I wish time stopped at least for a while.

[Deleted member 3177]

My childhood is so far away. I remember times when I could grasp the emotion I felt as a kid when I did something and get embarrassed and think "How could I do that?" Now there's no emotion anymore. I can't feel embarrassed or sad about anything anymore. I remember all the individual moments like vignettes that shaped me into me and I don't feel anything, I just feel bittersweet about everything. Should I feel sad or happy that I spent all my childhood watching TV and using my computer? Should I have expected anything else? I remember I thought I was popular because I was the class clown, then I became a nobody desperate for attention. Then my mental illness peaked and I spent seven months puking and crying because I reached the dead end of my life. Now I feel like puking too.

Why did I get hopeful that life would change for me? Just because the decade changed? A number could change me? I feel happy and feel like life opens up a path and then it closes up and I'm depressed again just because it's what I feel like doing. My stomach churns. I've said "Life is going to be better" so many times now. I can think of all the times that I said it. Now I remember it and feel pathetic. It's lame.

I wish time would stop. I wanted to go back to the time when I was happy playing on my computer as a kid chubbing on cookies and going to McDonald's with my grandma. Even then I treated her badly because my mental illness started showing up. I'm always looking for someone or something to hate because my brain is fucked, that's the kind of faggot I am. When time rolls over and I find myself in 5 years and everyone's 5 years older I'll remember all the unjustified hatred just to relieve my brain from its shit chemistry and puke again. I want to be positive but it's hard.

And now with corona it's one more year, one more year that I'm wasting. The moment slips immediately and I'm never living it, I just live through memories and they all disappear because I'm never in the present, I'm just stuck in the past wanting to feel something I'll never feel again. Just having a certain emotion and thinking "This will pass too" is too depressing for my shitty brain. When I'm talking to my friends, when I'm with my family, when I'm playing a game, when I'm here, I just think that the moment I'm living will slip away and I'll find myself in the future long removed from it. Everything passes but I never live it. No real experiences. I want to puke and cry and hug the innocent kid I was when I was on a sofa watching cartoons with my mom, when everyone thought I was a prodigy, when I thought I was special and I was the protagonist of some story. Never making any friends or doing anything, just hyping myself up to be more than I am, and doing the same thing even when I no longer had friends and realized that my family is going to die sometime, even though the one who should be dead is me after how good everyone's been to me. I guess I don't really care about being incel because I live in my brain and it feels like I'm in a different reality. In a box where nothing touches me or happens to me and I don't care about girls or anything like that.

That was my rant. inb4 dn rd

 

[Deleted member 5180]

Read every word bro I’m here for you

 

[Deleted member 3177]

Read every word bro I’m here for you

I had to get it out tbh. I'm okay now. I'll try to be happy and live my life to the fullest. Like an anime loser stereotype. My mental illness makes me lie and create stories either way so most likely nothing I say ever happened, I'm pretty sure I'm just normal. Life will be okay

 

[Sopdu]

You want to the know the true cure?

Stay offline for a year, don't even peak. Don't watch porn or TV or Movies or Music. You need to learn how to be entirely bored again.

Become entirely bored and focus on excercise, either learning a sport of bodybuilding / calisthenics

Sleep 9 or 10 hours a night pre 9pm

Learn a skill through reading books.

Come back after doing an entire year.

Cut out all sugar, dairy and soy.

This is the true cure, however most people just want to complain and cry and take meds instead of disciplining themselves into hard work.

Stop being a fucking bitch

 

[balding17yomanletcel]

not a single particle

 

[Disabledcel]

 

[Deleted member 3177]

You want to the know the true cure?

Stay offline for a year, don't even peak. Don't watch porn or TV or Movies or Music. You need to learn how to be entirely bored again.

Become entirely bored and focus on excercise, either learning a sport of bodybuilding / calisthenics

Sleep 9 or 10 hours a night pre 9pm

Learn a skill through reading books.

Come back after doing an entire year.

Cut out all sugar, dairy and soy.

This is the true cure, however most people just want to complain and cry and take meds instead of disciplining themselves into hard work.

Stop being a fucking bitch

I'm not always depressed, it goes off for a long while before returning, like a lot of other stuff. I got off Jew pills in November and had to go through December and January feeling like legitimate human feces. Don't watch movies or TV, don't eat sugar, dairy or soy due to diet and exercise daily. I'm as good as it gets when my brain chemistry resets, but when it goes off again I'm back to square one, independent of what I do

 

[Stare]

I can relate, bro
You are not the only one who feels like this

 

[maxmendietta]

not a photon son tbhngql

 

[Sopdu]

I'm not always depressed, it goes off for a long while before returning, like a lot of other stuff. I got off Jew pills in November and had to go through December and January feeling like legitimate human feces. Don't watch movies or TV, don't eat sugar, dairy or soy due to diet and exercise daily. I'm as good as it gets when my brain chemistry resets, but when it goes off again I'm back to square one, independent of what I do

clearly not you spend all day online

 

[Deleted member 3177]

clearly not you spend all day online

Not lying though. I spend a lot of time online in between doing other stuff like cooking with my mom or doing exercise or completing homework, I'm not a rotter. I just use this site because nobody knows who I am

 

[Deleted member 2756]

not a single particle

 

[Deleted member 3177]

That was my rant. inb4 dn rd

 

[Elias]

Not a para

 

[Deleted member 6401]

hmm

 

[Deleted member 3177]

I got off Jew pills

 

[Deleted]

Read every word bro, sad shit

 

[Vidyacoper]

too much soy for my retina to process, didnt read

 

[Deleted member 3177]

too much soy

 

[Vidyacoper]

View attachment 357727

ok i did in fact read but u need to man up
i dont even really understand how mental illnesses work but just stop being a loser

 

[yang]

I read every word bro.

Childhood is bliss

 

[Vermilioncore]

Brb

 

[Deleted member 3177]

It is indeed not over

 

[Deleted member 7079]

My childhood is so far away. I remember times when I could grasp the emotion I felt as a kid when I did something and get embarrassed and think "How could I do that?" Now there's no emotion anymore. I can't feel embarrassed or sad about anything anymore. I remember all the individual moments like vignettes that shaped me into me and I don't feel anything, I just feel bittersweet about everything. Should I feel sad or happy that I spent all my childhood watching TV and using my computer? Should I have expected anything else? I remember I thought I was popular because I was the class clown, then I became a nobody desperate for attention. Then my mental illness peaked and I spent seven months puking and crying because I reached the dead end of my life. Now I feel like puking too.

Why did I get hopeful that life would change for me? Just because the decade changed? A number could change me? I feel happy and feel like life opens up a path and then it closes up and I'm depressed again just because it's what I feel like doing. My stomach churns. I've said "Life is going to be better" so many times now. I can think of all the times that I said it. Now I remember it and feel pathetic. It's lame.

I wish time would stop. I wanted to go back to the time when I was happy playing on my computer as a kid chubbing on cookies and going to McDonald's with my grandma. Even then I treated her badly because my mental illness started showing up. I'm always looking for someone or something to hate because my brain is fucked, that's the kind of faggot I am. When time rolls over and I find myself in 5 years and everyone's 5 years older I'll remember all the unjustified hatred just to relieve my brain from its shit chemistry and puke again. I want to be positive but it's hard.

And now with corona it's one more year, one more year that I'm wasting. The moment slips immediately and I'm never living it, I just live through memories and they all disappear because I'm never in the present, I'm just stuck in the past wanting to feel something I'll never feel again. Just having a certain emotion and thinking "This will pass too" is too depressing for my shitty brain. When I'm talking to my friends, when I'm with my family, when I'm playing a game, when I'm here, I just think that the moment I'm living will slip away and I'll find myself in the future long removed from it. Everything passes but I never live it. No real experiences. I want to puke and cry and hug the innocent kid I was when I was on a sofa watching cartoons with my mom, when everyone thought I was a prodigy, when I thought I was special and I was the protagonist of some story. Never making any friends or doing anything, just hyping myself up to be more than I am, and doing the same thing even when I no longer had friends and realized that my family is going to die sometime, even though the one who should be dead is me after how good everyone's been to me. I guess I don't really care about being incel because I live in my brain and it feels like I'm in a different reality. In a box where nothing touches me or happens to me and I don't care about girls or anything like that.

That was my rant. inb4 dn rd

Read every word

Is this what you think about during post-nut clarity?

 

[Deleted member 3177]

What the fuck is this thread bro

 

[Deleted member 3853]

dn rd

 

[Deleted member 3177]

Read every word

Is this what you think about during post-nut clarity?

It's what I think when my brain short circuits

 

[Nisse]

I feel you bro, i wasted so much time from 7th to 9th grade (when i was 13-15 gonna be 16 in a few months) the transition from 6th to 7th grade hit me hard...

During winter break on 7th grade i became really really depressed and anxious im talking about a severe depression and social anxiety. The first school day after the holiday i couldnt get myself out of bed i was paralized literally, the pressure to become friends with the popular kids was insane, my best friend from elementary instantly became friends with the popular kids and forgot all about me..., i cried myself to sleep every night.

I went to school on average once a week during 7th, 8th and 9th grade and now that its over i regret it so bad, i just sat inside all day curtains on my windows eating shit watching yt and playing video games, i wish i could go back in time. I thought alot about roping too.

I got diagnosed with severe depression and social anxiety 3 months ago, i just got off the medication cause i didnt need that shit

Things are getting better now i think

Keep your head up king thing will get better we will all make it in the end

 

[Deleted member 3177]

in the end

It starts with one thing I don't know why It doesn't even matter how hard you try Keep that in mind I designed this rhyme To explain in due time All I know Time is a valuable thing Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings Watch it count down to the end of the day The clock ticks life away It's so...

 

[Saoirsecel]

Life is fucking boring