Cinnamonzito
Iron
- Joined
- Aug 20, 2023
- Posts
- 206
- Reputation
- 126
I was weak, didn't had the courage to proceed with the surgery (orthognathic). I was just hours from making the coin toss (success or over), and couldn't go till the end. I felt a type of fear I'd never experienced before, being in front of this behemoth of a decision that I thought was my salvation till I was hours from it. I just wanted to go back home and spend time with family, friends and see my brother grow a little more. I was not ready to give up everything (rope) if I got botched.
Never wanted to have to be operated on, to be different, to be modified to even have a chance at being loved. Why couldn't I just be born healthy and normal?
When I came back home, my willpower, dreams and hope were shattered. I honestly gave up on being good enough to find love, and was filling the void with games, music, daydreaming etc (was rotting badly, sleeping really late, and depressed in general (it has been almost 2 years that in this state)) and took time out of the forum and bp in general. But as we know, it cannot be escaped, I'm no exception. Being stuck in a defective flesh cage is hell. I'M MORE THAN MY APPEARANCE, and I wanted to be able to show it, I wanted to be able to show how much I love my family and friends, but the depression and hate I feel towards myself pushes me to isolation.
The cycle will restart and maybe, when I'm mature enough to be committed to abandoning everything, I'll think about doing the surgery again.
Never wanted to have to be operated on, to be different, to be modified to even have a chance at being loved. Why couldn't I just be born healthy and normal?
When I came back home, my willpower, dreams and hope were shattered. I honestly gave up on being good enough to find love, and was filling the void with games, music, daydreaming etc (was rotting badly, sleeping really late, and depressed in general (it has been almost 2 years that in this state)) and took time out of the forum and bp in general. But as we know, it cannot be escaped, I'm no exception. Being stuck in a defective flesh cage is hell. I'M MORE THAN MY APPEARANCE, and I wanted to be able to show it, I wanted to be able to show how much I love my family and friends, but the depression and hate I feel towards myself pushes me to isolation.
The cycle will restart and maybe, when I'm mature enough to be committed to abandoning everything, I'll think about doing the surgery again.
