lulkass
Iron
- Joined
- Jul 4, 2025
- Posts
- 5
- Reputation
- 5
I’m not « larping »
I’m not doing this for attention
I’m just writing this to write it, there isn’t really any goal to this post so if you don’t care I get it 100% you just don’t really have to tell me
I’ve been thinking about this since last summer because that was when I actually started to get a little more mature and just generally thinking about things more
I reached a « state » of happiness I never had before because of how much I actually used my brain (I’m not saying I became SUPER smart during the summer and then used this smartness to be happy it’s just that thinking brought me nice things)
I have wanted to kill myself for some years (just like every boy who has had too much access to social media etc) but I was aware that it was pointless because the issues I was going through were 300% temporary while killing myself was forever, so I just didn’t rope waiting for stuff to get better
As I said since the summer stuff actually got better, and that’s when I realized that suicide wasn’t really what I wanted to do because I was sad but more something I wanted to do just because I wanted to do it (I hope we can understand this the way I mean it)
I can spend days/weeks/months where everything goes fine and still be suicidal
I think I became suicidal because after thinking about it « deeply » I realized that it literally isn’t that deep!!!
The second I hit the ground after jumping from a building, it all goes dark, and I won’t even be aware that it
I’m not really searching for the peace that death brings you because I would literally not be able to feel it
I wouldn’t be able to know that my mom is sad (or not) about it, neither for my friends or whatever
I wouldn’t be able to regret or to praise it because I would LITERALLY not think/feel ever again, that’s what I love about it
So I guess now I’m just waiting to see what will happen but I probably will do it when the right occasion comes, if I somehow change my mind (which I think has a like 30% chance of happening) I will just laugh at how corny this post was
It’s my first post and I’m guessing I’m going to get slurs or people will say they don’t care and it’s fine but I hope some people will just read this and get something from it
Holy yap holy
I realized probably no one will read that long ahh text
Also this is pretty corny but I don’t really care I will just delete it in like 30 minutes after I see there’s no comments
I’m not doing this for attention
I’m just writing this to write it, there isn’t really any goal to this post so if you don’t care I get it 100% you just don’t really have to tell me
I’ve been thinking about this since last summer because that was when I actually started to get a little more mature and just generally thinking about things more
I reached a « state » of happiness I never had before because of how much I actually used my brain (I’m not saying I became SUPER smart during the summer and then used this smartness to be happy it’s just that thinking brought me nice things)
I have wanted to kill myself for some years (just like every boy who has had too much access to social media etc) but I was aware that it was pointless because the issues I was going through were 300% temporary while killing myself was forever, so I just didn’t rope waiting for stuff to get better
As I said since the summer stuff actually got better, and that’s when I realized that suicide wasn’t really what I wanted to do because I was sad but more something I wanted to do just because I wanted to do it (I hope we can understand this the way I mean it)
I can spend days/weeks/months where everything goes fine and still be suicidal
I think I became suicidal because after thinking about it « deeply » I realized that it literally isn’t that deep!!!
The second I hit the ground after jumping from a building, it all goes dark, and I won’t even be aware that it
I’m not really searching for the peace that death brings you because I would literally not be able to feel it
I wouldn’t be able to know that my mom is sad (or not) about it, neither for my friends or whatever
I wouldn’t be able to regret or to praise it because I would LITERALLY not think/feel ever again, that’s what I love about it
So I guess now I’m just waiting to see what will happen but I probably will do it when the right occasion comes, if I somehow change my mind (which I think has a like 30% chance of happening) I will just laugh at how corny this post was
It’s my first post and I’m guessing I’m going to get slurs or people will say they don’t care and it’s fine but I hope some people will just read this and get something from it
Holy yap holy
I realized probably no one will read that long ahh text
Also this is pretty corny but I don’t really care I will just delete it in like 30 minutes after I see there’s no comments
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