I threw away the gun I was planning to kill myself with - No way out now

[armemann]

you can survive from all of those btw

2% rate maybe if u are not retarded and do them right

there is no 100% chance anywhere

 

[shortbeast110]

Hello .org, this is going to be a little bit of a different thread because unlike my other threads that detail about my personal life, this is about the events of just a few days ago.

So to give a little bit of context and history, I travel a lot, I meet many different people when I do, and I get a lot of opportunities that I wouldn’t usually get when traveling abroad.

Roughly 2 years ago, I was in a state of total depression, I hated every day of my life, and through a friend in the city I was in, I was able to buy a firearm (specifically a 9MM, at least that’s what I think it was. Only thing that mattered is that it worked and it was lethal) through a third party (use your brain.) I was on a roadtrip so there was no risk of airport security or any type of problems emerging from me having it on me. My guardians were unaware of this.

I was at this point, very well versed in methods of suicide and knew that firearms were the only surefire way out (although I always doubted the one I bought would 100% work, but it was close enough.) I was planning to use it as soon as possible after getting it but we had to meet up with extended family and I didn’t want to ruin the entire event so I had it hidden at the bottom of my bag. After I eventually returned home, I contemplated killing myself for a while but I eventually settled with hiding it away deep into my closet and wrote down a date: March 31, 2025.

The year passed, and March 31st came. I had gotten mostly everything ready, and I took the 9MM out of my closet. It was a pretty big hit of adrenaline, I wasn’t really able to hold it still, my hands were shaking like crazy. By the time I was able to get myself calm, hours had passed and it was 12:07AM at night, April 1st, 2025. Since dying on April Fools seemed like a pretty lousy way to go, I put the firearm back, waiting ‘till next year. I figured that if I was going to die, I should at least have control over the circumstances of it so I go out clean.

Then 2026 came, it was a lot different than I initially assumed because I started getting somewhat active on this site, and enjoying time spent on it. This didn’t change my plans, and I got everything ready the coming months. However since I had become somewhat of an advocate for hope and life on this website by the time March came around, I figured that I should leave the community with one final thread before I left.
So on March 29th, I posted this thread:

ANTI - SUICIDE MEGATHREAD - THE TRUTH ABOUT SUICIDE & METHODS + HUNDREDS OF REASONS TO LIVE ITS NEVER OVER (LIFEMAXXING GTFIH)

The topic of suicide is one of the disgustingly romanticized pieces shown in media in the world, overtime this has made it so suicide is viewed as a global "exit" button, a way out when you have nowhere to go. However this is very far from the truth, filmmakers themselves often depict suicide...

looksmax.org

This was the final part of a series of threads I made across a few days, it was meant to be my final contribution to the website before leaving entirely, to make sure no suspicions arose, I included a few shitposts and a thread asking if users would be interested in learning how to morph to put up the idea that I was going to stay around.

March 30th passed fast and the day came, March 31st, 2026. The night before, I had gone to sleep planning to kill myself at around 10:00 - 11:30PM. I wanted to go during the night. But things didn’t go as planned, I woke up to see that a moderator, SlayerJonas, had pinned my thread. The thread previously had done alright, like my other threads, and I didn’t expect much of it, however users had gotten it the attention of a moderator who pinned it. This made my day better, a lot better. I almost didn’t want to do it. So many users were replying saying such nice things and I got messages from users who wanted to talk, so I was occupied for the majority of the day.

Nighttime came, and I got everything in order. I took my firearm out of my closet, and laid down towels to make sure I didn’t get anything too dirty. My phone rang, it was a friend I hadn’t talked to in a while, he was in town and wanted to go out. I figured that he’d never forgive himself if I said no and kill myself right after, and at this point, I didn’t care if I did a day or two after I originally planned, all that meant nothing anymore. I went out with my friend, we went to the mall and got some food and talked for a while. We stayed up quite late so when I came home, I knocked out and slept until very late into the next day.

The next day, it was the same plan. Wait until 10:30 - 11:30PM, depending on how the day went, and die. The day passed and at 10:33PM, I was tagged in a thread by my friend @HtnceI:
View attachment 5091929
View attachment 5091934

I instinctively messaged davidlaid. I had talked to him a long time prior and knew he had a very negative perception of himself and maybe I could get him to put it off for a bit. We spoke, but he was largely unresponsive as he was in a terrible mental state. This process took well into the night and I decided I couldn’t die now on the off chance I could make 1% of a difference, and as a last resort, I posted a thread asking people to leave a kind word about him.

https://looksmax.org/threads/please-leave-a-kind-word-about-davidlaidisme67-here.1977188/

I didn’t expect many interactions but I figured that it’d take him a while to delete his account and get the revolver, so maybe a few people could help him change his mind. To my surprise, the thread got overwhelmingly positive responses and did well. I waited a few days to see the outcome and thankfully, davidlaidisme67 got out of his mental state and is doing better now. I am eternally happy he helped himself and am proud of him for not giving up.

Seeing how people genuinely cared, even here, was shocking to me. I was fully expecting a racist cesspool of hate under what I posted but I got the exact opposite. People were kind, people wanted to help and do good. So I figured I should stay around for a little while.


____

Fast forward to last Friday, I was speaking to a few of my friends from .org, and I mentioned how I had been experiencing a terrible day. Through coming clean, I experienced a surge of confidence, and more importantly, hope. The next day, I took the gun from my closet, went into a worse part of my city, and dumped it into a dumpster in an alleyway.

No way out now, I have to improve or rot as who I am, there is no escape.

I am so grateful to each and every user on here, you all have inspired me to live and do better, and I hope I will never let that down.

If you are reading this and are experiencing mental health issues of your own, please never hesitate to reach out to someone, whether a friend, guardian, or even me, my messages are always open and I’m always willing to talk.

Explore, have fun, love, and most importantly, live.

The world is yours.

@Sayori @Hernan @Jgns @tuberculosisinmybal

Did read. Greatest org user oat?

 

[copeDNRoped]

Glad you are still with us man, you have saved so many lives that you don’t even know about. Mirin