redhandsbluehands
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The Federal Designated Shitting Republic of India (known to locals as Superpower by 2020, known to everybody else in the world as The Place Where You Get Off The Plane and Immediately Scream, "OMG! WTH? It Smells Worse than Fucking Shit!") is a subcontinent in South Asia shaped like wet shit just coming out of an anus, known by Westerners for its shitty movie industry named Bollywood, curry, doctor mills, elephants, pagans, trippy artwork, Gandhi, paki shops, the ever so helpful telemarketers, the worst body odour in the entire universe, and the fact that having proper sanitation such as toilets are ILLEGAL and will get you punished severely. Jon Stewart warns others from visiting India (in his book Democracy), where you can catch any diseases that ever killed anyone.
Some regard India as an exotic and distant land whose ancient history is full of myth, wonder, and beauty. In reality, the only thing exotic about India is the lethal smell much more lethal than Zyklon B and which will instantly kill you if you aren't a masochistic liberal. The history of India is a history of conquest - as in being subject to conquest. Over the millenia, various empires have had their turn at India--Alexander the Great; Genghis Khan; various Muslim conquistadors to the west; China started up shit once or twice; and of course, England, who decided to stick around after trying out some of the tea. Interestingly, while most countries gain their independence by churning out an eager generation of freedom fighters, India managed to shake off the yoke of the British empire due in large part to an old man in a toga. Of course this is bullshit, because liberals love metaphorically rimjobbing Gandhi and his legacy but often forget to mention the shitloads of people the British killed (with Indian troops) cos they weren't gonna fight back, or the fact that India was already descending into anarchy and riots whenever there was an opportunity. Finally when India did gain its own sovereignty, which was largely because the British ran out of bullets, so too did Pakistan. The two countries have been in a perpetual pissing contest over everything from religion to just plain trolling ever since.
Gandhi
India is one of the few countries in the world with the distinction of having nukes and they love to boast about it all the time, along with a space program and a massive electronics industry as the world leader in tech support, so it must first solve the problems of confused midwesterners who can't figure out what the hell is wrong with their computers before it can even think of solving its own. Its massive workforce must sit in waist-deep muddy water and try to figure out why some redneck can't get his internet to work while fending off basketball-sized rats, all between malaria-induced seizures. Thus creating the forced meme Superpower by 2020. As usual, it is always debunked by the fact that for all their superpower status they still can't afford freaking TOILETS. Also, on the nuke topic, India ain't special because so does Pakistan, which is a lot more Islamic, and a lot less fun. Naturally, the underlying nature of their rivalry becomes clearer when you consider that they were the same country 60 years ago, and that most of the drama between the two of them is over them both claiming a stretch of worthless, uninhabitable mountains in the name of national pride. Thus calling an Indian a Paki is akin to calling a Jew an Arab. It is therefore, an extremely good source of lulz. Also having the dubious honor of sharing a border with India is Bangladesh, who India liberated from Pakistan only to look down upon it like a retarded step child. Then there's China, who zerg rushed (seriously, they didn't see it coming!) India in the 60s and took a chunk of territory the size of Switzerland, which India is still butthurt over. So all in all, one can say India has good relations with its neighbors.
Typical Beach
Modern India
How to use Indian Toilet
Currently India's most severe problem is a continuing health catastrophe caused by the fact that poor people defecate all over everything because there aren't enough toilets (srsly). So remember, when you see a Pajeet arguing that his country will be superpower, always present an image of a clean and beautiful sanitary toilet, then record the butthurt.
India is also the largest safe haven for rapists and pedophiles in the world. 5 out of 4 Indian males name rape as their favourite pastime.
The Indian armed forces are greatly respected by the general public in India. Every year, over 9000 women in India offer themselves to the troops as a sign of respect.
Indians love comparing themselves to their big brother, China, and think that they are better. In reality however, China rapes India at everything. Everything. Their economy is 2 times bigger than India's, and their average citizen earns 2 times as much. They have 200 million more people, which means that they can zerg rush a country much better. Chinese people beats Indians in school grades, video games, sport performance, mass production, and business. China has a longer and more prosperous history, being the world's superpower at least 3 times (and they are on their way for the 4th time). India, on the other hand, has either been split into multiple tiny countries that fight on a daily basis, or been conquered by stronger countries looking for a large, cheap labor force. However, India is distinguished from China by democratic government, having freedom of press, and embracing the concept of universal civil rights, but are those really something to be proud of?. India also has a larger pharmaceutical industry, more historic contributions to mathematics, and is responsible for originating Buddhism, one of the greatest cultural elements in the history of China's civilization.
Remembering their long history of great culture and advanced ancient civilizations, Indians shit with their hand. They use their left hand for pooping, so that they are not confused when eating curry. INDIA FTW
Bollywood after First Gulf War
It is by order of Allah (Azn mod), that every Bollywood film MUST feature women with too much body hair (arms, lips, etc), men who look western enough to maybe crossover into mainstream media, and both sexes singing piss-poor songs. Physical contact and unclothed flesh must never be seen, OH NOES! Surprisingly, these drawbacks do not affect Bollywood (Gollywoggywood, amirite?) viewing figures, and they consistently draw crowds of up to 14 people.
Bollywood is a the Indian equivalent to Hollywood if you haven't already figured that out (PROTIP: It's a portmanteau of Bombay and Hollywood). If you thought that Hollywood was suffering from the same old unoriginal, plagiarized, recycled, boring, banal, retarded, melodramatic, predictable, cookie cutter, PG-13 films - than you may be grateful that, at least, it's no where near as bad as Bollywood films. Vast majority of indian movies are rip offs of hollywood movies. On the bright side, many lulz can be had (even if they are for the wrong reasons).
This are original film, DO NOT STEAL.
Error creating thumbnail: File missing
Typical Bollywood script. Also reflects why these cockroaches are able to multiply so quickly.
Another totally NOT gay scene from Bollywood. This is an Indian parody of outright stupid Indian films in general, but the film itself was ironically no better. Apparently this also ripped off from a Swedish film:
Indian actresses and actors are best known for their horrible acting and fake American wannabe accent. Indian actresses are whores who get paid to wear slutty outfits and provide good fap material to nerdy Indians. Basic qualifications to become a professional actor in Bollywood are having no talent, a fake American accent, and a face that attracts illiterate Indian whores and fags.
Trivia & Other Useless Facts
Hindu gods are serious business.
India, Land of the Tiny Penis
Notice the disappointment in her face
Recent studies have shown that Indian men are smaller in cock size than most of the world. In fact, the problem is so bad that condom companies had to manufacture a smaller condom to prevent slippage and breakage.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/6161691.stm <--Article
India, Land of genital whitening cosmetics
Indians are grateful for cunt whitening cosmetics
A cosmetics company wanted to help Your mom, who is a currymunching indian. So they made a Vaginal Wash to clean up all the mess she got down there. As it is a well established fact that indians have darker cunts than their faces(imagine a nigguh and multiply it with 50), so the product was an immense hit. However teh advertisement caused too much drama, lulz and butthurt among Indians. It featured a beautiful Indian woman who was too worried cus her husband didn't give a fuck about her. Then she found out that all this drama is cus of teh black, stinky and loose hole she calls cunt. She went to a local temple and prayed Shiva to make her cunt white. Shiva raepd teh whore and jizzed all over her ugly body. Then there's long series of TL;DR and in teh end woman gets a whiter cunt. Read full story here ->[2]
Indian women
Typical Indian woman asking for it, not your mom
Indian women are forced to prevent from having sex until they get married. When they do they are forced to have sex with a tiny penis. This results in women asking to be raped to gain sexual pleasure andlots of legal money at the same time. Which explains the high population and fast economy growth. If you're Indian,it is a fact that your dad has a tiny cock, and your mom is a prostitute.
the brown plague
An indian is typically a turd streak brown color and they usually speak like their tongue is glued to the top of their mouth with semen. They also have the reputation of smelling like absolute shit, and sweating curry after doing the simplest task. When talking to an indian you will be overwhelmed by the stench of shit coming from their mouth coupled with the fact they spit bits of curry when they speak. They also like chewing something called Paan which they use to paint their roads and sidewalks with plus it looks like they're bleeding from their mouth so it's awwright. Overall an indian is a terrible beast to be around and must be avoided or else he'll make you lose your job at 7-11 and fail to answer your questions about your computer.
National Sports
"u mother fucking Bitch studpid"-DJ Rajesh
How to troll Indians
Some regard India as an exotic and distant land whose ancient history is full of myth, wonder, and beauty. In reality, the only thing exotic about India is the lethal smell much more lethal than Zyklon B and which will instantly kill you if you aren't a masochistic liberal. The history of India is a history of conquest - as in being subject to conquest. Over the millenia, various empires have had their turn at India--Alexander the Great; Genghis Khan; various Muslim conquistadors to the west; China started up shit once or twice; and of course, England, who decided to stick around after trying out some of the tea. Interestingly, while most countries gain their independence by churning out an eager generation of freedom fighters, India managed to shake off the yoke of the British empire due in large part to an old man in a toga. Of course this is bullshit, because liberals love metaphorically rimjobbing Gandhi and his legacy but often forget to mention the shitloads of people the British killed (with Indian troops) cos they weren't gonna fight back, or the fact that India was already descending into anarchy and riots whenever there was an opportunity. Finally when India did gain its own sovereignty, which was largely because the British ran out of bullets, so too did Pakistan. The two countries have been in a perpetual pissing contest over everything from religion to just plain trolling ever since.
Gandhi
India is one of the few countries in the world with the distinction of having nukes and they love to boast about it all the time, along with a space program and a massive electronics industry as the world leader in tech support, so it must first solve the problems of confused midwesterners who can't figure out what the hell is wrong with their computers before it can even think of solving its own. Its massive workforce must sit in waist-deep muddy water and try to figure out why some redneck can't get his internet to work while fending off basketball-sized rats, all between malaria-induced seizures. Thus creating the forced meme Superpower by 2020. As usual, it is always debunked by the fact that for all their superpower status they still can't afford freaking TOILETS. Also, on the nuke topic, India ain't special because so does Pakistan, which is a lot more Islamic, and a lot less fun. Naturally, the underlying nature of their rivalry becomes clearer when you consider that they were the same country 60 years ago, and that most of the drama between the two of them is over them both claiming a stretch of worthless, uninhabitable mountains in the name of national pride. Thus calling an Indian a Paki is akin to calling a Jew an Arab. It is therefore, an extremely good source of lulz. Also having the dubious honor of sharing a border with India is Bangladesh, who India liberated from Pakistan only to look down upon it like a retarded step child. Then there's China, who zerg rushed (seriously, they didn't see it coming!) India in the 60s and took a chunk of territory the size of Switzerland, which India is still butthurt over. So all in all, one can say India has good relations with its neighbors.
Typical Beach
Modern India
How to use Indian Toilet
Currently India's most severe problem is a continuing health catastrophe caused by the fact that poor people defecate all over everything because there aren't enough toilets (srsly). So remember, when you see a Pajeet arguing that his country will be superpower, always present an image of a clean and beautiful sanitary toilet, then record the butthurt.
India is also the largest safe haven for rapists and pedophiles in the world. 5 out of 4 Indian males name rape as their favourite pastime.
The Indian armed forces are greatly respected by the general public in India. Every year, over 9000 women in India offer themselves to the troops as a sign of respect.
Indians love comparing themselves to their big brother, China, and think that they are better. In reality however, China rapes India at everything. Everything. Their economy is 2 times bigger than India's, and their average citizen earns 2 times as much. They have 200 million more people, which means that they can zerg rush a country much better. Chinese people beats Indians in school grades, video games, sport performance, mass production, and business. China has a longer and more prosperous history, being the world's superpower at least 3 times (and they are on their way for the 4th time). India, on the other hand, has either been split into multiple tiny countries that fight on a daily basis, or been conquered by stronger countries looking for a large, cheap labor force. However, India is distinguished from China by democratic government, having freedom of press, and embracing the concept of universal civil rights, but are those really something to be proud of?. India also has a larger pharmaceutical industry, more historic contributions to mathematics, and is responsible for originating Buddhism, one of the greatest cultural elements in the history of China's civilization.
Remembering their long history of great culture and advanced ancient civilizations, Indians shit with their hand. They use their left hand for pooping, so that they are not confused when eating curry. INDIA FTW
Bollywood after First Gulf War
It is by order of Allah (Azn mod), that every Bollywood film MUST feature women with too much body hair (arms, lips, etc), men who look western enough to maybe crossover into mainstream media, and both sexes singing piss-poor songs. Physical contact and unclothed flesh must never be seen, OH NOES! Surprisingly, these drawbacks do not affect Bollywood (Gollywoggywood, amirite?) viewing figures, and they consistently draw crowds of up to 14 people.
Bollywood is a the Indian equivalent to Hollywood if you haven't already figured that out (PROTIP: It's a portmanteau of Bombay and Hollywood). If you thought that Hollywood was suffering from the same old unoriginal, plagiarized, recycled, boring, banal, retarded, melodramatic, predictable, cookie cutter, PG-13 films - than you may be grateful that, at least, it's no where near as bad as Bollywood films. Vast majority of indian movies are rip offs of hollywood movies. On the bright side, many lulz can be had (even if they are for the wrong reasons).
This are original film, DO NOT STEAL.
Error creating thumbnail: File missing
Typical Bollywood script. Also reflects why these cockroaches are able to multiply so quickly.
Another totally NOT gay scene from Bollywood. This is an Indian parody of outright stupid Indian films in general, but the film itself was ironically no better. Apparently this also ripped off from a Swedish film:
Indian actresses and actors are best known for their horrible acting and fake American wannabe accent. Indian actresses are whores who get paid to wear slutty outfits and provide good fap material to nerdy Indians. Basic qualifications to become a professional actor in Bollywood are having no talent, a fake American accent, and a face that attracts illiterate Indian whores and fags.
Trivia & Other Useless Facts
“ | These cocky contortionists aren't just a threat to our convenience stores back in America. There's an even bigger threat looming on the horizon... the food. Dwayne, I've been here for 24 hours, and I can tell you, Indian food is pureé terrorism, resulting in gut-wrenching ass explosions that make you feel like you're shitting fire! | „ | ||
| —Chuck Summers, reporter from Grand Theft Auto- Vice City Stories |
“ | Dear Friends................. Proud to be an Indian and just think How much we have missed from this country. Lets all take think about acquiring knowledge all over the world and return back to our homeland and work to take it back to its fallen thrown........................ -- உங்கள் ஆருயிர் நண்பன், அனித் ராஜன் [attachment "india.pps"] | „ | ||
| — Anith Rama-something chained copypasta, showing off Indian Pride by using traditional Indian Software - Microsoft Powerpoint |
Hindu gods are serious business.
- Indians worship animals. They think cows are so holy, drinking their piss is the equivalent of Communion.
- Indians have a severe phobia of toilets and instead defecate on "Designated Shitting Streets."
- The Indus valley is now mainly in Pakistan, so India tried to claim they had a more ancient civilization that was conveniently in India.
- Many indians overseas tend to be more the Northern variety thats why they are not shitting on the streets.
- Indians accept that they are Asian when it is about math but not when it is about penis size.
- Indians eat insects, snakes, monkey brains, eels, etc. Check out Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, you'll see.
- There is more than one variety of these curry niggers consisting of sandnigger, azn and the classic brown shit called dravidians
- Indians think their accent is cool, but everyone else know that it is just a source of lulz.
- As a country where one third of the population suffers from poverty, India has some of the worst food in the world. Curry does not simply smell horrible and taste horrible, it makes YOU yourself smell horrible even after taking Over 9000 showers. Even curry is the national dish of Britain (yeah, and everyone knows how good the Brits are at choosing food), though most of the white English natives who eat it would like to deport all the minorities anyway.
- India, like the Chinese, have their own amazing "traditional" medicine, known as Ayurvedic medicine, notable for introducing the world to mercury and lead based medicines.
- Also like China, India boasts a population of over 1 billion people. However, because most of the marriages there are prearranged by the families, there is automatically no passion and love to begin with, only rape, unlike in a regular marriage when you realize that after turning fat and bald.
- Indians are disgustingly shameless heathens and actually wrote the Kamasutra, which isn't a cook book in case you didn't know. Note: The Kamasutra is about more than sex.
- The four great principles of life are "Kama," or pleasure (broadly conceived - includes rape); "Artha" or pursuit of wealth and social standing; "Dharma," or finding your life's destiny - religion and all that; and "Palma," or Fapping.
- Indians believe in "dividuality" as opposed to western individuality. This means that when an Indian touches shit the bad in it transfers to him. This is the basis of the Caste system.
- India is the birthplace of Yoga and is to blame for all those pretentious celebrities and yuppies who go to yoga classes and encourage "stretching" instead of actual exercise, adding to the West's obesity epidemic.
- Indians are proud of and will often tell you that India invented the number zero, though the irony in this is inconsequential.
- Indians being non-white minorities outside India identify with hip-hop and rap culture, and think adding S's and Z's after every word makes them coolerz, which makes for awesome sounding nicknames such as Shazz, Jazz, Sams, Sazz, Kizz, Dipz etc.
- Liberals actually believe Gandhi and civil disobedience liberated India. (PROTIP: The British had no bullets after pwning Hitler.)
- Prostitution is legal in India but pornography isn't.
- All Indians are desperately afraid of anti-perspiration deodorant. Deodorant killed several Hindu gods and led to the domination of India by Muslims. Not wearing deodorant also allows an Indian to remember the delicious curry they had for dinner last night, as it seeps out of their pores.
- In India, they worship over 330 million different gods Yet claim to be monotheistic - they believe "all gods are aspects of Brahma", when their own mythology condemns people with that opinion. However, if none of them are for you, simply head on over to your nearest Make-Your-Own-God temple, where you get to decide what your god stands for, think up a name, decide how many arms it will have, and think up a bunch of new chants to appease it.
- Indians have obsession to look lighter and they are obsessed with the skin-whitening cream.
India, Land of the Tiny Penis
Recent studies have shown that Indian men are smaller in cock size than most of the world. In fact, the problem is so bad that condom companies had to manufacture a smaller condom to prevent slippage and breakage.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/6161691.stm <--Article
India, Land of genital whitening cosmetics
Indians are grateful for cunt whitening cosmetics
A cosmetics company wanted to help Your mom, who is a currymunching indian. So they made a Vaginal Wash to clean up all the mess she got down there. As it is a well established fact that indians have darker cunts than their faces(imagine a nigguh and multiply it with 50), so the product was an immense hit. However teh advertisement caused too much drama, lulz and butthurt among Indians. It featured a beautiful Indian woman who was too worried cus her husband didn't give a fuck about her. Then she found out that all this drama is cus of teh black, stinky and loose hole she calls cunt. She went to a local temple and prayed Shiva to make her cunt white. Shiva raepd teh whore and jizzed all over her ugly body. Then there's long series of TL;DR and in teh end woman gets a whiter cunt. Read full story here ->[2]
Indian women
Indian women are forced to prevent from having sex until they get married. When they do they are forced to have sex with a tiny penis. This results in women asking to be raped to gain sexual pleasure andlots of legal money at the same time. Which explains the high population and fast economy growth. If you're Indian,it is a fact that your dad has a tiny cock, and your mom is a prostitute.
the brown plague
An indian is typically a turd streak brown color and they usually speak like their tongue is glued to the top of their mouth with semen. They also have the reputation of smelling like absolute shit, and sweating curry after doing the simplest task. When talking to an indian you will be overwhelmed by the stench of shit coming from their mouth coupled with the fact they spit bits of curry when they speak. They also like chewing something called Paan which they use to paint their roads and sidewalks with plus it looks like they're bleeding from their mouth so it's awwright. Overall an indian is a terrible beast to be around and must be avoided or else he'll make you lose your job at 7-11 and fail to answer your questions about your computer.
National Sports
"u mother fucking Bitch studpid"-DJ Rajesh
- Telemarketing
- Whinging
- Not Bathing
- Tech Support
- Fucking farm animals
- Worshipping farm animals
- Pissing Off Everybody
- Burning Effigies
- Crapping Everywhere
- Diarrhea
- Raping Mad Cows
- Posting (Boasting) on the interwebz
- Taking Over Everything
- Coming to more civilized countries that aren't buried in ten feet of crap and raping everyone of their jobs
- Worshipping Elephants with 20,000 Arms
- Applying bleaching cream
- Raep
- Wanking
- lynching the south indians (the south indians are the sterotypical indian)
- Pretending to be White on teh Internets
- Pretending to be Jew on teh Internets
- Boasting about their azn sized dicks
- Sexting Azn girls on Nimbuzz
- Acting Tough on teh Internets
- Copypasta
How to troll Indians
- Give them toilet paper
- Say anything good about Pakistan, anything at all.
- Tell them Pakistan won 1965 War.
- Tell them Pakistan bitchslapped them by taking Tiger Hill in 1999.
- Ask them if they worship a dick, Shiva Ling. When they say yes, ask them if they suck it? Make sure to inform the cops of your whereabouts before you do it.
- Tell them they look like skinny Nigras with straight hair
- Tell them that IT superpower and Cricket superpower were not original power levels until they invented them
- Ask them if they have access to toilets back home while simultaneously holding your nose, if they reply in the affirmative, ask them if they have heard of deodorants.
- Tell them Kashmir belongs to Pakistan.
- Tell them the British colonization was the best thing to ever happen to India.
- Ask them their opinion of Hitler wait for their approval of him as a fellow Aryan before lulzily reminding them of his gassing of four lakh Gypsies from India.
- Tell them the Punjab province should separate
- remind them that incest was prevalent in many high hindu castes
- Tell them they are not a Great Power.
- Ask them how Indra, God of Heaven, rode an Elephant through the clouds, when the Elephant clearly had no wings.
- Tell them there are Hindu extremists.
- Tell them about how they got raped by sandniggers (Muslims)
- If you are in India, ask the nearest Indian where a burger joint and/or steakhouse is and Run for your life.
- Tell them their religion sucks so badly that most Indians would rather be Muslim.
- Remind them that over 9000 Bollywood actors don't look Indian at all.****(they aren't they are paki's)
- Tell that Zaid Hamid is one of the greatest minds of this Era.
- Insist that their Caste system is worse than Apartheid.
- Ask them why any sane person would reject a tasty cowburger.
- Ask them what are their views about 500 years of Central Asian Muslim slavery.
- Ask if the world was created as a result of Kali (some Hindu goddess) fucking Shiva (some Hindu god) in his butthole with a strapon, and if so, how much lube they think it took.
- Insist that they didn't defeat Pakistan in 1971, Bangladeshis did that.
- For people from the Northern India: Suggest that Tamils (people from the south) are beautiful and intelligent and far more friendly than anyone from the North.
- Suggest that Pakistan is developing more quickly into a true modern nation. (This isn't true , but it pisses them right off nonetheless)
- Suggest that Urdu is an infinitely more beautiful language than Hindi.
- Tell them Hindi is nothing but vulgarization/Copypasta of Pakistan's language urdu.
- Ask them why Hindi isn't spoken by everyone in the country.
- Ask them about "Shivlinga" and aboout them idolizing a dick of god shiva inside a vagina of godess parwati, and milk dropping representing cum. Shiva also had another affair with ganga and smoked weed all the time.
- Ask them about Kabul Hijacking.
- Say India was such a shit country that China gave it back.
- Say Rama wasn't born in Ayodhya.
- Tell them they are so lame that even Mamluk Sultanate ruled them.
- Tell them India should stop trying to compete with China.
- Say India sucked so bad the Mongols didn't want it.
- Point out that, as a country should be divided.
- Tell them that the north west indians (Punjabi) are superior in culture than the rest of India
- Tell them Ghandi was a bitch
- Apu
- Kumar
- Daler Mehndi
- Sanjaya
- Ghandi, famous for marrying a 13 year old girl and no other reason
- Kahn Noonien Singh
- Deepak Chopra
- Freddie Mercury, lead singer of Queen who queened his way to the top
- Salman Rushdie, trolled the entire Muslim world
- Sanjay Gupta, American Surgeon General (see video)
- The doctor that delivered you from your mother's insidious, malformed loins
- Bobby Jindal
- Your mother. That's right. She's a fucking-shit smelling Indian.
- Nikki Haley, former Governor of South Carolina and American Ambassador to the U.N.
- Kamala Harris, Joe Biden's Vice Presidential selection in the 2020 Presidential Race.
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