JohnKing1
Iron
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2025
- Posts
- 117
- Reputation
- 52
I decided to listen to Goodlooking by suki Waterhouse slowed for a second time and this time it hit hard, I mean fucking hard.
It brought back so many memories of being neglected. Not just by my peers throughout my life but my own family members.
Treating me like an NPC. I just don’t matter man. Omfg. I haven’t been able to cry in over a year. But this shit got to me deep. I won’t ever hear those words. “My good looking boy.”
My father was very distant. He actually didn’t care tbh. Left me on a bench and forced my mom to pick me up. He was a narcissist who got pleasure in manipulating others.
I think he genuinely had ASPD. May be one of the reasons I exhibit a lot of his traits. I can’t love anyone really. I’m not built for that. I literally cannot feel love. I have to fake EVERYTHING.
I remember being taught facial expressions and social norms that I kept breaking by my mother. But it genuinely gets to me when I feel that no one cares about me. Even if I physically couldn’t care about them, I wouldn’t hurt them. I just want to know that I’m loved, something to keep me here so I don’t commit crimes and get into some nasty trouble.
My amygdala is probably shrunken. That’s could be why I’m as creative and only can feel the bare minimum of emotions not the complex ones. I’m fucking broken, internally. And it’s over. I’ve been thinking of overdosing on my sleep meds and whatever else is in my grandmas medicine cabinet. Anyways, over and out boyos.
It brought back so many memories of being neglected. Not just by my peers throughout my life but my own family members.
Treating me like an NPC. I just don’t matter man. Omfg. I haven’t been able to cry in over a year. But this shit got to me deep. I won’t ever hear those words. “My good looking boy.”
My father was very distant. He actually didn’t care tbh. Left me on a bench and forced my mom to pick me up. He was a narcissist who got pleasure in manipulating others.
I think he genuinely had ASPD. May be one of the reasons I exhibit a lot of his traits. I can’t love anyone really. I’m not built for that. I literally cannot feel love. I have to fake EVERYTHING.
I remember being taught facial expressions and social norms that I kept breaking by my mother. But it genuinely gets to me when I feel that no one cares about me. Even if I physically couldn’t care about them, I wouldn’t hurt them. I just want to know that I’m loved, something to keep me here so I don’t commit crimes and get into some nasty trouble.
My amygdala is probably shrunken. That’s could be why I’m as creative and only can feel the bare minimum of emotions not the complex ones. I’m fucking broken, internally. And it’s over. I’ve been thinking of overdosing on my sleep meds and whatever else is in my grandmas medicine cabinet. Anyways, over and out boyos.
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