B
bodydmorph2004
Iron
- Joined
- Oct 4, 2023
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Hey guys I’m back with another slightly narcissistic ego stroking post 
. (Every day I am consumed by - and kept awake by - the fear that I am a narcissist like my father)
I’ve seen it called a oneitis, but i’m not about to use that term for this. Let’s call her Iris.
I’ve got plenty of bodies and have no problem getting pretty much any girl I want, nor have I ever struggled w/that. I’m on this forum because i’m adhd (although i personally don’t think it makes me “weird) and have body dysmorphia. I’m writing this because I can’t talk to my IRLs about this otherwise they’re gonna think i’m insane and they also can’t know any of this happened (you’ll understand in a minute what i mean by that.)
Iris was the girl in my highschool friend group who I always felt something for but never spoke up abt it, and it was pretty obvious she was attracted to me but never said anything, as when we would go swimming and in general when I was looking sexually provocative I could see her eyes on me alot more than they usually are and way more than any of the other guys or girls in this group. Blah blah highschool went on and another girl in the friend group, Iris’s best friend had feelings for me and asked me out. Although I wasn’t really that attracted to her, I didn’t wanna put a rift in our friend group so I accepted and just went out w her for the experience and to maybe see if something could come of it. She ended up catching crazy feelings for me (because I treated her like a gentleman and didn’t really know how not to flirt on a date) and was like basically in love with me. The end of senior year comes around and I realize how much I was into Iris.
All the other relationships i’ve been in i’ve seen the girl as a friend with benefits type thing and I’ve never really been into the girl, I can’t picture myself being with her. However, with Iris, I couldn’t just picture myself being with her, I felt for her greater emotion than i’ve felt for anything else. I’ve never been someone who gets consumed by emotion, (as a kid I was the only man in a household of woman who were all assaulted by my father, so any and all of my actions needed to be the antithesis of my narcissistic, psychopathic, abusive father), however at the time just the thought of iris brought about such sheer emotion that it only felt logical to throw logic out and act purely on emotion. I don’t think I loved Iris, however I know she is the only girl i’ve ever met that i can genuinely imagine loving. I don’t know why I feel this way for her, but to me she is the most amazing woman ever. Anyway, here’s where it goes south.
I left the state for college, so I was given the opportunity to end things with iris’s best friend. Thankfully, she got drunk and kissed a guy when I left so I was able to break up with her on the grounds that it was her fault, therefore iris wouldn’t think of me as such a scumbag for leaving her best friend because I actually want her. Now that i’m back for the holidays, I was at a party with another friend group and iris was there with some of her friends, however not with her best friend. Iris and I were pong partners and I was being flirty with her as she was with me and we ended up getting shit on in pong and really drunk together. Long story short about 2 hours later we go to one of the bedrooms in the basement (i’m boys with the host and have done it before so it’s cool) anyway, when we get to the room we’re all over each other super passionately, more passionate and emotional than I have ever felt before (and if i’m unlucky, may never feel again). We got to the bed and we’re touching and foreplay is going on but I felt horrible because this isn’t how I wanted us to get together and I told her as such. essentially i said don’t want this to be like my past times and I want to have something special with her, something past what I’ve had in hs (she knows about my slight promiscuity because we’ve been in the same group for 7 years) and I thought she would obviously agree because she had 1 body before leaving for college (and I pray she still does) but she blew the fuck up on me.
She put her clothes on and told me this is stupid and we never should be anything. Then I followed her out and she blew up on me again for “doing that” before going up and rejoining her friends and the rest of the party (no hand wash that i saw btw
). She didn’t look at me for the rest of the night and we haven’t spoken since.
She didn’t fucking want me bro
She didn’t want what I wanted
I’ve never not been able to pull a girl I tried at and could basically pull whatever girl I wanted for sex since the end of 11th grade, yet the one girl I wanted for love I crashed and burned at, as she just wanted sex.
I have no right to be sad, I’ve brought this upon myself by imagining her and i together in such a way, it is not her who has made me feel this way, it’s myself. This is self pity at its finest.
I expect everyone to make fun of me and honestly doubt this story is true. Xangsane and Zenis (idk how to tag them) can prove to you that I can and have definitely pulled the way I’ve claimed in this thread. However as for everything else, I could be just schizoposting. I guess my way of making myself feel better is by writing this all down and having people read it.
It’s cool if you flame me, it’s well deserved.
. (Every day I am consumed by - and kept awake by - the fear that I am a narcissist like my father)I’ve seen it called a oneitis, but i’m not about to use that term for this. Let’s call her Iris.
I’ve got plenty of bodies and have no problem getting pretty much any girl I want, nor have I ever struggled w/that. I’m on this forum because i’m adhd (although i personally don’t think it makes me “weird) and have body dysmorphia. I’m writing this because I can’t talk to my IRLs about this otherwise they’re gonna think i’m insane and they also can’t know any of this happened (you’ll understand in a minute what i mean by that.)
Iris was the girl in my highschool friend group who I always felt something for but never spoke up abt it, and it was pretty obvious she was attracted to me but never said anything, as when we would go swimming and in general when I was looking sexually provocative I could see her eyes on me alot more than they usually are and way more than any of the other guys or girls in this group. Blah blah highschool went on and another girl in the friend group, Iris’s best friend had feelings for me and asked me out. Although I wasn’t really that attracted to her, I didn’t wanna put a rift in our friend group so I accepted and just went out w her for the experience and to maybe see if something could come of it. She ended up catching crazy feelings for me (because I treated her like a gentleman and didn’t really know how not to flirt on a date) and was like basically in love with me. The end of senior year comes around and I realize how much I was into Iris.
All the other relationships i’ve been in i’ve seen the girl as a friend with benefits type thing and I’ve never really been into the girl, I can’t picture myself being with her. However, with Iris, I couldn’t just picture myself being with her, I felt for her greater emotion than i’ve felt for anything else. I’ve never been someone who gets consumed by emotion, (as a kid I was the only man in a household of woman who were all assaulted by my father, so any and all of my actions needed to be the antithesis of my narcissistic, psychopathic, abusive father), however at the time just the thought of iris brought about such sheer emotion that it only felt logical to throw logic out and act purely on emotion. I don’t think I loved Iris, however I know she is the only girl i’ve ever met that i can genuinely imagine loving. I don’t know why I feel this way for her, but to me she is the most amazing woman ever. Anyway, here’s where it goes south.
I left the state for college, so I was given the opportunity to end things with iris’s best friend. Thankfully, she got drunk and kissed a guy when I left so I was able to break up with her on the grounds that it was her fault, therefore iris wouldn’t think of me as such a scumbag for leaving her best friend because I actually want her. Now that i’m back for the holidays, I was at a party with another friend group and iris was there with some of her friends, however not with her best friend. Iris and I were pong partners and I was being flirty with her as she was with me and we ended up getting shit on in pong and really drunk together. Long story short about 2 hours later we go to one of the bedrooms in the basement (i’m boys with the host and have done it before so it’s cool) anyway, when we get to the room we’re all over each other super passionately, more passionate and emotional than I have ever felt before (and if i’m unlucky, may never feel again). We got to the bed and we’re touching and foreplay is going on but I felt horrible because this isn’t how I wanted us to get together and I told her as such. essentially i said don’t want this to be like my past times and I want to have something special with her, something past what I’ve had in hs (she knows about my slight promiscuity because we’ve been in the same group for 7 years) and I thought she would obviously agree because she had 1 body before leaving for college (and I pray she still does) but she blew the fuck up on me.
She put her clothes on and told me this is stupid and we never should be anything. Then I followed her out and she blew up on me again for “doing that” before going up and rejoining her friends and the rest of the party (no hand wash that i saw btw
). She didn’t look at me for the rest of the night and we haven’t spoken since.She didn’t fucking want me bro
She didn’t want what I wanted
I’ve never not been able to pull a girl I tried at and could basically pull whatever girl I wanted for sex since the end of 11th grade, yet the one girl I wanted for love I crashed and burned at, as she just wanted sex.
I have no right to be sad, I’ve brought this upon myself by imagining her and i together in such a way, it is not her who has made me feel this way, it’s myself. This is self pity at its finest.
I expect everyone to make fun of me and honestly doubt this story is true. Xangsane and Zenis (idk how to tag them) can prove to you that I can and have definitely pulled the way I’ve claimed in this thread. However as for everything else, I could be just schizoposting. I guess my way of making myself feel better is by writing this all down and having people read it.
It’s cool if you flame me, it’s well deserved.
