Vermilioncore
Fear…
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2019
- Posts
- 84,458
- Reputation
- 162,613
Once upon a time hope was there.
I remember how good it felt to have hopes, dreams, goals, etc. Me and my girl had so many plans and goals. My future was so bright. I woke each day and made sure to keep myself safe because I wanted to be alive to be able to witness the fruition of my labor.
Now, here I am.
No girl. No car. No gym. No money. No future. No bed. No bedroom. No privacy. No anything. Just myself deep in thought and regret all day everyday.
Some say, at least you have good memories of the past. But, yeah, it’s bittersweet. Those memories may bring joy, but it’s just nostalgia. And that’s a horrible feeling. It’s something that’s so far away and impossible to ever get back.
So, my days consist of me rotting and just waiting and waiting. What am I waiting for? I don’t know. If I don’t trick myself into thinking there’s something to wait for, then I have no purpose.
Just like the play “Waiting For Godot” by Samuel Beckett. His two main characters wait and wait for Godot. They have no idea who he is or why they’re waiting for him. The only thing they know is that they’re waiting for him. It’s the only thing that’s keeping them from killing themselves or going insane. In the play, whenever the day comes to an end, and Godot doesn’t show up, a little boy appears and tells them that Godot wasn’t available today but he will come tomorrow. So they just continue repeating this process over and over and over again.
Anyway, just want to say I hate myself and my life. This forum is literally the only way I can express my pain. My mom tells me to shower and get a job and shit. She doesn’t realize when you’re depressed you don’t give a fuck about anything at all. Fuck jobs, fuck showers, fuck life. I’m unhappy and hate my life. I don’t want to try anymore. Every time I try, I only fail harder. So I’m done I guess. My life is just shit and it’s that simple.
I remember how good it felt to have hopes, dreams, goals, etc. Me and my girl had so many plans and goals. My future was so bright. I woke each day and made sure to keep myself safe because I wanted to be alive to be able to witness the fruition of my labor.
Now, here I am.
No girl. No car. No gym. No money. No future. No bed. No bedroom. No privacy. No anything. Just myself deep in thought and regret all day everyday.
Some say, at least you have good memories of the past. But, yeah, it’s bittersweet. Those memories may bring joy, but it’s just nostalgia. And that’s a horrible feeling. It’s something that’s so far away and impossible to ever get back.
So, my days consist of me rotting and just waiting and waiting. What am I waiting for? I don’t know. If I don’t trick myself into thinking there’s something to wait for, then I have no purpose.
Just like the play “Waiting For Godot” by Samuel Beckett. His two main characters wait and wait for Godot. They have no idea who he is or why they’re waiting for him. The only thing they know is that they’re waiting for him. It’s the only thing that’s keeping them from killing themselves or going insane. In the play, whenever the day comes to an end, and Godot doesn’t show up, a little boy appears and tells them that Godot wasn’t available today but he will come tomorrow. So they just continue repeating this process over and over and over again.
Anyway, just want to say I hate myself and my life. This forum is literally the only way I can express my pain. My mom tells me to shower and get a job and shit. She doesn’t realize when you’re depressed you don’t give a fuck about anything at all. Fuck jobs, fuck showers, fuck life. I’m unhappy and hate my life. I don’t want to try anymore. Every time I try, I only fail harder. So I’m done I guess. My life is just shit and it’s that simple.
