J
johnny4612
Bronze
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2023
- Posts
- 485
- Reputation
- 252
The internet constantly tells us to improve ourselves, focus on personal growth, and pursue our passions. That's good advice.
By investing in yourself, you eventually rediscover who you are. You gain clarity about your values, your goals, and maybe you're lucky enough to understand the kind of life you want to build.
The problem is that this advice is often presented as if it were the complete answer. You become healthier. You build skills. You make friends. You meet many people. Yet at some point, many people still ask themselves "why do I still feel alone?"
The common response is go to theraphy... often to look even deeper within yourself. More self-reflection. More personal work. Those things can certainly help. But I believe there is another piece of the puzzle that modern culture often overlooks.
It is something that people here in Italy have taught me every day. You could find it in Spain or in many other cultures with strong family traditions.
I've seen people make choices that would seem irrational from a purely individualistic perspective. They remain close to their families. They choose local careers over more prestigious opportunities elsewhere. They have children relatively young. They rely on family support and, later in life, provide that same support to the next generation.
Over time, wealth, knowledge, and responsibility pass from parents to children and then to grandchildren. In these families, the most important investment was never an individual career. It was the family itself.
Of course, not every family works this way. But among the healthiest and most stable families I've known, this pattern appears again and again. Modern culture often promotes independence as the highest virtue.
At the same time, we're told that being "too nice" is a weakness. That good people get exploited while aggressive people get ahead. There is some truth to the idea that kindness can be mistaken for weakness. But I've noticed something else.
The genuinely good person often wins in the long run, not because life is fair, but because trust compounds. So a person who consistently helps others, keeps commitments, and contributes to their community gradually builds a stronger network. Some relationships will disappear. Some people will take advantage of them. But over time, unhealthy relationships are pruned away and healthier ones grow in their place.
This leads to a broader observation.
The secret to lasting relationships it's shared commitments.
Strong relationships are built around structures that give people common goals and common responsibilities.
Think of a father whose son loves football.
The father becomes involved as a coach.
At first, it might seem like a simple hobby.
Eventually his wife yell at him because He is doing something out of his "age".
But eventually the son plays.
The mother becomes involved too.
Weekends become organized around games and training.
A shared project emerges.
The family now has something larger than any one individual.
Are we underestimating how powerful this is???
As men and women, we should absolutely invest in self-improvement.
But if our goal is to build asomething, we should also be building the infrastructure that allows people to grow together. (like in the family)
None of this means life becomes easy. Many of the strongest relationships I've encountered have gone through difficult periods.
Just because there can be crushes, difficulties, etc, you've to find someone who could actually be able to speak thruth for each of this obstacle and try to do it togheter.
The difference is that the people involved remained committed to something larger than themselves.
People often talk about life as a series of stages. Some choose to focus on family early and career later. Others prioritize career first and family later. Neither approach is inherently right or wrong, but the point is that every life follows some roadmap, whether consciously chosen or not.
What seems to be disappearing today is the idea that building or maintaining a family is itself a long-term investment.
Instead, we are encouraged to become the best possible version of ourselves as individuals.
How many couples separate after a major career change?
How many relationships struggle after one partner moves away?
The issue isn't a lack of love. It's the disappearance of a common project.
...
The school system provides an interesting example.
Imagine 100 students divided into five classes of 20 students each.
Class A knows students from Classes B, C, D, and E.
Yet the strongest friendships and relationships usually form within Class A.
Why?
Because they share the same daily experiences, challenges, and objectives.
They are participating in the same project.
Years later, when school ends, many of those relationships fade.
The shared structure disappears.
The same thing can happen in marriages, friendships, and communities when people stop working toward common goals...
This raises an interesting question for us
Can a highly independent person truly build long term shared goals with others if their default response to conflict is to leave, because He/She cannot be disrespected and must have boundaries?
This is why I understand people who say they did everything "for their family."
From the outside, it can seem irrational. But from within a long-term project that spans generations, the logic becomes much clearer, and sometimes, those people are unaware of what is really happening.
There is one final observation that shaped those words..
My grandfather and grandmother spent their entire lives together. He trusted her with his emotions, his finances, and his future. For decades, their lives were built around a shared path.
When my grandmother died in her nineties, my grandfather changed completely.
He lost the person with whom he had built his life's project.
Within two years, he was gone too.
But He was gone just after She passed away.
Whether we call it purpose, meaning, attachment, or simply love, the effect was undeniable. This is why I don't think the loss of direction that many people experience is mysterious.
Human beings need something larger than themselves to participate in.
A project. A mission. A family. A community. A shared future.
Self-improvement is only half of the equation.
I'm still convinced living by youself is actually solid advice.
You need to have a place to live in your own, but we actually romanticized that a lot, and people are doing their best but they're still alone.
It would be nice to hear different perspectives, especially from older people or those from different family backgrounds.
For example, how has your family influenced your view of relationships, commitment, and long-term goals? And how much do you think shared projects matter in keeping people together?
By investing in yourself, you eventually rediscover who you are. You gain clarity about your values, your goals, and maybe you're lucky enough to understand the kind of life you want to build.
The problem is that this advice is often presented as if it were the complete answer. You become healthier. You build skills. You make friends. You meet many people. Yet at some point, many people still ask themselves "why do I still feel alone?"
The common response is go to theraphy... often to look even deeper within yourself. More self-reflection. More personal work. Those things can certainly help. But I believe there is another piece of the puzzle that modern culture often overlooks.
It is something that people here in Italy have taught me every day. You could find it in Spain or in many other cultures with strong family traditions.
I've seen people make choices that would seem irrational from a purely individualistic perspective. They remain close to their families. They choose local careers over more prestigious opportunities elsewhere. They have children relatively young. They rely on family support and, later in life, provide that same support to the next generation.
Over time, wealth, knowledge, and responsibility pass from parents to children and then to grandchildren. In these families, the most important investment was never an individual career. It was the family itself.
Of course, not every family works this way. But among the healthiest and most stable families I've known, this pattern appears again and again. Modern culture often promotes independence as the highest virtue.
At the same time, we're told that being "too nice" is a weakness. That good people get exploited while aggressive people get ahead. There is some truth to the idea that kindness can be mistaken for weakness. But I've noticed something else.
The genuinely good person often wins in the long run, not because life is fair, but because trust compounds. So a person who consistently helps others, keeps commitments, and contributes to their community gradually builds a stronger network. Some relationships will disappear. Some people will take advantage of them. But over time, unhealthy relationships are pruned away and healthier ones grow in their place.
This leads to a broader observation.
The secret to lasting relationships it's shared commitments.
Strong relationships are built around structures that give people common goals and common responsibilities.
Think of a father whose son loves football.
The father becomes involved as a coach.
At first, it might seem like a simple hobby.
Eventually his wife yell at him because He is doing something out of his "age".
But eventually the son plays.
The mother becomes involved too.
Weekends become organized around games and training.
A shared project emerges.
The family now has something larger than any one individual.
Are we underestimating how powerful this is???
As men and women, we should absolutely invest in self-improvement.
But if our goal is to build asomething, we should also be building the infrastructure that allows people to grow together. (like in the family)
None of this means life becomes easy. Many of the strongest relationships I've encountered have gone through difficult periods.
Just because there can be crushes, difficulties, etc, you've to find someone who could actually be able to speak thruth for each of this obstacle and try to do it togheter.
The difference is that the people involved remained committed to something larger than themselves.
People often talk about life as a series of stages. Some choose to focus on family early and career later. Others prioritize career first and family later. Neither approach is inherently right or wrong, but the point is that every life follows some roadmap, whether consciously chosen or not.
What seems to be disappearing today is the idea that building or maintaining a family is itself a long-term investment.
Instead, we are encouraged to become the best possible version of ourselves as individuals.
How many couples separate after a major career change?
How many relationships struggle after one partner moves away?
The issue isn't a lack of love. It's the disappearance of a common project.
...
The school system provides an interesting example.
Imagine 100 students divided into five classes of 20 students each.
Class A knows students from Classes B, C, D, and E.
Yet the strongest friendships and relationships usually form within Class A.
Why?
Because they share the same daily experiences, challenges, and objectives.
They are participating in the same project.
Years later, when school ends, many of those relationships fade.
The shared structure disappears.
The same thing can happen in marriages, friendships, and communities when people stop working toward common goals...
This raises an interesting question for us
Can a highly independent person truly build long term shared goals with others if their default response to conflict is to leave, because He/She cannot be disrespected and must have boundaries?
This is why I understand people who say they did everything "for their family."
From the outside, it can seem irrational. But from within a long-term project that spans generations, the logic becomes much clearer, and sometimes, those people are unaware of what is really happening.
There is one final observation that shaped those words..
My grandfather and grandmother spent their entire lives together. He trusted her with his emotions, his finances, and his future. For decades, their lives were built around a shared path.
When my grandmother died in her nineties, my grandfather changed completely.
He lost the person with whom he had built his life's project.
Within two years, he was gone too.
But He was gone just after She passed away.
Whether we call it purpose, meaning, attachment, or simply love, the effect was undeniable. This is why I don't think the loss of direction that many people experience is mysterious.
Human beings need something larger than themselves to participate in.
A project. A mission. A family. A community. A shared future.
Self-improvement is only half of the equation.
I'm still convinced living by youself is actually solid advice.
You need to have a place to live in your own, but we actually romanticized that a lot, and people are doing their best but they're still alone.
It would be nice to hear different perspectives, especially from older people or those from different family backgrounds.
For example, how has your family influenced your view of relationships, commitment, and long-term goals? And how much do you think shared projects matter in keeping people together?
