I’ve Been Depressed Since I Was a Kid and I Don’t Know How I’m Still Alive

[zerotohero]

I’ve been living with depression since elementary school. Since I was around 10 years old. That’s when the suicidal thoughts started too. I’ve been carrying this shit for a decade and a half, and I genuinely don’t know how I’m still alive.

Every day feels like I’m just surviving out of habit. I’ve never been happy with myself. Not once. Not since I gained consciousness. I don’t know what it feels like to truly enjoy being me.

If things keep going this way, I don’t see myself making it to 30. I’m seriously considering ending it if nothing changes by then. I’m not saying this for attention. I’m just tired of pretending like things are okay when they’ve never been.

Anyone else feel like they’ve been dying inside since childhood? Like there was never even a “before” to go back to?

 

[War_In_Chiraq]

I just woke up from a series of trauma flashbacks.

 

[zerotohero]

I’m gonna KMS.

 

[Cleetus Cornfield]

when have you felt happy

 

[Underdog9494]

Same, I've never been "truly happy"
I never really got what i wanted, sure.. there's some small things i did which might have made me happy but it was just useless dopamine

 

[StraightHeadJames]

Why?

 

[hunnidrounds]

Your not alone bro

 

[Magnus Ironblood]

Yeah depression never really goes imo.

You just have to try to survive long enough to experience some of the highs life can give.

I'd consider going back on anti depressants, but it would ruin my Geomaxxing, so no.

 

[hunnidrounds]

Yeah depression never really goes imo.

You just have to try to survive long enough to experience some of the highs life can give.

I'd consider going back on anti depressants, but it would ruin my Geomaxxing, so no.

What if you have Schizophrenia? It's a living nightmare.