I'm going to Grad School at a big party school. How do I secure a big friend group at 24?

[ZoomerAmerican]

I'm going to Grad School in the Fall for my Masters

This is probably my last chance to secure a friend group in my entire life

After I get my Masters, I won't be going to Uni anymore for the rest of my life. I won't be in school for the rest of my life. I'll be a permanent wagie and won't have any chance to make friends

I'm going to a big party school, but it's like 700 miles from where I live so I won't know anyone when I go down there in August. Also, making friends as a Grad Student at 24 will be much more difficult than a freshman who's 18.

What would you do in my shoes to ensure a large friend group?

 

[ASCENSCI0N]

https://dn720004.ca.archive.org/0/items/english-collections-1/How%20To%20Win%20Friends%20And%20Influence%20People%20-%20Carnegie%2C%20Dale.pdf

 

[Zeekie]

Your mindset is off from the start. You do not need a massive friend group, you probably would want acquaintances, lots of them. But people with deep, meaningful friendships will usually tell you they have, at most, five close friends. The more people you try to "befriend," the more you realize you're forcing it, putting on a fake mask to be liked by people you don’t even genuinely like. Most of them? You’d just be tolerating.

Now, for some real advice, GET A FUCKING LIFE. I had to learn this the hard way. If you often feel like the "forgotten one" or the "filler friend," it’s probably because you’re not bringing anything valuable to the table. People gravitate toward those who are interesting, skilled, charismatic, or at least memorable. Look at the most socially magnetic people you know. What do they have in common? They’re exceptional at something, maybe they’re great at sports, insanely good at talking, highly attractive, or just passionate about something. You don’t have to be into what’s trendy or mainstream. You just need something that excites you, something you can talk about or showcase without being awkward about it.

Beyond that, you must develop social skills, communication, body language, confidence, smiling (seriously, it works), empathy, active listening, basic grooming and attractiveness, and the ability to be both respectable and funny. These are non-negotiable.

When you’re at the party, have a clear goal. Once you enter, scan the room. Who do you already have a basic connection with? Who seems genuinely interesting? Approach them. You can either cold approach or have a loose plan (questions, a topic, or just a simple observation to break the ice). The key is to talk to as many people as possible, genuinely (it's best if you have a goal: "I will speak to x amount of people today"). Pay attention, who actually clicks with you? Small talk, scale it up naturally, grab their contact, and boom, you've planted the seed of a potential friendship.

But the real key is understanding that socializing isn’t limited to parties. Practice everywhere, malls, parks, bars, random encounters. You’re 24, not 84. The "I can’t make friends at this age" mindset is absolute bullshit. My 72-year-old grandma makes friends everywhere. She met an Italian lady last summer while not even speaking her language, and they still talk somehow. Approach people. Be open. Making friends is a skill, you get better at it the more you do it. Stop putting all your hopes on this one party. You can make friends anywhere.

 

[Zeekie]

https://dn720004.ca.archive.org/0/items/english-collections-1/How%20To%20Win%20Friends%20And%20Influence%20People%20-%20Carnegie%2C%20Dale.pdf

or yeah, just read this book.

 

[1nonlymogs]

I'm going to Grad School in the Fall for my Masters

This is probably my last chance to secure a friend group in my entire life

After I get my Masters, I won't be going to Uni anymore for the rest of my life. I won't be in school for the rest of my life. I'll be a permanent wagie and won't have any chance to make friends

I'm going to a big party school, but it's like 700 miles from where I live so I won't know anyone when I go down there in August. Also, making friends as a Grad Student at 24 will be much more difficult than a freshman who's 18.

What would you do in my shoes to ensure a large friend group?

just be GL

 

[ZoomerAmerican]

Your mindset is off from the start. You do not need a massive friend group, you probably would want acquaintances, lots of them. But people with deep, meaningful friendships will usually tell you they have, at most, five close friends. The more people you try to "befriend," the more you realize you're forcing it, putting on a fake mask to be liked by people you don’t even genuinely like. Most of them? You’d just be tolerating.

Now, for some real advice, GET A FUCKING LIFE. I had to learn this the hard way. If you often feel like the "forgotten one" or the "filler friend," it’s probably because you’re not bringing anything valuable to the table. People gravitate toward those who are interesting, skilled, charismatic, or at least memorable. Look at the most socially magnetic people you know. What do they have in common? They’re exceptional at something, maybe they’re great at sports, insanely good at talking, highly attractive, or just passionate about something. You don’t have to be into what’s trendy or mainstream. You just need something that excites you, something you can talk about or showcase without being awkward about it.

Beyond that, you must develop social skills, communication, body language, confidence, smiling (seriously, it works), empathy, active listening, basic grooming and attractiveness, and the ability to be both respectable and funny. These are non-negotiable.

When you’re at the party, have a clear goal. Once you enter, scan the room. Who do you already have a basic connection with? Who seems genuinely interesting? Approach them. You can either cold approach or have a loose plan (questions, a topic, or just a simple observation to break the ice). The key is to talk to as many people as possible, genuinely (it's best if you have a goal: "I will speak to x amount of people today"). Pay attention, who actually clicks with you? Small talk, scale it up naturally, grab their contact, and boom, you've planted the seed of a potential friendship.

But the real key is understanding that socializing isn’t limited to parties. Practice everywhere, malls, parks, bars, random encounters. You’re 24, not 84. The "I can’t make friends at this age" mindset is absolute bullshit. My 72-year-old grandma makes friends everywhere. She met an Italian lady last summer while not even speaking her language, and they still talk somehow. Approach people. Be open. Making friends is a skill, you get better at it the more you do it. Stop putting all your hopes on this one party. You can make friends anywhere.

Thank you for writing this out.

Unfortunately, my issue is I don't know what I bring to the table. I average at sports, not charismatic, not really exceptional at anything, and my 6 surgeries didn't make me super attractive, maybe at best average.

I'm just a super average guy. I wish I had the knowledge of how the world works and how to act 12 years ago when I was 12. But at 24, doing everything right may not be enough.

 

[ASCENSCI0N]

Thank you for writing this out.

Unfortunately, my issue is I don't know what I bring to the table. I average at sports, not charismatic, not really exceptional at anything, and my 6 surgeries didn't make me super attractive, maybe at best average.

I'm just a super average guy. I wish I had the knowledge of how the world works and how to act 12 years ago when I was 12. But at 24, doing everything right may not be enough.

It looks like the problem is that you're not hard working right now, and you don't know anything about being social, which is why I linked a book for you to help you. You're average at sports cause you don't train at them, you have no knowledge because you don't read.

Don't take this as criticism, just take it as a real way to improve, work hard, especially when you don't feel like it.

 

[Zeekie]

Thank you for writing this out.

Unfortunately, my issue is I don't know what I bring to the table. I average at sports, not charismatic, not really exceptional at anything, and my 6 surgeries didn't make me super attractive, maybe at best average.

I'm just a super average guy. I wish I had the knowledge of how the world works and how to act 12 years ago when I was 12. But at 24, doing everything right may not be enough.

I pretty much agree with the guy above, and I know the struggle firsthand. Luckily, I managed to get my shit together relatively quickly after high school, but still, here’s the thing: The first step to curing a disease is diagnosing the symptoms (or however the phrase goes). Right now, you're unmemorable because you’re average, so making connections is harder. So, how do you stop being average? Simple, develop a skill.

99% of what makes someone interesting comes from their skills, which you can actively work on. You may not be particularly good at anything yet, but surely you have passions, something you enjoy that not everyone shares. That’s where you should start. Find that one thing you’re drawn to, even if you suck at it right now, and then get good at it. More than the average person. Have conviction and real passion for it. In fact, psychiatric research shows that having genuine enthusiasm for something is one of the hallmarks of charisma, it makes others more likely to respect and be inspired by you.

Oh, and also, read. You can start with How to Win Friends and Influence People like Ascenscion recommended, but there are tons of other books that can help. You don’t even need to physically read them, find audiobooks or summaries, pay full attention, take notes, and actively apply what you learn in real-life situations. Social skills are just that, skills. The more you practice, the more natural they become.

That said, reading non-fiction isn’t your only option. You could read fiction, watch movies, or dive into actually good shows. Become a man of culture. Nobody is uninteresting if they’ve consumed way too much deeply introspective entertainment. I’m talking quality stuff, not just the average blockbuster.

 

[Healthymaxxer]

Your mindset is off from the start. You do not need a massive friend group, you probably would want acquaintances, lots of them. But people with deep, meaningful friendships will usually tell you they have, at most, five close friends. The more people you try to "befriend," the more you realize you're forcing it, putting on a fake mask to be liked by people you don’t even genuinely like. Most of them? You’d just be tolerating.

Now, for some real advice, GET A FUCKING LIFE. I had to learn this the hard way. If you often feel like the "forgotten one" or the "filler friend," it’s probably because you’re not bringing anything valuable to the table. People gravitate toward those who are interesting, skilled, charismatic, or at least memorable. Look at the most socially magnetic people you know. What do they have in common? They’re exceptional at something, maybe they’re great at sports, insanely good at talking, highly attractive, or just passionate about something. You don’t have to be into what’s trendy or mainstream. You just need something that excites you, something you can talk about or showcase without being awkward about it.

Beyond that, you must develop social skills, communication, body language, confidence, smiling (seriously, it works), empathy, active listening, basic grooming and attractiveness, and the ability to be both respectable and funny. These are non-negotiable.

When you’re at the party, have a clear goal. Once you enter, scan the room. Who do you already have a basic connection with? Who seems genuinely interesting? Approach them. You can either cold approach or have a loose plan (questions, a topic, or just a simple observation to break the ice). The key is to talk to as many people as possible, genuinely (it's best if you have a goal: "I will speak to x amount of people today"). Pay attention, who actually clicks with you? Small talk, scale it up naturally, grab their contact, and boom, you've planted the seed of a potential friendship.

But the real key is understanding that socializing isn’t limited to parties. Practice everywhere, malls, parks, bars, random encounters. You’re 24, not 84. The "I can’t make friends at this age" mindset is absolute bullshit. My 72-year-old grandma makes friends everywhere. She met an Italian lady last summer while not even speaking her language, and they still talk somehow. Approach people. Be open. Making friends is a skill, you get better at it the more you do it. Stop putting all your hopes on this one party. You can make friends anywhere.

Absolutely high iq comment

 

[ZoomerAmerican]

bump

 

[Askeladd93270]

Your class will be divided in smalls groups 1 the normies 2 the class clowns and roasters 3 the popular 4 others (NT,gotihique,trans etc) 5 the NT isn't a group but is included in the group "others", 6 the annoying geeks 7 the foids they're separated in every group but can link but that's not important the important is to go directly for group 2 creating a link with them will give access to EVERY group and everyone outside the class but for that you have to be funny and talk with them from the first nanosecond and dont do the mistake of the first impression of the quiet kid thats the worst start you can't be in any group after that and become the lonely NT. Just don't think you're annoying group 2 with your precense they don't care they can hang out with disabled ppl if they want to no 1 can tell them anything. Everything I said from experience it's not always like that

 

[Snicket]

What would you do in my shoes to ensure a large friend group?

There's no guarantee of anything. It's going to be hard but going to social events and clubs will be critical.
If you look like a mature student then that could hurt your chances if you're not good looking to begin with.