maxismisha
Platinum
- Joined
- Jun 25, 2025
- Posts
- 1,015
- Reputation
- 454
Daily reminder: No amount of chewing 3 packs of fucking mastic gum, tilting your head at some dumbass 17.3° angle, or sleeping like a goddamn soldier is going to turn your ugly-ass face into a GigaChad. You’re not “activating your masseter.” You’re just wasting your time and giving yourself jaw cramps, you sad fuck.
Bro, you’ve been mewing and pushing your tongue to the roof of your mouth for 4 fucking years and you still look like a busted NPC from Skyrim. Seriously, you think taking a million shitty bathroom selfies while squeezing your tongue up there is going to “bring your midface forward”? You’re one fucking tongue cramp away from realizing you’ve been duped, dumbass.
And the whole obsession with your “eye area”? What the fuck is wrong with you? Dry scooping caffeine, squinting at the sun like a goddamn idiot hoping your eye sockets magically get deeper? Newsflash: that’s not “hunter eyes.” That’s just you being a vitamin D deficient fuckwit.
Also, spoiler alert: there is no “scleral show reduction exercise.” Blinking slower won’t fix your busted canthal tilt. You look like a glitchy-ass robot trying to stare into girls’ souls at Whole Foods and failing miserably.
Your morning routine looks longer than a fucking PhD thesis:
• Wake up
• Check your ugly-ass jaw in the mirror
• Do the dumbass tongue posture
• Ice your sad face
• Tape your mouth shut like a goddamn mummy
• Chew gum like a fucking beaver
• Stare at your reflection for 30 minutes hoping for a miracle that’ll never come
Here’s the cold, harsh fucking truth: It’s ALL genetics. Your ugly-ass was dealt a shitty hand before you even took your first breath. No hack, no peptide, no amount of tongue yoga is gonna fix that shit.
So stop wasting your fucking youth chasing illusions. Go outside. Touch some fucking grass. Because the only people who give a damn about your gonial angle are you and a handful of losers on some sketchy forum who haven’t left their basement in a week.
Bro, you’ve been mewing and pushing your tongue to the roof of your mouth for 4 fucking years and you still look like a busted NPC from Skyrim. Seriously, you think taking a million shitty bathroom selfies while squeezing your tongue up there is going to “bring your midface forward”? You’re one fucking tongue cramp away from realizing you’ve been duped, dumbass.
And the whole obsession with your “eye area”? What the fuck is wrong with you? Dry scooping caffeine, squinting at the sun like a goddamn idiot hoping your eye sockets magically get deeper? Newsflash: that’s not “hunter eyes.” That’s just you being a vitamin D deficient fuckwit.
Also, spoiler alert: there is no “scleral show reduction exercise.” Blinking slower won’t fix your busted canthal tilt. You look like a glitchy-ass robot trying to stare into girls’ souls at Whole Foods and failing miserably.
Your morning routine looks longer than a fucking PhD thesis:
• Wake up
• Check your ugly-ass jaw in the mirror
• Do the dumbass tongue posture
• Ice your sad face
• Tape your mouth shut like a goddamn mummy
• Chew gum like a fucking beaver
• Stare at your reflection for 30 minutes hoping for a miracle that’ll never come
Here’s the cold, harsh fucking truth: It’s ALL genetics. Your ugly-ass was dealt a shitty hand before you even took your first breath. No hack, no peptide, no amount of tongue yoga is gonna fix that shit.
So stop wasting your fucking youth chasing illusions. Go outside. Touch some fucking grass. Because the only people who give a damn about your gonial angle are you and a handful of losers on some sketchy forum who haven’t left their basement in a week.
