I'm writing a song,can you give advices?

[Deleted member 6856]

I don't have a lover, I don't have a question
'm so lonely
I don't have a hard day if you're looking for trouble
I'm so troubled.

I'm ruined by this beautiful weather,
I gave up in the air like this
From my desire to live
I'm used to cigarette in such a weather,
I fell in love in the air like this;


If Love is freedom
We're both free
She a nestless sparrow
And I'm a canary in a cage

Call and love
Whereas Love was missing
Find and find and lose
Like a dream toy

Lies all lies
Lies all lies
There was such a thing as love
There was no such a thing as love

My music teacher said me to change last verse starts with lies,can you give any advices



This is the beat i'll use for this song

 

[Deleted member 2968]

 

[Deleted member 7866]

 

[Deleted member 6856]

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Disgusting

 

[Deleted member 2968]

 

[Deleted member 8699]

always make sure your verse rhythm matches the actual tempo of the song
also learn the way singers breathe and control their hyoid. there are good vids on yt about this

 

[goat2x]

@thecel

 

[Deleted member 6856]

@thecel

Hopefully,i won't share a video singing it

 

[her]

You should collab with @thecel. He's an amazing artist and I'm sure he could teach you a lot about music.

 

[Deleted member 6856]

You should collab with @thecel. He's an amazing artist and I'm sure he could teach you a lot about music.

Did you like my song

 

[her]

Did you like my song

For sure. Beautiful lyrics.