D
Deleted member 25059
Fuchsia
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2022
- Posts
- 11,023
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I'm 26 years old and I have come to the conclusion that my life is not worth living if I have to continue to struggle with the social anxiety and depression I have been experiencing for as long as I can remember.
Leading up to, during, and sometimes after any social interaction, I can't focus on anything but the anxiety I feel and although I realize my thoughts relating to social interaction are irrational, I still fear it more than anything else. For every interaction I fear a million different negative possibilities, and every time at least a couple of them become reality.
My only few friends were made before this social anxiety disorder was a big problem, since then I've separated myself from potential friends once the friendship got too involved and stressful. I've never had any conversation more than a minute with any girl my age; a girlfriend or even a female friend has always been out of the question. I stopped going to classes at uni and eventually dropped out due to the immense fear every time I had to leave my room. Lately it has started to sink in that to make a living I HAVE to interact with others but I'm at the point where I avoid all social interaction unless it's 100% necessary. If I could somehow make a living without any interaction whatsoever I would have no problems in life! I've been suggested a few 'solo' jobs but they're all far fetched or require at least a bit of interaction every day/week. I’ve tried extensively to make money online but that has only been a waste of money so far and now I have no more to invest.
Seeing a doctor/therapist/whatever is out of the question because nothing will convince me to do it with the fear I have, especially since I can just research whatever bullshit techniques they're going to feed me. I don't want to spend my life 'managing' this shit. People say social anxiety can be overcome with a lot of work, well CBT therapy sounds like torture, so does getting a job in sales to give myself exposure therapy. If I have to go through all of this torture to fix it I would just rather kill myself gladly. The only reason I haven't is because it would devastate my parents.
Leading up to, during, and sometimes after any social interaction, I can't focus on anything but the anxiety I feel and although I realize my thoughts relating to social interaction are irrational, I still fear it more than anything else. For every interaction I fear a million different negative possibilities, and every time at least a couple of them become reality.
My only few friends were made before this social anxiety disorder was a big problem, since then I've separated myself from potential friends once the friendship got too involved and stressful. I've never had any conversation more than a minute with any girl my age; a girlfriend or even a female friend has always been out of the question. I stopped going to classes at uni and eventually dropped out due to the immense fear every time I had to leave my room. Lately it has started to sink in that to make a living I HAVE to interact with others but I'm at the point where I avoid all social interaction unless it's 100% necessary. If I could somehow make a living without any interaction whatsoever I would have no problems in life! I've been suggested a few 'solo' jobs but they're all far fetched or require at least a bit of interaction every day/week. I’ve tried extensively to make money online but that has only been a waste of money so far and now I have no more to invest.
Seeing a doctor/therapist/whatever is out of the question because nothing will convince me to do it with the fear I have, especially since I can just research whatever bullshit techniques they're going to feed me. I don't want to spend my life 'managing' this shit. People say social anxiety can be overcome with a lot of work, well CBT therapy sounds like torture, so does getting a job in sales to give myself exposure therapy. If I have to go through all of this torture to fix it I would just rather kill myself gladly. The only reason I haven't is because it would devastate my parents.
