I’m like a disabled person

[registerfasterusing]

Any support or reassurance I can get makes my day, but ultimately I only want hers.
It feels like pity but I deeply desire it. I just want to feel like I’m worthy of living again and that happiness is possible even tho it seems impossible. I want to feel like a child again and I just want these thoughts to go away and to be resolved

 

[registerfasterusing]

The therapist I had a consultation with was so soft spoken and validating of my suffering that it really calmed me. That’s something I miss so much about her but I fear is gone forever now

 

[Aox Ofwar]

Time heals

 

[Amuzant]

Any support or reassurance I can get makes my day, but ultimately I only want hers.
It feels like pity but I deeply desire it. I just want to feel like I’m worthy of living again and that happiness is possible even tho it seems impossible. I want to feel like a child again and I just want these thoughts to go away and to be resolved

Find a passion you love and a dream within that passion. Persue that dream.

 

[registerfasterusing]

Time heals

it seems to for her but not for me

 

[registerfasterusing]

Find a passion you love and a dream within that passion. Persue that dream.

I can’t love or look forward to anything anymore without immense pain

 

[Minnie lacking]

what happened

 

[Amuzant]

I can’t love or look forward to anything anymore without immense pain

Become a physcologist to understand the reason you feel this way. If you really are In pain you would want to find out why so you can resolve it.

 

[registerfasterusing]

Become a physcologist to understand the reason you feel this way. If you really are In pain you would want to find out why so you can resolve it.

I’m 17
I know why I have ocd and I’m experiencing grief

 

[registerfasterusing]

what happened

lot of things
mainly, I was hurt and it triggered my ocd, very badly

 

[Amuzant]

I’m 17
I know why I have ocd and I’m experiencing grief

Interesting. So you know why you feel this way. Have you tried anything to resolve these feelings?

 

[registerfasterusing]

Interesting. So you know why you feel this way. Have you tried anything to resolve these feelings?

I can only resolve them through compulsions

look up ocd

 

[Amuzant]

I can only resolve them through compulsions

look up ocd

I know what ocd is. Can't you try alter these compulsions to something you find passion through. Become addicted to something (not drugs)

 

[registerfasterusing]

I know what ocd is. Can't you try alter these compulsions to something you find passion through. Become addicted to something (not drugs)

the obsessions are inherently negative so that often manifests in the compulsions

Can’t really change the compulsions

 

[Minnie lacking]

lot of things
mainly, I was hurt and it triggered my ocd, very badly

it sounds kinda gay but i lowkey somewhat believe in that manifesting shit, but something they say is to live in the end and even if you dont believe in that shit it probally is better for your brain to just live as if you are happy, idk if that makes sense i guess live as if you are already the state you want to be in which id assume would be being happy i know gratitude is something that people do like journaling and shit like that even if you dont believe in the manifesting thing it is physiologically beneficial in my opinion to almost dissolve the bad emotion you have towards her, its kinda what i understood by the forgiveness thing in the bible, like if you just control your own thoughts and mind no one can really hurt you and as i sorta implemented this thought process everything is almost laughable in a good way, like i used to be incredibly mad when it game to losing in a video game or lag now it doesn't mean anything and when someone pisses me off i can dissolve it pretty fast as i think ive garnered far more emotional control from when i used to be an emotional wreck breaking shit out of hate and anger ( MAYBE ITS COPE MAYBE EVERYTHING IS, I THINK YOU SHOULD ALLOW YOURSELF HAPPINESS )

 

[Amuzant]

the obsessions are inherently negative so that often manifests in the compulsions

Can’t really change the compulsions

Oh I see, I understand. Sorry youre going through that. I was am currently unable to feel too many highs and lows and I personally found passion through body building, that gives me the highs I need in my life. Kinda hoped id be able to help you.

Never rope

 

[Amuzant]

better for your brain to just live as if you are happy,

Thats how I treat my life, and I agree I think op should do the same. No point being a Debby downer in a life that will inevitably end. Be happy whilst you can be. Or try be. Surround yourself with love.

 

[registerfasterusing]

it sounds kinda gay but i lowkey somewhat believe in that manifesting shit, but something they say is to live in the end and even if you dont believe in that shit it probally is better for your brain to just live as if you are happy, idk if that makes sense i guess live as if you are already the state you want to be in which id assume would be being happy i know gratitude is something that people do like journaling and shit like that even if you dont believe in the manifesting thing it is physiologically beneficial in my opinion to almost dissolve the bad emotion you have towards her, its kinda what i understood by the forgiveness thing in the bible, like if you just control your own thoughts and mind no one can really hurt you and as i sorta implemented this thought process everything is almost laughable in a good way, like i used to be incredibly mad when it game to losing in a video game or lag now it doesn't mean anything and when someone pisses me off i can dissolve it pretty fast as i think ive garnered far more emotional control from when i used to be an emotional wreck breaking shit out of hate and anger ( MAYBE ITS COPE MAYBE EVERYTHING IS, I THINK YOU SHOULD ALLOW YOURSELF HAPPINESS )

I wish be happy like that but I just feel like it’s cope and that thought doesn’t escape me cuz it’s obsessive
And I just feel like I can’t live, or at least live normally, if I’m coping

 

[Minnie lacking]

Oh I see, I understand. Sorry youre going through that. I was am currently unable to feel too many highs and lows and I personally found passion through body building, that gives me the highs I need in my life. Kinda hoped id be able to help you.

Never rope

W Passion maxxing, im on my spiritual theist arc right now shit is fun as hell

 

[registerfasterusing]

Oh I see, I understand. Sorry youre going through that. I was am currently unable to feel too many highs and lows and I personally found passion through body building, that gives me the highs I need in my life. Kinda hoped id be able to help you.

Never rope

Thanks bro, good luck

 

[Amuzant]

I wish be happy like that but I just feel like it’s cope

I have a problem where my immediate reaction to any situation good or bad is to feel the opposite to remain in a state of apathy. Its a mental condition similar to high functioning depression. No idea what entirely it is but being happy is never cope.

 

[Minnie lacking]

I wish be happy like that but I just feel like it’s cope and that thought doesn’t escape me cuz it’s obsessive
And I just feel like I can’t live, or at least live normally, if I’m coping

even if iy is cope isn't killing yourself cope isn't everything cope like i said the only thing that isn't cope is being aware of everything and you can be aware of anything you want happy sad gay fat straight a shark a retard

 

[Amuzant]

W Passion maxxing, im on my spiritual theist arc right now shit is fun as hell

REAL yes exactly. Good luck and have fun bhai.

 

[registerfasterusing]

I have a problem where my immediate reaction to any situation good or bad is to feel the opposite to remain in a state of apathy. It’s a mental condition similar to high functioning depression. No idea what entirely it is but being happy is never cope.

I see, idk that’s just how I feel
I’m doing an assessment tomorrow where they’ll likely confirm my ocd diagnosis and see if I have any other disorders or conditions

 

[JporkFoid]

Any support or reassurance I can get makes my day, but ultimately I only want hers.
It feels like pity but I deeply desire it. I just want to feel like I’m worthy of living again and that happiness is possible even tho it seems impossible. I want to feel like a child again and I just want these thoughts to go away and to be resolved

what condition do you have?

 

[registerfasterusing]

even if iy is cope isn't killing yourself cope isn't everything cope like i said the only thing that isn't cope is being aware of everything and you can be aware of anything you want happy sad gay fat straight a shark a retard

Yeah I guess I just don’t feel like I can so easily delude myself into being happy when my feelings say otherwise

 

[registerfasterusing]

what condition do you have?

Ocd

 

[JporkFoid]

Ocd

not to bad, you fit in
your not a outcast and at least your limbs work

 

[Minnie lacking]

Yeah I guess I just don’t feel like I can so easily delude myself into being happy when my feelings say otherwise

but see that's the thing you are aware of that feeling correct, you are aware of your thoughts, those are creations of your brain to navigate this immersive reality, you can let them define you or you can define them yourself

 

[registerfasterusing]

not to bad, you fit in
your not a outcast and at least your limbs work

Yeah, not a physical disability thankfully I guess

 

[JporkFoid]

Yeah, not a physical disability thankfully I guess

atleast ur not subhuman

 

[registerfasterusing]

but see that's the thing you are aware of that feeling correct, you are aware of your thoughts, those are creations of your brain to navigate this immersive reality, you can let them define you or you can define them yourself

Unfortunately I don’t feel like I can define them myself
Idk how to explain it but to sum it up, everything feels out of my control

 

[Minnie lacking]

Unfortunately I don’t feel like I can define them myself
Idk how to explain it but to sum it up, everything feels out of my control

yeah to me its as easy as that because of my experiences so sorry if im sounding kind of retarded, but anyway to me you aren't your thoughts for me its so simple to slip into happy sad and those emotions cause i can somewhat control them better now, i guess that comes from accidental and deliberate exposure to certain things over my life, my philosophy or what you call it is that we are the observers and we can unknowingly at most times create these incredibly powerful feelings where we feel like we are swallowed up and eaten by them but what i want you to try and do is focus on that emotion you have and evaluate all the reasons you allow it the seed of life or the ability to sprout or grow in your brain its simply because the belief that it is bigger than you, Nothing is truly bigger than your awareness as you are aware of everything there is no layer under that there just is that now observe this feeling or thought and tell yourself why you are feeling that way and it all comes down to you thinking your thoughts rule you but they dont they are just like a VR headset dont get lost in the immersion of this reality as that to me is the "devil" or whatever youd call it, you can doubt everything in reality but your ability to doubt doubt that is the only fundamental truth In my opinion, if that sounds autistic i know lol

 

[registerfasterusing]

yeah to me its as easy as that because of my experiences so sorry if im sounding kind of retarded, but anyway to me you aren't your thoughts for me its so simple to slip into happy sad and those emotions cause i can somewhat control them better now, i guess that comes from accidental and deliberate exposure to certain things over my life, my philosophy or what you call it is that we are the observers and we can unknowingly at most times create these incredibly powerful feelings where we feel like we are swallowed up and eaten by them but what i want you to try and do is focus on that emotion you have and evaluate all the reasons you allow it the seed of life or the ability to sprout or grow in your brain its simply because the belief that it is bigger than you, Nothing is truly bigger than your awareness as you are aware of everything there is no layer under that there just is that now observe this feeling or thought and tell yourself why you are feeling that way and it all comes down to you thinking your thoughts rule you but they dont they are just like a VR headset dont get lost in the immersion of this reality as that to me is the "devil" or whatever youd call it, you can doubt everything in reality but your ability to doubt doubt that is the only fundamental truth In my opinion, if that sounds autistic i know lol

I think I understand it, it’s just something I find incredibly difficult to do
I believe this is something that the therapist will help me with over time

 

[Minnie lacking]

I think I understand it, it’s just something I find incredibly difficult to do
I believe this is something that the therapist will help me with over time

yeah it does sound kind of theistic and preachy but i guess that's because I'm so into that kind of stuff it interests me so much, i think the best thing or easiest thing to do would try not to think about the bad and try to think of all the good or the things in life you might take for granted now, that can help with your over all happiness as well and is a easier step by step, even if its as simple as water or air or anything you can be happy for be happy for it, then it almost feels like there is so many things to be happy about, you can obviously slip into the nihilistic opposition but to me they are the same, you either choice one of the emotions and id choose the one that you genuinely want to be in not the one that is the most comfortable now as you may sit and "rot" in this conformity to the "bad" one

 

[registerfasterusing]

yeah it does sound kind of theistic and preachy but i guess that's because I'm so into that kind of stuff it interests me so much, i think the best thing or easiest thing to do would try not to think about the bad and try to think of all the good or the things in life you might take for granted now, that can help with your over all happiness as well and is a easier step by step, even if its as simple as water or air or anything you can be happy for be happy for it, then it almost feels like there is so many things to be happy about, you can obviously slip into the nihilistic opposition but to me they are the same, you either choice one of the emotions and id choose the one that you genuinely want to be in not the one that is the most comfortable now as you may sit and "rot" in this conformity to the "bad" one

Yeah I understand I just don’t feel like I can choose
The nihilistic opposition takes over and I just can’t control it when it does

 

[Minnie lacking]

Yeah I understand I just don’t feel like I can choose
The nihilistic opposition takes over and I just can’t control it when it does

see that's the problem no one but yourself can control that unfortunately, its kind of a curse of the freedom of thought we have, you can think of so much good or you can think of so much bad and because your brain is in that thought it is attracting more and more to you, its like the rich get richer but in a emotional state, i wish i could help you more but truly the only person who can actively do something is yourself i am just text on a forum at this point as much as i wish i could i also feel part of me would be imposing on your freedom of thought

 

[registerfasterusing]

see that's the problem no one but yourself can control that unfortunately, its kind of a curse of the freedom of thought we have, you can think of so much good or you can think of so much bad and because your brain is in that thought it is attracting more and more to you, its like the rich get richer but in a emotional state, i wish i could help you more but truly the only person who can actively do something is yourself i am just text on a forum at this point as much as i wish i could i also feel part of me would be imposing on your freedom of thought

I really appreciate it I mean again any act of kindness or support is very helpful to me at this moment but at the same time I don’t feel as if I’m worthy of anything more than pity

 

[Minnie lacking]

I really appreciate it I mean again any act of kindness or support is very helpful to me at this moment but at the same time I don’t feel as if I’m worthy of anything more than pity

yeah dont let anyone else define you, whoever that be someone positive or negative theres a lot of weirdos and haters on the internet and especially here

 

[registerfasterusing]

yeah dont let anyone else define you, whoever that be someone positive or negative theres a lot of weirdos and haters on the internet and especially here

Well unfortunately I think I have let someone else define my worth, and now I fear they’re gone forever, and my worth along with them

 

[Minnie lacking]

Well unfortunately I think I have let someone else define my worth, and now I fear they’re gone forever, and my worth along with them

that's all decided in the now, you are worth what you believe you are worth wasting your energy or thoughts on paradoxical inclusions are a waste of energy, you know that this person you can give them a made up name here are causing you a great deal of issues so how do you yourself think you could get through this as your thoughts are what matter the most right now

 

[registerfasterusing]

that's all decided in the now, you are worth what you believe you are worth wasting your energy or thoughts on paradoxical inclusions are a waste of energy, you know that this person you can give them a made up name here are causing you a great deal of issues so how do you yourself think you could get through this as your thoughts are what matter the most right now

Well I feel like the only way is by resolving our relationship

 

[Minnie lacking]

Well I feel like the only way is by resolving our relationship

and what happened to destroy it, because it seems like your thoughts are almost like a bag of toys you gave away to her and now you are missing those toys

 

[registerfasterusing]

and what happened to destroy it, because it seems like your thoughts are almost like a bag of toys you gave away to her and now you are missing those toys

I did something that hurt her very badly and she retaliated and hurt me back

The toys analogy hurts a lot

 

[Minnie lacking]

I did something that hurt her very badly and she retaliated and hurt me back

The toys analogy hurts a lot

i have my way with words,

but would you say you 2 were like bestfriends before the break up

 

[registerfasterusing]

i have my way with words,

but would you say you 2 were like bestfriends before the break up

Yes definitely, we talked basically all day

Also I really appreciate you talking to me, sorry if I seem defensive about any of this or anything

 

[Minnie lacking]

Yes definitely, we talked basically all day

Also I really appreciate you talking to me, sorry if I seem defensive about any of this or anything

nah you dont seem defensive at all and even if you were id still talk to you i want the best for everyone here even the hyper weirdos who are assholes i know for them it comes from some form of self hatred so they inflicted it on others to cope with it

that seems like a cool relationship, i dont know what you did or what she did back to you but it sounds bad so i wont poke at that or try and get you to confess on .org

but i can imagine it was ugly, would you say objectively speaking what you did to her was worse or was it about "even" in terms of how some random person looking in would view it as

 

[registerfasterusing]

nah you dont seem defensive at all and even if you were id still talk to you i want the best for everyone here even the hyper weirdos who are assholes i know for them it comes from some form of self hatred so they inflicted it on others to cope with it

that seems like a cool relationship, i dont know what you did or what she did back to you but it sounds bad so i wont poke at that or try and get you to confess on .org

but i can imagine it was ugly, would you say objectively speaking what you did to her was worse or was it about "even" in terms of how some random person looking in would view it as

Do you mind if I pm you? I’d actually like to practice talking about it if you’re open, since I’ll have to do it with my therapist soon

 

[Minnie lacking]

sure if you trust me enough that's okay