bonemaxer
Bronze
- Joined
- May 24, 2025
- Posts
- 351
- Reputation
- 291
So recently I’ve been putting a lot of work into understanding why I am the way I am and if the way I’m treated is even bad because of how I look, my height, or how I act.
So what started this sort of self psychology analysis was things ending with this girl I had been speaking to who had came back into my life after a long time of no contact. I thought she didn’t give a shit about me and that she’d died cos before I’d only known her online. Ye well we had ups and downs but one day she stopped replying all together and I even checked her socials for any activity and she had gone ghost so after a few months I thought she’d died which upset me a bit but i had to accept it and I got over it after like 3 months. (This was end of 2024 going into 2025) so I get on with life and a whole year passes and I get a message from her explaining everything and well I’m not gonna get into anything to do with her cos it’s private but we ended up talking agian for like a month and it went really well. We even ended up meeting which went alright but not the best. Anyway after that she completely changed which made me question if I’d acted too awkward on the day or if her seeing me in real life meant she thought differently of me. I overthank a lot, like it took up my life and I even stopped looksmaxing or focusing on money cos I was so infatuated. It was mixed signals from there tho which made it even worse because I wasn’t sure if she was just using me or genuinely what was going on. Fast forward a few months and then she straight ghosted me and stopped replying but she was still active on social so ik she was purposely doing it. But what makes me question if I’m autistic or if there’s something wrong with me is during the time now I look back and re read the messages it seems like I am the bad one. Now I’m in a clearer head space and looking from her perspective. I was quite cold and manipulative. Not intentionally because at the time I just wanted to make sure she actually liked me still and I was so scared of her leaving cos I had abandonment issues from when I was a kid, I’d become obsessive and attached when someone shows signs there gonna leave. I think maybe if I just kept my cool and showed I loved her properly instead of being a whiny bitch maybe things would’ve ended differently and we have spoken recently but only briefly and it doesn’t seem like things are gonna go back to how they used to be any time soon. Ik alot Dnr I just wanted to get it off my chest cos it’s been itching at me and I can’t talk about this stuff with my friends.
So what started this sort of self psychology analysis was things ending with this girl I had been speaking to who had came back into my life after a long time of no contact. I thought she didn’t give a shit about me and that she’d died cos before I’d only known her online. Ye well we had ups and downs but one day she stopped replying all together and I even checked her socials for any activity and she had gone ghost so after a few months I thought she’d died which upset me a bit but i had to accept it and I got over it after like 3 months. (This was end of 2024 going into 2025) so I get on with life and a whole year passes and I get a message from her explaining everything and well I’m not gonna get into anything to do with her cos it’s private but we ended up talking agian for like a month and it went really well. We even ended up meeting which went alright but not the best. Anyway after that she completely changed which made me question if I’d acted too awkward on the day or if her seeing me in real life meant she thought differently of me. I overthank a lot, like it took up my life and I even stopped looksmaxing or focusing on money cos I was so infatuated. It was mixed signals from there tho which made it even worse because I wasn’t sure if she was just using me or genuinely what was going on. Fast forward a few months and then she straight ghosted me and stopped replying but she was still active on social so ik she was purposely doing it. But what makes me question if I’m autistic or if there’s something wrong with me is during the time now I look back and re read the messages it seems like I am the bad one. Now I’m in a clearer head space and looking from her perspective. I was quite cold and manipulative. Not intentionally because at the time I just wanted to make sure she actually liked me still and I was so scared of her leaving cos I had abandonment issues from when I was a kid, I’d become obsessive and attached when someone shows signs there gonna leave. I think maybe if I just kept my cool and showed I loved her properly instead of being a whiny bitch maybe things would’ve ended differently and we have spoken recently but only briefly and it doesn’t seem like things are gonna go back to how they used to be any time soon. Ik alot Dnr I just wanted to get it off my chest cos it’s been itching at me and I can’t talk about this stuff with my friends.
