I'm traumatized by my experiences as a hapa

[Orc]

 

[Orc]

I grew up raceless in a multiethnic but predominantly Asian environment. Nobody ever brought up my race.

Here are some things I've gone through

1. My first year of college this hapa girl came up to me and said "you're mixed right?" I said yes, how did you know. She said "I'm from San Francisco, there are a lot of them there, your mom is the Asian one right?" I felt this overwhelming wave of sadness and extreme discomfort hearing this.
2. When I first spent a couple years abroad in China I was good friends with a Chinese American girl with a white boyfriend. She said to me "Now that you're going to China, you can finally get laid." I went to China for work.
3. A hapa friend of mine would consistently mention that I looked "way more Asian than him" as an insult. he did this incessantly whenever his gf was around.
4. Most if not all my friends made comments about there being "too many Asians" around while also only hooking up with Asian girls because they were all they could get. They would constantly make jokes like "Amelican penis soooo bigg," then in the next breath tell me I look very Asian and blend in with Asian students.
5. I once had an Asian girl yell at me in front of like 50 people saying that "I got no pussy." I never had anything like this happen to me in my life from any other race of women. No other race of women seems to go out of their way to make me feel terrible about myself and I'm exhausted pretending this isn't an issue. The overwhelming majority of racism I've gotten for looking Asian, has been from AF and a subset of losers who were be default "Asian girls only"
6. People only mention my race when they're trying to emotionally cripple me. I've heard everything from "you look full Asian," to "you don't look Chinese at all," "you shouldn't wear glasses, you look too Asian." Every single time, it's meant to discredit me, emasculate me, or make me feel bad about myself.
7. Generally every single person who I meet brings up my heritage as a joke. I've been so emasculated at this point that I've sabotaged dozens of relationships with very beautiful women. I sabotaged one so bad, that she actually drugged me and then raped me, just cause she wanted to cheat on her bf. I asked her why she did it and she said that she couldn't take my rejection and I said it's cause I didn't think she would want someone like me (Asian), but that was no excuse for drugging me.

I'm tired of pretending these issues aren't real. Not once in my life did I ever think it was a good idea to brag about being mixed or to claim things that I'm not (I don't think I'm hot, for example). And I'm tired of being gaslit.

 

[Deleted member 19944]

Did you have a subhuman or military dad

 

[Acromegaly_Chad]

Brutal. That's why you don't even have to be a racist to be against rice mixing. It's just basic reasoning and morale that condems it in every way possible, as proven by that post.

 

[Orc]

Did you have a subhuman or military dad

I'm actually mix austronesian (albeit, barely), my dad has fairly dark skin still, I completely lost that trait but retain some other features, although you can't really pinpoint it.