]

I understand, you're holding onto life so hard that you just want permission to let go.

I find out if my life is over tomorrow.


I'm high IQ and wish I could STEMcel but my brain is just stuck in high school social dynamics even though I don't socialize at all.

What are you going to find out?

I understand, you're holding onto life so hard that you just want permission to let go.

I find out if my life is over tomorrow.


I'm high IQ and wish I could STEMcel but my brain is just stuck in high school social dynamics even though I don't socialize at all.
And I mean how can we achieve anything? I just can't put effort into even the things I love.

High IQ and High inhibition is a hard combo. What are you going to find out?

 

[Prøphet]

I understand, you're holding onto life so hard that you just want permission to let go.

I find out if my life is over tomorrow.


I'm high IQ and wish I could STEMcel but my brain is just stuck in high school social dynamics even though I don't socialize at all.
And I mean how can we achieve anything? I just can't put effort into even the things I love.

What’s happening tomorrow vro

 

[Sub->CL]

What are you going to find out?

What’s happening tomorrow vro

My jaw joint is super fucked up so I can only get a total jaw replacement bimax, which I can't purchase privately.
So the only way I can get a bimax is if I have severe breathing issues and I have a sleep study at the hospital tonight.

High IQ and High inhibition is a hard combo.

It sucks, I've tried to out-train my high inhibition and I got to the point where I can do what I want, like climbing a crane.
But that's just pushing through it, I'd never be able to do things effortlessly. It always looks forced, because it is!

As a high IQ autist I've had countless opportunities squandered by careless idiots.
Parents and teachers treating me like trash, and now that I'm 18 it's like "if you were actually smart, you'd be at MIT!" like ok.
I wanted to be in online school for years and now that I'm graduating high school with a shit GPA because bullying made me elope all the time, my failures are apparently my own.

 

[Prøphet]

My jaw joint is super fucked up so I can only get a total jaw replacement bimax, which I can't purchase privately.
So the only way I can get a bimax is if I have severe breathing issues and I have a sleep study at the hospital tonight.


It sucks, I've tried to out-train my high inhibition and I got to the point where I can do what I want, like climbing a crane.
But that's just pushing through it, I'd never be able to do things effortlessly. It always looks forced, because it is!

As a high IQ autist I've had countless opportunities squandered by careless idiots.
Parents and teachers treating me like trash, and now that I'm 18 it's like "if you were actually smart, you'd be at MIT!" like ok.
I wanted to be in online school for years and now that I'm graduating high school with a shit GPA because bullying made me elope all the time, my failures are apparently my own.

Damn good luck man

Yeah the last part is so real

I’m 18 too and it’s like all my fuckups are supposed to be my fault when they’re all just a result of shit parenting and bad luck