is it truly never over?

[weex300]

QUICK DISCLAIMER: I'm not doing this for attention, It should be obvious but I'm not a attention whore to people I don't know in the internet, it's just that I don't have anyone else to talk this with, if you don't want to read a bunch of text just dnr and leave, because I've read it all before, and I won't mind reading it again

Spoiler: my current situation

I'm 15, growth plates are fused, and my height to say the least is disappointing, 5'6-5'5, my face is recessed, my hyoid is set too low, I have nasolabial folds and a asymmetrical face, my ramus is short (probably due to the lack of counterclockwise rotation, but it doesn't matter), it is possible to estimate craniofacial development from the growth plates of other parts of the body, and sincerely it's probably over as well, no amount of chewing would change my final craniofacial structure, perhaps only surgery would.

Spoiler: why here?

I do hate being a fucking faggot and resorting to saying all this in this forum, but sincerely who else could I talk to? my father is absent, my mother tells me I should "accept being short" and that I'm "obsessed with looks" and that's all in my head, and I won't bother explain to her anything because she starts saying shit about how God loves everyone, I do have a therapist but sincerely it doesn't help, I have two friends in school and they also can't tell me anything different (I've tried to talk about it with them), and most disappointingly and I will admit how retarded this must sound, i vented with chat gpt because there was no one else to talk to (needless to say it didn't help)

Spoiler: when and why this started

when and why this all started? I've detailed already in previous posts how it all started with my girlfriend breaking up with me on April 15th of this year, I met her when we were both young (around 6 or 8 years old), and ever since I fell in love with her, she was my first girlfriend and the one woman I truly loved the most, our relationship started on 2024, but due to personal issues we had to end it the same year, but past year April 20th she came back with me and we got our parents to approve of our relationship, but she would then start lying to me, hiding stuff from me, becoming a feminist (which we can all agree is problematic), being a girl boss with me, and i was suffering bullying and isolation in school back then, she was truly everything I had, so I submitted to her even tho I knew this was not the best move, needless to say she would shift the guilt to me and break up with me after staying with me to torture me further. (this is a oversimplification of what happened, but further details are not necessary for the understanding of our relationship)

Spoiler: today

well all my problems are centered around my ex girlfriend and what she told me, I have constant nightmares with her, constant memories of her, not to mention she's the biggest source of body dysmorphya I have, she mocked all my insecurities and said women had it worse than men when it came to looks to dismiss my feelings, she was loving at some point but then she just started telling me to kill myself and insulting me like I was useless all the time, and when she left me, I was hopeless because I knew no other girl would like me, and I hate myself for being correct, I tried and failed to get any other girl, and the reasons are very easy to go through: you're short, you're ugly, you're not my type (basically a polite way of saying the other two). I am on antidepressants, first was Zoloft (sertraline) and now I'm on Prozac (Fluoxetine), but my mother won't give me Prozac anymore because she hid it in fear of me killing myself, even tho I wouldn't be able to do so, and it doesn't matter because they don't help me at all even if my mother gave me them

TL;DR
5'5 (growth plates fused), recessed, fatass and 15yo, perhaps I can try to make a obstructive sleep apnea study as an excuse to get a bimax, and leg lengthening surgery when I'm old enough to (paired with arm lenghtening surgery), maybe hop on roids and start my cycle if I get access to any so hopefully I can increase my dimorphism, lastly I could steal my mom's GLP-1 injections to get lean (eating micronutrients and macronutrients doesn't matter anymore growth plates are fused)