I’m sped

[Happycel69]

Hi so I’m just here to rant out my feelings and thoughts that I have held to myself for so long and I’m at a breaking point. It’s gonna sound fucking stupid at what I’m complaining or discussing about to many but ya I need to express my miserable self one way or another and I’ve ended up on this rot forum. Basically, I’m a fucking bum and loner despite having everything going for me . For context, I’m wasian half German half singaporean Chinese and I live in Singapore 16 yo in a really good school. My grades are top notch like genuinely almost perfect since I put in effort , I’ve been gyming for 2.5 years and have a decent physique for my age especially ( I have wide hips tho and other failos which I will elaborate on later). My height is not globally good but for this country in SEA as 182cm, I’m fucking chilling realistically and I even get complimented for being so called tall . As a wasian , my face is good enough to slay in this country especially since of the wasian halo that girls and guys alike here dickride which I don’t get that much but works in my favour. Yes I have some recessions ( maxilla lol) but for context this forum has rated me from HLTN to LHTN . So I realistically know I’m chilling even globally not even that bad but in this country it’s easy moggings and I literally get compliments all the fucking time . Random adults have come up to me and literally started staring at me and complimenting my eyes ( best feature for me ). Girls have asked me out lots I’d say they have asked for my insta about 10 ish times this year , I get stares very often when I go to places young people hang out at. I’ve even been asked by a shop where they only hire so called attractive people to work at and they asked me and it’s quite a big deal this shop super popular especially for the girls in Singapore. In school I literally just learnt that like 4 girls , 3 of them are pretty and popular have an eye candy on me . Guys in my school and outside have always said I’m handsome quite often . My mom my dad my relatives say it all the time too. But , I fucking can’t . I don’t believe any of this . I grew up fat and short and only recently improved my looks drastically over the last 2 years. This is what I’ve been through: bullying for having wide hips and being obese by older guys when I was so young, girls asking me out as a joke , Omegle people laughing like shit at me , and people have always referred me as ugly and fat . At some point I locked in but my mental is so bad. It happened when I was young from the start all this bullying like from 6 till 14. My whole life , I’ve been referred to as the fat and ugly kid but now people almost treat me like a king if I’m being honest. I can’t process it mentally and I even know what’s wrong with me as the sad part, but I can’t socialise well. When u walk past people , even actual sub humans I’m so nervous that they’ll judge me and stuff. I don’t want to hurt anyone ever and just wanna chill, my crush literally likes me and I found that out but I’m too scared still. I know this is fucking retarded but seriously I’m so fucked I the mind . Yes I’m locked in and I can fake confidence easily but I really hate it deep down . I walk like 30k steps a day now at night with my music alone to cope with my life and I’m just so insecure . I wish I could explain everything but I’m getting tired writing this so I’m gonna stop here. Therapy didn’t work and knowing everything is literally going my way also is useless , oh ya I forgot to mention I’m fucking rich kind of like top 5 percent in Singapore which is easily top 99 globally. The label of the fat ugly kid is still in me and I don’t know if I can keep going. I’ve hopped on Erda and test even though I know I don’t have to compromise my health as I can already slay and get social recognition . But yeah , I’m doing it for me now and to cope , I still believe I’m ugly and chopped and what not . There’s no real solution except roping but I won’t for now at least . I can only distract myself with temp stuff like food hanging with friends and maybe going out with girls but when I had a gf which was an attempt to get happier it didn’t work and I left willingly . GGs I guess
No one deserves a shit mental and I feel bad wasting my already decided genetic and unchangable factors .
Hopefully no one feels like me ever because it’s bad , real bad , the rope is inevitable at some point but yeah can we agree to never bully at least? I haven’t even touched the basis of my bullying that much but it fucked me bad . Billions must love man .
Peace

 

[Vincent Freeman]

everything going for you
wasian

pick one

 

[IneedToslaylol]

Yo I kinda get you , was in a similar situation probably less privileged than you but I can say that the mental jump is quite hard . But you need to just do it , get someone to force you to socialise like your dad