the_machinist_786
The Game Is On
- Joined
- Aug 26, 2024
- Posts
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I'm 30 years old, virgin, only barely kissed a girl. And I've been "okay" with it. I've been saying 'if it happens it happens' and such. But I've never pursued a relationship with a girl, never really been on the apps. I've been watching porn daily for 15+ years. I've never felt self-conscious about being forever single. I've generally always kept myself entertained - or so I thought.
Last night, I heard my upstairs neighbors have sex. I've lived in this apartment for 9+ years, never heard it before. And it didn't get me aroused. It stressed me the fuck out. I wanted to cry. They were talking, laughing and moaning. It was a visceral experience to hear. It ruined my sleep, and I feel awful today. It has stressed me the fuck out. That's what I've deprived myself from. A stone dropped in my stomach. My bubble here in my apartment has burst.
Under a year ago, I wanted to lose my virginity before I turned 30, so I found an escort (it's legal here). She was friendly, welcoming and I was open about my virginity. I couldn't stay hard. It felt awful. I told myself it was 'I just need a real connection', but I haven't even pursued that since. I've just watched porn - and escalated to AI chatbots too. It scratched the itch.
But at what cost, is what I've come to ask myself. It feels terrible. It feels like I've thrown my youth away.
I've been reading a lot, and especially the most upvoted post spoke to me: [Porn stole love from you](https://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/comments/hv82vf/porn_stole_love_from_you/). Every line of that post... that's me.
Today I'm starting my recovery. I'm dropping porn entirely. I wish I had come to this revelation earlier.
Last night, I heard my upstairs neighbors have sex. I've lived in this apartment for 9+ years, never heard it before. And it didn't get me aroused. It stressed me the fuck out. I wanted to cry. They were talking, laughing and moaning. It was a visceral experience to hear. It ruined my sleep, and I feel awful today. It has stressed me the fuck out. That's what I've deprived myself from. A stone dropped in my stomach. My bubble here in my apartment has burst.
Under a year ago, I wanted to lose my virginity before I turned 30, so I found an escort (it's legal here). She was friendly, welcoming and I was open about my virginity. I couldn't stay hard. It felt awful. I told myself it was 'I just need a real connection', but I haven't even pursued that since. I've just watched porn - and escalated to AI chatbots too. It scratched the itch.
But at what cost, is what I've come to ask myself. It feels terrible. It feels like I've thrown my youth away.
I've been reading a lot, and especially the most upvoted post spoke to me: [Porn stole love from you](https://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/comments/hv82vf/porn_stole_love_from_you/). Every line of that post... that's me.
Today I'm starting my recovery. I'm dropping porn entirely. I wish I had come to this revelation earlier.
Last edited:
. Might as well continue using your right hand
