PsychoDsk
Just a guy | ᴀʀᴄʜɪᴛᴇᴄᴛ ᴏꜰ ꜰᴀᴛᴇ
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- Joined
- Jan 8, 2024
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How did I delude myself into thinking everyone genuinely liked me
I’m still just as insufferable and lonely as I’ve always been
Funny story
Back when I played soccer I was ALWAYS the outsider
Everyone cracked jokes and got along and for me it always felt like it was a chore for people to talk to me. As if I was just there and people had to engage out of pity. There’d be times I was laughed at but never to the point of bullying, god I was so lonely
In primary school it was the same story, I had a pretty big friend group, however I didn’t get along with none of them except my bestfriend. But at the same time he got along with EVERYONE. I still remember asking him everyday ‘am I still your bestfriend, do u like someone more than me?’
That’s so crazy to think about. I was scared shitless he would leave me for someone more fun. In the end I pushed him away for meaningless friends
All those memories randomly came back today because I’ve been feeling the exact same like I did back then.
In high school, it was different. I was actually liked for once. I was cool for like the first 3 years until I got in my head again and it all relapsed and I was an outsider again lmao
I always had the feeling people liked me out of pity instead of actually having fun with me. And that’s so devastating to my personality still. I was ALWAYS the side character, my friends cracked jokes and yea I laughed but they never cracked jokes with me or at me ifykwim.
And then I met someone that genuinely gave me a happy feeling and that made me feel deserving of love or whatever. And I abused it, I let it get to my head for the past 5 years and I’ve slowly been chasing that validation again even though I know it won’t ever feel the same.
I have no idea if I’m liked or if people enjoy talking to me. I really really hope they do but at the same time I never believe it. In my mind I think it’ll always feel like I’m just not apart of just people having connections.
Since that person I’ve had ‘connections’ built on straight bs, it was never personal in no way shape or form. And it scares me because what if I actually grow old and I’m still sitting with the feeling that I’m not liked anywhere.
My biggest dream since I was a kid was to be happy with THE ONE as they say and build a nice little family out of love but because I constantly believe people don’t like me every chance I get I destroy this.
I think I’m a good person, I just think I wanna be liked too much that I end up abandoning the people that ACTUALLY like me
I wish I was different, I wish having friends and people around me in general wasn’t so hard. When there’s a party or when I meet up with friends it always feels like I’m going to war and not even joking I have to be wasted to be able to be myself for 100%. I overthink every word I say, whenever I hear someone talking about me or the vibe or whatever I always interpret it as ‘they hate me, they want me gone’
It hurts me so much
I can’t talk about this with anyone and the people I do wanna talk about this with I have pushed away too far to the point they don’t give a shit anymore
I’m just venting to literally nobody atp
‘Yea now click post’
God fucking damnit
Please tell me one day I won’t run away from people and build self-confidence and not just delusional self-confidence that’s built on shit and bricks
I’m still just as insufferable and lonely as I’ve always been
Funny story
Back when I played soccer I was ALWAYS the outsider
Everyone cracked jokes and got along and for me it always felt like it was a chore for people to talk to me. As if I was just there and people had to engage out of pity. There’d be times I was laughed at but never to the point of bullying, god I was so lonely
In primary school it was the same story, I had a pretty big friend group, however I didn’t get along with none of them except my bestfriend. But at the same time he got along with EVERYONE. I still remember asking him everyday ‘am I still your bestfriend, do u like someone more than me?’
That’s so crazy to think about. I was scared shitless he would leave me for someone more fun. In the end I pushed him away for meaningless friends
All those memories randomly came back today because I’ve been feeling the exact same like I did back then.
In high school, it was different. I was actually liked for once. I was cool for like the first 3 years until I got in my head again and it all relapsed and I was an outsider again lmao
I always had the feeling people liked me out of pity instead of actually having fun with me. And that’s so devastating to my personality still. I was ALWAYS the side character, my friends cracked jokes and yea I laughed but they never cracked jokes with me or at me ifykwim.
And then I met someone that genuinely gave me a happy feeling and that made me feel deserving of love or whatever. And I abused it, I let it get to my head for the past 5 years and I’ve slowly been chasing that validation again even though I know it won’t ever feel the same.
I have no idea if I’m liked or if people enjoy talking to me. I really really hope they do but at the same time I never believe it. In my mind I think it’ll always feel like I’m just not apart of just people having connections.
Since that person I’ve had ‘connections’ built on straight bs, it was never personal in no way shape or form. And it scares me because what if I actually grow old and I’m still sitting with the feeling that I’m not liked anywhere.
My biggest dream since I was a kid was to be happy with THE ONE as they say and build a nice little family out of love but because I constantly believe people don’t like me every chance I get I destroy this.
I think I’m a good person, I just think I wanna be liked too much that I end up abandoning the people that ACTUALLY like me
I wish I was different, I wish having friends and people around me in general wasn’t so hard. When there’s a party or when I meet up with friends it always feels like I’m going to war and not even joking I have to be wasted to be able to be myself for 100%. I overthink every word I say, whenever I hear someone talking about me or the vibe or whatever I always interpret it as ‘they hate me, they want me gone’
It hurts me so much
I can’t talk about this with anyone and the people I do wanna talk about this with I have pushed away too far to the point they don’t give a shit anymore
I’m just venting to literally nobody atp
‘Yea now click post’
God fucking damnit
Please tell me one day I won’t run away from people and build self-confidence and not just delusional self-confidence that’s built on shit and bricks
