I'm very sick

[vurgiloboss]

This shit is so ass, I'm sneezing every few minutes, my entire nose bad mouth feels weird, I have very low energy and can't even drink cause my throat feels weird

 

[vurgiloboss]

Bump

 

[Enytraina]

Brutal

 

[McSkziofren]

Brutal

 

[BigJimsWornOutTires]

This shit is so ass, I'm sneezing every few minutes, my entire nose bad mouth feels weird, I have very low energy and can't even drink cause my throat feels weird

what did you think would happen by letting idiots inject you with the flu?

 

[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

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[Gs.]

This shit is so ass, I'm sneezing every few minutes, my entire nose bad mouth feels weird, I have very low energy and can't even drink cause my throat feels weird

Its either your body heals by itself
Or
Death

How Darwin intended

 

[vurgiloboss]

Bump

 

[vurgiloboss]

Its either your body heals by itself
Or
Death

How Darwin intended

Yea that's usually what happens

 

[vurgiloboss]

Its either your body heals by itself
Or
Death

How Darwin intended

Who is darwin

 

[vurgiloboss]

Its either your body heals by itself
Or
Death

How Darwin intended

My body doesn't heal itself I do it

 

[vurgiloboss]

Its either your body heals by itself
Or
Death

How Darwin intended

How would it heal by itself

 

[vurgiloboss]

Bump

 

[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

My parents constantly tell me its body dismorphia or its in my head or some absolute bullshit about not being ugly. I am clearly recessed with a recessed maxilla and lower jaw that causes overbite, no cheekbones, sunken eyes with no under eye support, a narrow palate and a weird nose with a nose hump yet my parents still deny it. I have literally had so many bad experiences because of my looks and the more i think about it the more it explains my entire life experiences and the way ive been treated for years. Ive gotten shredded and my face still looked fat because of my lack of bone structure and yet they still deny it. I am hopefully in the process of getting sarpe and then bimax later but ive been told its not fully necessary even though i have a deviated septum and some airway obstruction. Hopefully insurance will cover it and i can get it but im not sure. Im just so fucking sick of my parents saying this shit.

 

[vurgiloboss]

My name is Yoshikage Kira. I'm 33 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Morioh, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to

 

[Gs.]

Who is darwin

How would it heal by itself

Jfl at this

just take some meds bro, visit a doctor if needed

 

[vurgiloboss]

i think i've spent my entire life watching other people connect from behind a wall i can't name, i see them laugh, click, fold into each other's lives like it's the most natural thing in the world, and i stand outside it, always outside it

i'm autistic, i'm not cute autistic, i'm not quirky or endearing, i'm the kind that makes people uncomfortable without knowing why, the kind that gets left on read, the kind that makes rooms go silent just by existing in them wrong, there's something about me that people instinctively avoid, i've never been able to name it, i just know it's there

every attempt i've made to get close to someone has ended the same way, with them pulling away, sometimes slowly, sometimes all at once, i've learned to expect it, it's not even surprising anymore, just a dull ache that keeps getting heavier each time, like carrying a bag full of things you can't throw away

even online, where everyone says it's easier, i don't belong, i can fake it for a while, craft posts, mimic tone, try to be digestible, but there's always a point where the mask slips, and they see it, the intensity, the flatness, the realism that sounds like negativity, the way i talk about loneliness like it's weather, something permanent, and people don't want to hear it, not really, even in places that claim to be inclusive, you still have to fit in

i don't, i never have, i've been alone for so long it doesn't even feel like a state anymore, it feels like part of me, like it's stitched into the way i speak, the way i look at people, the way i brace for distance even before it happens

i don't know what it feels like to be truly understood, i don't know what it's like to have someone want me around without trying to fix or manage or tolerate me, i've only ever been the burden, the awkward pause, the quiet background character people are relieved to forget

and it's not just that i don't have friends, it's that i don't know how to be someone people can love

i've studied how others do it, i've watched them weave inside jokes, light touches, shared silence that feels warm instead of strained, i've tried to imitate the rhythm of it, but it always falls flat, it always feels like i'm reciting lines from a play i never got to rehearse

they say connection is about being authentic, but my authenticity pushes people away, it's too much, too sharp, too sad, too something i can't turn off

so i dilute it, trim the edges, try to make myself smaller, less inconvenient, more likable, but it doesn't work, it just feels like lying, and even then, they still leave

sometimes i wonder if there's a version of me that could have been loved, if things were different, if i had a softer brain, a more readable face, a voice that didn't make people shift uncomfortably when i speak about how quiet everything feels inside

but that version doesn't exist, only this one does, and i've spent so long being this that i can't imagine being anything else

i don't want to be fixed, i just want to not feel like a mistake every time i'm around others, i want to be seen and not flinched away from, i want the silence around me to mean peace instead of absence

but most of all, i just want to not be so alone all the time.

 

[vurgiloboss]

View attachment 3755463

Jfl at this

just take some meds bro, visit a doctor if needed

I don't have an active doctor in Afghan

 

[vurgiloboss]

Bump

 

[vurgiloboss]

Its so over I'm 5.7 and my dad is 6.0 I don't even think I'll reach 6.0 I'm 16 years old and I'm in the growth stage but my sleep is really bad apart from my bad habits like smoking marijuana, nic and drinking alcohol but this world is shit and super boring and monotonous that I can't imagine living without altering my consciousness, only when I'm high or drunk I forget about life and my insecurities at least for a few hours. Besides, this world is completely meaningless unless you give it meaning, but the more sense I look for in my life, it only gets worse because I come to the conclusion that nothing matters in the end, but that affects me more because in the end I neglect my habits even more and then I'm sure I'll regret it. It's like a loop, apart from the fact that I've tried everything, like playing a lot of sports, going to the gym, I have a social life, but I always have that emptiness in my chest that reminds me that human life has no meaning whatsoever and we are just ants. We don't even know what happens after death or even where we come from because of our limited intellectual capacity that only seeks instant dopamine or only seeks to distract ourselves from this reality. I was also thinking that love never existed and that it is only an illusion of our brain as an instinct for survival (which is kind of obvious), but if you delve into the subject you come to a rather nihilistic conclusion since social relationships are just an illusion and do not really exist.

 

[vurgiloboss]

I have been inp many, many times
even now, I'm in a medical ward, I got phone access rn

i have gone through this cycle over and over, hospital, tube, go home, relapse, over and over again

it's been a few days here and I'm in a pain that i have never experienced, it was never this bad, my limbs and muscles hurt so much, I can barely move, my eyesight is shit, and I'm always cold, so damn cold

it's 25° or 77° for the burger people

everyday, I see people here I already saw before druggies, ana, sh

i don't even want to speak when they give you the 1:1 treatment, legit suifuel

the only thing I want rn is to be on every drug possible because i legit will start tweaking soon, my stomach hurts horribly, and my back as well, same with every other rfuckass muscle

 

[vurgiloboss]

If Ive been filled with hatred for years what can I do?

I’ve done immense amounts of mental health work like journaling, meditating, gratitude 3 months in a row with no WiFi throughout a summer, and yet I still hold insane hatred for myself and the people in my life. I have no escape to these people who hold hatred towards me (brother and parents). They’ve abused me physically and mentally my whole life treating me like the failure of the house and family.

It’s like they prize my older brother for being the taller and obviously more attractive brother even though he ruins my life daily (breaking my belonging, making fake stories for my parents to hate me, and mentally belittling me as much as he can). Even my parents sometimes tell him to stop yet they could care less. I’ve really tried to ignore this all and never fight back but it’s gotten to me multiple times where I destroy things and lash out. I know I can’t do a thing because i still live with them. It’s been impossibly to focus with this nagging hatred and pain. They deserve hell yet I can’t do a thing about it. I know that becoming successful won’t be enough to fill this void and I’d much rather just harm them. I’m filled with health problems that they could give two shits about too. (Hypothyroid, vericocele vein, low test, sleep apnea/deviated septum or breathing problems and basically 0 energy and life in me)

i've been so close to fixing this yet so close to giving into hatred and ruining my life even more. It seems so easy just to give in and commit to knifing them all.
I just want to remove this self hatred and hatred towards everything in my life. I feel as if the only way to fix this emotion is action towards them. They deserve it.

the only cope i tell myself is "ill get successful and ignore them or ruin their lives by suing them"

I know so many of you all faced these horrible issues due to your looks or inferiority which just cause a boomerang of horrible mental health and life problems.

what can i do in an entrepreneurial spirit?

 

[vurgiloboss]

VERY LONG POST AHEAD WITH PHOTOS AND ONLY THE MOST IMPORTANT SHIT AT THE BOTTOM FOR LAZY PPL ALSO PLS ASK ANYTHING U WANT OR TELL ME ADVICE/WHAT OTHER PROCEDURES I NEED TY LOVE <3

hello looksmaxin community, its been 2 years or sumn like dat since my first post, talking about wanting bimax and it happened finally so here i am to write a stim fueled
essay and showing some before and after. the pictures are badly taken, lens distortion fucking everything and the after pic is like 2 weeks post op so im still swollen like a mofo. my surgery was on the 9th last month u feel. my surgeon was doc. dr. sc. Emil Dediol at Klinička bolnica Dubrava. My orthodontist i wont say but pm if u are croatian and need advice. SURGERY WAS FREE TY GOVEMENT WE HAVE HIGHEST TAXES IN EU AND 90% OF THE MONEY IS EMBEZZLED BY POLITITIANS BUT I GOT SURGERY SO ITS OK.

as for recovery i woke up around 2pm from
anesthesia after surg, felt like sleeping but shit was lowkey hurting so i told my moms to ask the nurse to give me painkillers nd shi and i slept most of the day, in 20 min increments with ice packs on my face. found my phone at 10pm and watched some shithouse premier league game. on first night all night im spitting every time i wake up every 10 mins blood. Morning after i get woken up and painkillerless they take me to some room wit like a vaccum cleaner that they used to get all the dried up blood out my nose and mouth and put on elastics which hurt like hell cuz the fucker missed a few times and stabbed my mouth with the pliers. After that whole day i had energy everything felt normal no pain only had to spit blood here and there, could drink Čokolino and i walked 6 flights of stairs to get some multivitamin juice. The second night was torture also because only then did i really start expanding like a baloon and i fell asleep with one ice pack still packapunched to my left cheek and when i woke up i felt like i had the worst fever and i couldnt sleep the mf next to me was snoring and shit. OTHER THEN THOSE TWO DAYS, EVERYTHING WAS FINE EXCEPT I HAVE A PHOBIA OF THINGS IN MY VEIN AND WHEN MY LEFT ARM GOT FULLY USED UP LIKE HEROIN ADDICT THEY SWAPPED THE SHIT AND THE FUCKER MISSED THE VEIN LIKE 4 TIMES EVEN THO ITS THE RIGHT HAND THAT I BEAT MY DICK WITH THAT HAS A HUGE FUCKING VEIN ALL THE WAY DOWN. i dont mind needles, i used to take cjc with dac and shit, just veins blehh. MY surgery was on wednesday, they offered to let me go home on friday but i opted to stay until monday next week since i was still weak and they gave me benzos for free at night, had a tv too in my room, netflix was nice for a bit but modern tv shows suck dick, also on saturday i noticed the third unoccupied bed was getting prepared for a new patient too turn around and see my mate that ive known for 10 years ina wheelchair so that was cool too, he wasnt recessed or sumn he got suckerpunched outfront some nightclub when he turned his back and it broke his lower jaw in half.

ANYWAY

the first day home felt like heaven, simply shooting a few bots in aim_botz on 600hz after staring at 60hz tv gave me euphoria. I spent the first week mostly either abusing (RC) stimulants and ritalin or benzos and some fuckin benzofurans and shit idk some RC dutch bullshit. 10 days post op i went out to the club wit some of my friends and took like 650mg 3-fa so i was havin the time of my life and i stayed up till the next day where i had to go get new rubber bands put in, took some 2-mmc before i went that shit is so weak holy. had a complete crash the day after, said friends thought i was going to rope since i've been dealing with anhedonia for years now and i didn't want drugs to be the only way i feel happiness or love or friendship. but then i started working out again at home, taking supplements that arent cope, deleted all permascroll media, only played cs when i was focused and spent most time practicing instead of spamming faceit, took a break from the drugs, nicotine i have only had from second hand smoke and a when someone lit a spliff id take one hit tru my nose out of principle. ALSO FOOD, i eat the same slop everyday which also helps the dopamine shit but food is easy, i do giga protein shake in the morning and my mom makes giga soup in the evening and i pray there is enough fibre so that i can shit, but not too much because ive been hitting ghost wipes like crazy and its sick. Now with this clean lifestyle for the past week i have felt more energized, social, emotionaly available, empathetic then i have in the past year. except today as i am writing this post at 8am and havent slept was grinding faceit and testing how different stimulants effect my reaxtion time aka retard ghetto science all thst to be hardstuck 2.6k elo. anyway surgery changed my life for free, but i had to pay for the braces and titanium plates.

TLDR.
Croatia, Zagreb, KBC Dubrava, doc. dr. sc. Emil Dediol did surgery, after picture is 2 weeks post op. I never saw any soft tissue models and my bsso advancment was i think 8mm only? i really had no information about what would get done to me. im more then happy tho since i got genio for free which technically shouldnt be covered by insurance since its not really functional. Initial recovery was hard but not much worse then being really really ill for a few days. Food is still liquid but i manage, essentials in the hospital was sea salt nose spray, to unclog the blooddriedmucusshit and a bunch of kitchen rolls for after washing ur hands and for the blood that will exit your nose and mouth for a few days. If anyone has any questions feel free to write here or pm and also if anyone has any things in need to know please write. im being told now to jut my lower jaw forward to get muscle used to new position but i think i will get bite adjusted at some point in the future and will wear braces for quite another while

 

[vurgiloboss]

I think you try too hard. You don't like yourself. Stop valuing others' opinions over your own.

How to make people like you:
- Proximity
- Act like you're interested and make them feel special.
- Ask people questions and let them talk.

How to gain connections:
- Have similar interests.
- Hate the same people
- Have the same addictions (jk don't do this but it works)

Why do you think all the art kids were friends in school and all the vapers were friends. They relate because they share an addiction. Art kids get bullied for being weird. So, they all hate the same people, the people who bully them for being weird.

Make friends with other autists

 

[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

Night and shining armour

 

[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

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[vurgiloboss]

@Sub5 & Celibate

 

[vurgiloboss]

@GokuSSJ3