If your the happiness for your entire existence depends on somebody else, you are not ready for a relationship.

[Deleted member 4362]

I just wanted to highlight this specific point outside of any other context that may obscure it.

Oftentimes, we see a bunch of misogynist and/or racist garbage tied up with incel ideology, making it difficult to address this specific point. It’s easy and obvious to pick out the clearly violent content that incels regularly generate and knock it down in isolation (as it deserves).

But we often slide by the true consequences of incel entitlement.

As I say in the title: if your happiness exclusively depends on somebody else, you are not ready to be with that somebody else. You do not deserve that somebody else.

It doesn’t matter if you are a toxic incel, a peaceful incel, just a lonely guy who wants to be in a relationship, the next Elliot Rogers, the incel king, or the progenitor Chad himself. If your sense of self worth exclusively depends on somebody else, you are not prepared for, and do not deserve, that other person.

You are an **emotionally dependent person**, and your emotional dependence **will not change** just because you find yourself in a relationship.

If you feel worthless because you don’t have a relationship, you will feel worthless because you feel you can’t keep a relationship once you’re in it. Instead of complaining about how alone you are, you will now begin looking over your shoulder at every mistake you make because you’ll be paralyzed with fear over your partner leaving you.

**Emotional dependence ruins relationships**

Being emotionally dependent means you have nothing to give back to your partner, because you depend on your partner to give you emotions in the first place.

You cannot give your partner happiness if you depend on your partner for happiness.

You cannot give your partner love if you depend on your partner to give you love first.

You will destroy your relationship because, as soon as your partner comes back from work and isn’t happy, you will unable to give them the emotions and qualities you depend on them to give you. At the risk of sounding blunt, being emotionally dependent is essentially being an emotional leech. You take and take, never giving back, slowly destroying the relationship you were never prepared to have in the first place.

And to the incels that think you can solve that problem by just finding somebody so broken they will never leave you, all you’re doing is multiplying your pain. The other person will be doing to you what I just outlined you will be doing to them.

An emotionally codependent relationship is a toxic relationship. Rather than both of you contributing to the relationship, all you’re doing is both taking from the same limited reservoir of relationship emotions. Two people drinking from a stagnant well will quickly cause it to run dry, and they will both die of thirst because neither person will be strong enough to fix the well on their own.

To summarize.

If your entire sense of self esteem depends on somebody else, you are not ready for a relationship, you do not deserve the relationship, and you will more than likely kill the relationship if you actually manage to get it.

If you think you can get around this by just attaching yourself to another emotionally dependent person, all you’re doing is doubling your problems.

You need to be an emotionally independent person, capable of giving back to the relationship at least as much as you get from it, before you’re ready to seek one.

> Peter Parker: I’m nothing without the ~~suit~~ relationship!

> Tony Stark: If you’re nothing without the ~~suit~~ relationship, then you shouldn’t have it.

 

[Deleted member 4362]

 

[juste]

dnr
say this to my wife

 

[Moggie]

 

[Deleted member 4362]

dnr
say this to my wife

you should only get into a relationship if you’re not yearning for one. only when you’re completely secure in being single are you ready to bring someone else into the equation.

 

[Deleted member 4362]

The entire premise of incel ideology is fundamentally flawed (no surprise) because they believe a complete lie about human interactions (again, not a surprise).

They have completely centered their lives around taking. People have taken sex away from them. They want to take sex from others. The entire world is take take take, to them.

Suffice it to say the world doesn’t work like that at all.

If you take an incel and, one day, gift him a girlfriend, money, cars, status, etc, one of two things will happen:

1. ⁠he will forever be looking over his shoulder worried about losing everything he has to some mistake he makes
2. ⁠he will claim that the only reason his life is going well now is because of the money, status, job, etc, and he’s not actually being loved.

There is simply no way around this. A person simply cannot give into a relationship a thing that they do not have. A person that depends on others to be happy cannot give happiness to others. A person that depends on somebody else for a positive self esteem will never be able to build up someone else’s self esteem.

And this is why incels continue to fail, and will continue to fail, and this is something that absolutely no amount of artificial life changes will be able to fix. They can undergo surgery, find a job, and address their personality, but they will still kill whatever relationship they find if they remain emotionally dependent people.

There are incels right now who are killing the friendships and relationships they have because of this and, unfortunately, there is absolutely no other solution to their problem if they themselves don’t choose to address their emotional dependencies.

 

[juste]

you should only get into a relationship if you’re not yearning for one. only when you’re completely secure in being single are you ready to bring someone else into the equation.

say this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wifesay this to my wife

 

[Moggie]

The entire premise of incel ideology is fundamentally flawed (no surprise) because they believe a complete lie about human interactions (again, not a surprise).

They have completely centered their lives around taking. People have taken sex away from them. They want to take sex from others. The entire world is take take take, to them.

Suffice it to say the world doesn’t work like that at all.

If you take an incel and, one day, gift him a girlfriend, money, cars, status, etc, one of two things will happen:

1. ⁠he will forever be looking over his shoulder worried about losing everything he has to some mistake he makes
2. ⁠he will claim that the only reason his life is going well now is because of the money, status, job, etc, and he’s not actually being loved.

There is simply no way around this. A person simply cannot give into a relationship a thing that they do not have. A person that depends on others to be happy cannot give happiness to others. A person that depends on somebody else for a positive self esteem will never be able to build up someone else’s self esteem.

And this is why incels continue to fail, and will continue to fail, and this is something that absolutely no amount of artificial life changes will be able to fix. They can undergo surgery, find a job, and address their personality, but they will still kill whatever relationship they find if they remain emotionally dependent people.

There are incels right now who are killing the friendships and relationships they have because of this and, unfortunately, there is absolutely no other solution to their problem if they themselves don’t choose to address their emotional dependencies.