Big Boss
꧁Neutral꧂ ❦
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- May 7, 2026
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This is a story about why I hate the ego.
If I told you about my whole childhood it would explain a lot, but I’ll summarise it. When I was 10, I was almost like a “cult leader” among the boys in my class. I was a bully, a class clown, and someone with a lot of social power. I had influence, people followed me, and I genuinely enjoyed being the centre of attention.
Looking back, that version of myself is uncomfortable to think about.
Around 14 or 15, I was still social but something changed. I started carrying a lot of guilt about who I had been. I apologised to one of the people I bullied. I know part of that apology was for him, but im sure most of it was my selfish guilty conscience. I remember he almost cried when I apologised, and that i never forgot that.
For years afterwards, I hated the idea of ego.
I remember often back when i was 15 i had thoughts like “if i could meet my 10 year old self i would beat the shit out of him” to show him that hes nothing.
I saw my younger self as someone who had too much pride and not enough empathy.
I hated him for his ego.
And that word, ego, became a huge part of my teenage years. I tried to destroy it completely. I became extremely critical of myself and convinced myself that having any ego was wrong but despite my efforts, ive accepted it will always be somewhat there. I treated it as a evil my whole life, and its why im super aware of people with egos and i dislike them usually because it reminds me of myself.
When you have personally seen how easily power can make someone arrogant or careless, you become much more aware of how other people might be feeling. I think part of why I am so sensitive to people’s emotions now is because I spent years trying to understand the person I used to be.
You never know what someones going through/what their life is like as cliche as it is. Being on this site, years after being a bully only made me realise it even more as so many users have been bullied before. I’ve never really seen/talked to the bullied/incel side of guys until i came onto this site, so its good experience.
If I told you about my whole childhood it would explain a lot, but I’ll summarise it. When I was 10, I was almost like a “cult leader” among the boys in my class. I was a bully, a class clown, and someone with a lot of social power. I had influence, people followed me, and I genuinely enjoyed being the centre of attention.
Looking back, that version of myself is uncomfortable to think about.
Around 14 or 15, I was still social but something changed. I started carrying a lot of guilt about who I had been. I apologised to one of the people I bullied. I know part of that apology was for him, but im sure most of it was my selfish guilty conscience. I remember he almost cried when I apologised, and that i never forgot that.
For years afterwards, I hated the idea of ego.
I remember often back when i was 15 i had thoughts like “if i could meet my 10 year old self i would beat the shit out of him” to show him that hes nothing.
I saw my younger self as someone who had too much pride and not enough empathy.
I hated him for his ego.
And that word, ego, became a huge part of my teenage years. I tried to destroy it completely. I became extremely critical of myself and convinced myself that having any ego was wrong but despite my efforts, ive accepted it will always be somewhat there. I treated it as a evil my whole life, and its why im super aware of people with egos and i dislike them usually because it reminds me of myself.
When you have personally seen how easily power can make someone arrogant or careless, you become much more aware of how other people might be feeling. I think part of why I am so sensitive to people’s emotions now is because I spent years trying to understand the person I used to be.
You never know what someones going through/what their life is like as cliche as it is. Being on this site, years after being a bully only made me realise it even more as so many users have been bullied before. I’ve never really seen/talked to the bullied/incel side of guys until i came onto this site, so its good experience.
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