Is reconciliation with your family worth it?

[AlexAP]

I hate my family. I never had a good relationship with them, we have too different personalities. We always end up arguing about everything (all important life choices) and to this day we disagree about everything, we always get emotional when arguing and end up saying hurtful things. I'm always depressed when I'm around them.

The only exception was my father, because I don't think he even cares about anything in my life. He was always very cold to me. The "good" thing about this was that we never argued (lol).

Now I'm thinking about completely cut off all contact with my family when I'm starting my new life. I want to never talk to them again, block them from all devices and move to a place far away. When I think about this, I feel good. But then I think: If I have a family someday, should they never met my kids? What should I tell my kids when they ask? Will I never regret cutting them off, even when I'm 70, 80 years old?

I feel very sad that I never had a good relationship with my family. I feel kinda robbed ngl. My father was a like a zombie to me, the others were only there to argue with me since I was a kid, I have no good memories with them. I can't relate with other people who say how great a family bond is.

Should I just end my relationship with my family? Do you think a reconciliation is still possible? Do you think I will regret it if I cut off all contact with them?

 

[Vitruvian]

Read more about it. Ur thinking too much from your perspective

 

[AlexAP]

Read more about it. Ur thinking too much from your perspective

You mean read about family issues?

I read about it. Half say "Cut toxic people off your life, even if they're family", the other half says "You should forgive them, or it will eat your soul". I don't know what's the right thing to do.

 

[Deleted member 12758]

Idk bro im now into some German new medicine that says every disease are caused by emotional conflicts, you should forigive them

 

[AlexAP]

Idk bro im now into some German new medicine that says every disease are caused by emotional conflicts, you should forigive them

I don't believe in this theory.

And it feels kinda impossible to forgive them now. I don't know how I will think about it in 20 years though.

 

[AlexAP]

The more I think about it, the more I think it's impossible to reconcile. The only feeling I have for them is hate. I feel joy when I imagine they will be dead someday.

I will start a new life without them and never talk to them again.

 

[fukmylyf]

wondering the same thing. My family sort of fell apart last year. I ghosted my brother and honestly wouldn't mind if he dropped dead rn, but I'm starting to miss my nephew and the big family gatherings we used to have. It gets lonely during the holidays ngl. I don't know if it's worth it though. I guess you could start your own family, but your kids will miss out on social development if you don't have a solid network. Life can be hard for an only-child.

 

[AlexAP]

wondering the same thing. My family sort of fell apart last year. I ghosted my brother and honestly wouldn't mind if he dropped dead rn, but I'm starting to miss my nephew and the big family gatherings we used to have. It gets lonely during the holidays ngl. I don't know if it's worth it though. I guess you could start your own family, but your kids will miss out on social development if you don't have a solid network. Life can be hard for an only-child.

Yeah this is true. I don't like anything about my family members, and I wouldn't miss them. But I won't have anyone I can spend the holidays with if I cut off contact with them, I will be completely lonely. Starting your own family will take years, and I don't even want to think about it rn. And what should I tell my hypothetic wife or kids if they want to meet my family?

I guess whatever decision I take, it will hurt.

 

[CupOfCoffee]

You will probably regret not at least trying to reconcile and link your children with your extended family. From my finding the more connection between kids and their entire family they have better childhoods and become better adults. Btw I'm in a similar situation, I'm just too different in how I think that I feel like an alien around them, but you have a long more in common than you think you do.