D
Deleted member 25059
Fuchsia
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2022
- Posts
- 11,009
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I'm 24 at this point and have basically been doing this and only this since i was 15. It's always been my safe haven, and I very rarely challenged that with anything new and external. I never learned anything about being or becoming an adult. There was no natural progression towards it, no life experiences or lessons to get me there like those around me had. A realization and clarity about what my day to day life actually is. And it hit really hard. An early "mid life" crisis. Depression is not new to me, but this was and is some really dark stuff. I hadn't completely realized it before, but my close friends all grew up, moved on, made families and careers. I see them from time to time, but we no longer have anything in common, as they moved on from this lifestyle a long time ago. They have adult conversations around the table about meaningful stuff in their lives. The worst thing about sitting infront of a computer allday is the lack of memories. A year can go by and I have no memories at the end of it because I never experienced anything. In turn, time feels slow in the moment, but lightning fast in retrospect because there are no reference points stored in memory that sticks out. I'm working to get out of this shit hole and better myself.
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