i want to kill myself so bad

[superchud90000]

my life on the outside is honestly pretty normal which makes this worse considering ive felt like this for half a decade now, and i feel selfish for feeling like this even though it could be a million times worse. anytime something gets better for me i just end up digging myself into a deeper hole, or someone does that for me. i hate that no one can truly understand me and why i do the things i do.

the problem is, i literally just cannot be happy. im a sensitive piece of shit who doesnt know how to shut up and that offends or annoys people around me, which leads to them getting upset or just saying shit about me which i take to heart 10x more than others oddly enough.

because of that and me being a jester without being able to control it, no one really takes me or my feelings seriously.

my academics have been getting worse and even though i actually dont have crazy bad grades right now i slave away like a zombie at midnight and get 2 hours of sleep every school night which results in my growth being fucked so im probably gonna be 5'9 forever and it also sucks living off adhd meds every day instead of just being able to sleep

in september i started harming myself as a way to cope and all that did was make me have to change in a separate locker room before practice so no one sees and i get sent to some mental hospital.

knowing my luck, its just gonna get worse as an adult. i know no one is coming to save me, and honestly, id rather try to help others than have people check on me.

and no therapy didnt work i was in it for like 2 years and just quit because it was $90 per session and my mom was struggling with money

i dont want to grow up either, i just dont want to live anymore. i want to dissapear. eventually everyone will forget about me, or ill be a faint memory they'll look back on.

this isnt even half of why i feel the way i do but i just needed to get this off my chest and write it somewhere

 

[Framemaxxx]

DNR

 

[160cmcurry]

just jump

get on with it

no one’s stopping you lmao

 

[ICXCLuvr]

DNR killing yourself is low T

Guy with no problems^

 

[Framemaxxx]

Guy with no problems^

wahhh wahh wahh go kill yourself then idgaf

 

[hollowed]

You sound like a female

 

[ICXCLuvr]

wahhh wahh wahh go kill yourself then idgaf

 

[Framemaxxx]

View attachment 4566448

 

[davidlaidisme67]

just jump

get on with it

no one’s stopping you lmao

Come on man let’s not make him rope

 

[birthdefect]

my life on the outside is honestly pretty normal which makes this worse considering ive felt like this for half a decade now, and i feel selfish for feeling like this even though it could be a million times worse. anytime something gets better for me i just end up digging myself into a deeper hole, or someone does that for me. i hate that no one can truly understand me and why i do the things i do.

the problem is, i literally just cannot be happy. im a sensitive piece of shit who doesnt know how to shut up and that offends or annoys people around me, which leads to them getting upset or just saying shit about me which i take to heart 10x more than others oddly enough.

because of that and me being a jester without being able to control it, no one really takes me or my feelings seriously.

my academics have been getting worse and even though i actually dont have crazy bad grades right now i slave away like a zombie at midnight and get 2 hours of sleep every school night which results in my growth being fucked so im probably gonna be 5'9 forever and it also sucks living off adhd meds every day instead of just being able to sleep

in september i started harming myself as a way to cope and all that did was make me have to change in a separate locker room before practice so no one sees and i get sent to some mental hospital.

knowing my luck, its just gonna get worse as an adult. i know no one is coming to save me, and honestly, id rather try to help others than have people check on me.

and no therapy didnt work i was in it for like 2 years and just quit because it was $90 per session and my mom was struggling with money

i dont want to grow up either, i just dont want to live anymore. i want to dissapear. eventually everyone will forget about me, or ill be a faint memory they'll look back on.

this isnt even half of why i feel the way i do but i just needed to get this off my chest and write it somewhere

take a milligram of lsd
not joking

 

[davidlaidisme67]

Bro pm me if you want to talk about it, I’m going through similar issues

 

[davidlaidisme67]

take a milligram of lsd
not joking

Nigga I did that shit and almost went crazy but it does make you appreciate your life so yeah I would suggest the same

 

[ICXCLuvr]

View attachment 4566449

JoinedMay 31, 2025

 

[JimmyDreamsOfZygos]

Damn I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling this much, have you ever read up on BPD symptoms? I don’t know you obv but it seems like you might be dealing with that, at least a form of it. The self harm, and the feelings of having to put all of your energy into managing your emotions and bottling it up and having to like degrade yourself since you feel like you’re over-emotional.

I’ve known people who were going through that shit to, it’s really rough because you do feel things that strongly, but you’ve already convinced yourself that your emotions aren’t valid and kind of jump on the grenade every time and absorb the impact.

I say go on tiktok or YouTube and watch videos about quiet bpd, it’s the kind where you internalize it instead of fully tweaking out on other people. Lmk if you need to talk about it, I know some books that dive into that. You’re not a foid don’t kys bro, and don’t think less of yourself because of the pain you feel.

 

[superchud90000]

take a milligram of lsd
not joking

is this a method to kill myself or a way to cope

how do i find LSD im only 15 i havent interacted with drugs before

 

[birthdefect]

Nigga I did that shit and almost went crazy but it does make you appreciate your life so yeah I would suggest the same

either that or microdosing acid, i honestly dont know anything else that has as much potential to work

 

[Bryce]

is this a method to kill myself or a way to cope

how do i find LSD im only 15 i havent interacted with drugs before

Don't do drugs at 15 you fucking idiot. It is literal poison soaked into a piece of paper, it causes you to hallucinate because your body is actively trying to flush it out of your system and telling you to stop consuming it.

 

[birthdefect]

is this a method to kill myself or a way to cope

how do i find LSD im only 15 i havent interacted with drugs before

itll most likely change how you view life completely
not even a 500x dose of acid can kill you
im honestly not sure how you find lsd aside from a dark web source
perhaps you could source precursors and synthesise it yourself (not that hard or smelly compared to something like methamphetamine)
synthesis guides are online, just gotta find them

 

[Framemaxxx]

i slave away like a zombie at midnight and get 2 hours of sleep every school night

just finished reading. what do u mean by this. what are u doing at midnight, homework?

 

[birthdefect]

Don't do drugs at 15 you fucking idiot. It is literal poison soaked into a piece of paper, it causes you to hallucinate because your body is actively trying to flush it out of your system and telling you to stop consuming it.

extremely low iq take, lsd is one of the safest drugs you can consume and its shown to increase neuroplasticity

 

[superchud90000]

just finished reading. what do u mean by this. what are u doing at midnight, homework?

yeah but its after practice and the gym so itll be late and ill probably have a lot to do

i also have attention issues so it takes longer but ive been working on fixing that

 

[JimmyDreamsOfZygos]

just jump

get on with it

no one’s stopping you lmao

wahhh wahh wahh go kill yourself then idgaf

You sound like a female

You niggas are genuinely disgusting, you have all of the forum to shitpost but looking into yourself and finding no problem with saying retarded shit to somebody asking for advice about suicidal thoughts, is beyond subhuman. Obviously you’re mentally stunted and haven’t had to deal with that shit, but I promise you. One day you’re gonna get the call that somebody you valued took themselves out, and afterwards you’ll realize how easy it is to overlook something so important and how blind you have been.

 

[160cmcurry]

You niggas are genuinely disgusting, you have all of the forum to shitpost but looking into yourself and finding no problem with saying retarded shit to somebody asking for advice about suicidal thoughts, is beyond subhuman. Obviously you’re mentally stunted and haven’t had to deal with that shit, but I promise you. One day you’re gonna get the call that somebody you valued took themselves out, and afterwards you’ll realize how easy it is to overlook something so important and how blind you have been.

 

[hollowed]

You niggas are genuinely disgusting, you have all of the forum to shitpost but looking into yourself and finding no problem with saying retarded shit to somebody asking for advice about suicidal thoughts, is beyond subhuman. Obviously you’re mentally stunted and haven’t had to deal with that shit, but I promise you. One day you’re gonna get the call that somebody you valued took themselves out, and afterwards you’ll realize how easy it is to overlook something so important and how blind you have been.

Your right

 

[Bryce]

itll most likely change how you view life completely
not even a 500x dose of acid can kill you
im honestly not sure how you find lsd aside from a dark web source
perhaps you could source precursors and synthesise it yourself (not that hard or smelly compared to something like methamphetamine)
synthesis guides are online, just gotta find them

Do you even understand how complex and difficult it is to synthesize LSD? It is hands down one of the most difficult drugs to produce. Not only is every single precursor a schedule II and heavily monitored by the DEA, you couldn't buy it with a certificate in organic chemistry. So then, you'd need an entire laboratory, every safety measure necessary (ergot, Hawaiian baby woodrose seeds, morning glory seeds, etc. anything with LSA in them) can cause nerve-damaging gasses to release... literal chemical warfare agents if you're not careful. So now you'll need glassware, weekly visits from the DEA, months of free time to synthesize it, just for what? A single hit of LSD? Come on dude...

 

[Bryce]

extremely low iq take, lsd is one of the safest drugs you can consume and its shown to increase neuroplasticity

No it isn't. You have no idea. I've taken so much LSD and psilocybin in my life and it has utterly fucked my brain. There is nothing beneficial to it. Nothing.

 

[birthdefect]

No it isn't. You have no idea. I've taken so much LSD and psilocybin in my life and it has utterly fucked my brain. There is nothing beneficial to it. Nothing.

bro you dont have to take that much
you can do it a few times with no major downsides, theres a reason why they're being studied so much for depression, anxiety, and ptsd

what do you mean its fucked your brain, and why do you attribute it to psychedelics?

 

[JimmyDreamsOfZygos]

View attachment 4566459

i just chose to isolate myself the months that went by. i can’t even “cope” anymore since i realized i never actually enjoyed my copes to begin with. i never even liked gaming, it was just anesthesia. something to mute the fact that my irl life was stagnant, so i dumped hours into a virtual world full of pixels and fake progress bars. fake social interaction, fake identity. crazy how it’s all gone now. years of accounts, chats, usernames, history, all erased. then i came back here, to be fair i don’t even know why. maybe i’ll get my socials back one day when i’m at a point where i’m proud of what i see in the mirror, physically, materially. maybe when my life actually has something to show, not just something to say. who knows.

right now i can’t even cope with this garbage discord shit anymore, or any of these weird online social dynamics. even if they’re from here, even if they share the same ideology, i’m done. they add no value. most of them you’ll never meet anyway, living in some random bum place you’ve never thought about and never will. no leverage, no future overlap, just an echo chamber of subhumans coping.

You're lost too, you just don’t like the reminders.

 

[Bryce]

bro you dont have to take that much
you can do it a few times with no major downsides, theres a reason why they're being studied so much for depression, anxiety, and ptsd

what do you mean its fucked your brain, and why do you attribute it to psychedelics?

I got psychosis and couldn't recognize my own face, couldn't remember simple words in English, experienced disassociation and derealization, and heard voices. Plus, you feel like shit the day after you trip. Have you even done a psychedelic in your life?

 

[Deleted member 262735]

my life on the outside is honestly pretty normal which makes this worse considering ive felt like this for half a decade now, and i feel selfish for feeling like this even though it could be a million times worse. anytime something gets better for me i just end up digging myself into a deeper hole, or someone does that for me. i hate that no one can truly understand me and why i do the things i do.

the problem is, i literally just cannot be happy. im a sensitive piece of shit who doesnt know how to shut up and that offends or annoys people around me, which leads to them getting upset or just saying shit about me which i take to heart 10x more than others oddly enough.

because of that and me being a jester without being able to control it, no one really takes me or my feelings seriously.

my academics have been getting worse and even though i actually dont have crazy bad grades right now i slave away like a zombie at midnight and get 2 hours of sleep every school night which results in my growth being fucked so im probably gonna be 5'9 forever and it also sucks living off adhd meds every day instead of just being able to sleep

in september i started harming myself as a way to cope and all that did was make me have to change in a separate locker room before practice so no one sees and i get sent to some mental hospital.

knowing my luck, its just gonna get worse as an adult. i know no one is coming to save me, and honestly, id rather try to help others than have people check on me.

and no therapy didnt work i was in it for like 2 years and just quit because it was $90 per session and my mom was struggling with money

i dont want to grow up either, i just dont want to live anymore. i want to dissapear. eventually everyone will forget about me, or ill be a faint memory they'll look back on.

this isnt even half of why i feel the way i do but i just needed to get this off my chest and write it somewhere

nobody gives a fuck, go to one of those suicide forums. fuck off from looksmax u pussy

 

[160cmcurry]

You're lost too, you just don’t like the reminders.

 

[birthdefect]

Do you even understand how complex and difficult it is to synthesize LSD? It is hands down one of the most difficult drugs to produce. Not only is every single precursor a schedule II and heavily monitored by the DEA, you couldn't buy it with a certificate in organic chemistry. So then, you'd need an entire laboratory, every safety measure necessary (ergot, Hawaiian baby woodrose seeds, morning glory seeds, etc. anything with LSA in them) can cause nerve-damaging gasses to release... literal chemical warfare agents if you're not careful. So now you'll need glassware, weekly visits from the DEA, months of free time to synthesize it, just for what? A single hit of LSD? Come on dude...

fair actually, i dont really look into psychedelics anymore

 

[birthdefect]

I got psychosis and couldn't recognize my own face, couldn't remember simple words in English, experienced disassociation and derealization, and heard voices. Plus, you feel like shit the day after you trip. Have you even done a psychedelic in your life?

ive taken a little bit of acid before and i just had a plain good time with some of my buddies
it wasnt noteworthy tbh
what dose were you taking

 

[superchud90000]

nobody gives a fuck, go to one of those suicide forums. fuck off from looksmax u pussy

you and the others here sound very hateful and troubled

i truly wish the best for you all

 

[superchud90000]

Damn I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling this much, have you ever read up on BPD symptoms? I don’t know you obv but it seems like you might be dealing with that, at least a form of it. The self harm, and the feelings of having to put all of your energy into managing your emotions and bottling it up and having to like degrade yourself since you feel like you’re over-emotional.

chances are i wont try to get diagnosed with BPD until im older cause i dont want to tell my mom i cut myself

thanks though ill read up on this

 

[Bryce]

ive taken a little bit of acid before and i just had a plain good time with some of my buddies
it wasnt noteworthy tbh
what dose were you taking

Normal street doses, so less than what they were marketed. Around 100ug respectively. I never overused it, took at least 2 weeks in between usage, usually longer. Even then it fucked me so bad I'm just now recovering.

 

[JimmyDreamsOfZygos]

nobody gives a fuck, go to one of those suicide forums. fuck off from looksmax u pussy

You joined 2 months ago

you and the others here sound very hateful and troubled

i truly wish the best for you all

Yeah idk what changed this forum used to be more genuine. I guess it got filled with cynical outcasts from other parts of the internet, dark triad was such a poison to losers online istg.

 

[birthdefect]

Normal street doses, so less than what they were marketed. Around 100ug respectively. I never overused it, took at least 2 weeks in between usage, usually longer. Even then it fucked me so bad I'm just now recovering.

damn response is giga genetic huh, i was told it was 100ug as well
i hope recovering goes well for you
have your parents ever taken acid?

 

[looksthrowaway]

5’9 isn’t that bad bro just thank god u aren’t 5’6

You are taller than the majority of women if u absolutely posture max u could be 5’10/ gain a cm

 

[Framemaxxx]

chances are i wont try to get diagnosed with BPD until im older cause i dont want to tell my mom i cut myself

thanks though ill read up on this

do you have a father in the scene? Also i feel like getting more sleep is a start but its easier said than done

 

[JimmyDreamsOfZygos]

do you have a father in the scene? Also i feel like getting more sleep is a start but its easier said than done

Retarded advice jfl

 

[Bryce]

damn response is giga genetic huh, i was told it was 100ug as well
have your parents ever taken acid?

Wouldn't matter if my parents have done it before. My aunt got extreme schizophrenia from a 3-day long acid trip in the 60's and it led her to her death, otherwise no history of mental disorders in the family. PSYCHEDELICS ARE POISONOUS CHEMICALS WHICH EXIST FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF DEFENDING THEMSELVES. Same with weed, THC is secreted onto the buds to protect it from heavy UV rays, and the reason it gets you stoned is because animals hate it, it's a poison that deters consumption, yet human beings are so fucking retarded they willingly burn the damn plant and inhale it.

 

[VrillFatNoob24]

my life on the outside is honestly pretty normal which makes this worse considering ive felt like this for half a decade now, and i feel selfish for feeling like this even though it could be a million times worse. anytime something gets better for me i just end up digging myself into a deeper hole, or someone does that for me. i hate that no one can truly understand me and why i do the things i do.

the problem is, i literally just cannot be happy. im a sensitive piece of shit who doesnt know how to shut up and that offends or annoys people around me, which leads to them getting upset or just saying shit about me which i take to heart 10x more than others oddly enough.

because of that and me being a jester without being able to control it, no one really takes me or my feelings seriously.

my academics have been getting worse and even though i actually dont have crazy bad grades right now i slave away like a zombie at midnight and get 2 hours of sleep every school night which results in my growth being fucked so im probably gonna be 5'9 forever and it also sucks living off adhd meds every day instead of just being able to sleep

in september i started harming myself as a way to cope and all that did was make me have to change in a separate locker room before practice so no one sees and i get sent to some mental hospital.

knowing my luck, its just gonna get worse as an adult. i know no one is coming to save me, and honestly, id rather try to help others than have people check on me.

and no therapy didnt work i was in it for like 2 years and just quit because it was $90 per session and my mom was struggling with money

i dont want to grow up either, i just dont want to live anymore. i want to dissapear. eventually everyone will forget about me, or ill be a faint memory they'll look back on.

this isnt even half of why i feel the way i do but i just needed to get this off my chest and write it somewhere

Ok

 

[birthdefect]

Wouldn't matter if my parents have done it before. My aunt got extreme schizophrenia from a 3-day long acid trip in the 60's and it led her to her death, otherwise no history of mental disorders in the family. PSYCHEDELICS ARE POISONOUS CHEMICALS WHICH EXIST FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF DEFENDING THEMSELVES. Same with weed, THC is secreted onto the buds to protect it from heavy UV rays, and the reason it gets you stoned is because animals hate it, it's a poison that deters consumption, yet human beings are so fucking retarded they willingly burn the damn plant and inhale it.

we arent even the only animals who get high, and it isnt even a new thing. you got brutally unlucky but i hope things go well for you
and psychedelics arent poisonous bruh

 

[Bryce]

we arent even the only animals who get high, and it isnt even a new thing. you got brutally unlucky but i hope things go well for you
and psychedelics arent poisonous bruh

Yes yes dolphins antagonize pufferfish to get stoned we've all heard that nonsense before. Does that somehow make altering your state of mind via a natural or synthetic chemical... smart? Good? Justified? No, it doesn't. Bears eat their own cubs, does that mean it's ok for humans to eat their own babies? Psychedelics are 100% poisonous, why else would they make you hallucinate? Psilocybin and psilocyn are produced in certain mushrooms to stun you and make hallucinate. The problem with modernity is that idiots are surrounded by their 4 walls, they'll never experience the natural consequences to consuming harmful things. If you were a nomad searching for food late at night and ate psychedelic mushrooms, you wouldn't chill out and have some amazing epiphany, you'd be impaired and scared shitless.

 

[superchud90000]

do you have a father in the scene? Also i feel like getting more sleep is a start but its easier said than done

he doesnt live with me but i see him every now and then

 

[superchud90000]

Also i feel like getting more sleep is a start but its easier said than done

ive definitely been trying but consistency is hard especially when i have so much to do

 

[birthdefect]

Yes yes dolphins antagonize pufferfish to get stoned we've all heard that nonsense before. Does that somehow make altering your state of mind via a natural or synthetic chemical... smart? Good? Justified? No, it doesn't. Bears eat their own cubs, does that mean it's ok for humans to eat their own babies? Psychedelics are 100% poisonous, why else would they make you hallucinate? Psilocybin and psilocyn are produced in certain mushrooms to stun you and make hallucinate. The problem with modernity is that idiots are surrounded by their 4 walls, they'll never experience the natural consequences to consuming harmful things. If you were a nomad searching for food late at night and ate psychedelic mushrooms, you wouldn't chill out and have some amazing epiphany, you'd be impaired and scared shitless.

i feel like being impaired and scared shitless still happens from psychedelics. just because they make you hallucinate doesnt just make them poisonous immediately, thats not how anything works bruh. psilocybin specifically was a deterrent made for insects, not for humans.
and btw i was actually thinking about reindeers eating amanita muscaria

 

[Bryce]

i feel like being impaired and scared shitless still happens from psychedelics. just because they make you hallucinate doesnt just make them poisonous immediately, thats not how anything works bruh. psilocybin specifically was a deterrent made for insects, not for humans.
and btw i was actually thinking about reindeers eating amanita muscaria

Actually, it makes insects have sex repeatedly when they land on it... yes that is correct, it makes tiny bugs lose their minds. So if they make you hallucinate, what does it make them if not negative? Why would a plant cause a visceral serotonin spike to those who eat it? It's certainly not natures way of saying "thanks for plucking me out of the ground and eating me." Nothing that is alive wants to be eaten, psychedelics are natures way of telling you to fuck off. There's no other explanation.

 

[birthdefect]

Actually, it makes insects have sex repeatedly when they land on it... yes that is correct, it makes tiny bugs lose their minds. So if they make you hallucinate, what does it make them if not negative? Why would a plant cause a visceral serotonin spike to those who eat it? It's certainly not natures way of saying "thanks for plucking me out of the ground and eating me." Nothing that is alive wants to be eaten, psychedelics are natures way of telling you to fuck off. There's no other explanation.

i mean yea it is a defence mechanism but you could argue the same for capsaicin or caffeine
i dont really see an argument for abstaining from either of those just because its a defence mechanism either