dogedogedoge
In the system and I’m ruining the bugs
- Joined
- Sep 23, 2025
- Posts
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Inb4 “Dnr”
Inb4 “man up faggot”
An old journal entry I wrote, this entire day I spoke to my ex. My focus of it was to be positive, I’ve been trying to “mindsetmaxx”. You’ll see that I failed:
Talked to (redacted name), she admitted she did like me and that I had my chance and I sucked. Fair enough.
I still miss her, she’s still the cutest and I love her face, I still want to be with her, she told me to fuck off.
Im feeling like my entire life was just accumulating regret.
I regret my orthodontic procedures, I regret all of my actions, every word I’ve said, everything I’ve posted ever. Everyone sees me wrong. No one knows the real me, and I regret it. I am scared of everything.
I am hyper paranoid about my “reputation” when no one even knows me, and I somehow still have a past that comes back to bite me.
I need to stop caring about a “reputation” or what people will tell other people about me. I don’t want to be “myself” but I need to stop limiting myself because it’s the worst option. It’s easier said than done, because I always feel drained.
I always feel drained. I try to eat better; I have started taking supplements + creatine, and taking melatonin for sleep. I still cannot perform a single task or handle a social encounter due to lack of energy. Although, my sleep is still bad, as I am typing this at 12:38 AM of May 8th.
Maybe I need a reward system. I need to have a reason to complete tasks - maybe I can’t play video games until I go outside and say hi to someone, maybe I can’t open instagram until I get out of bed and make myself some eggs.
I won’t care about the rewards. Eh… I didn’t want to play games anyways… I don’t have the energy! I didn’t want to open Instagram anyways, I have 200 reels I don’t care about waiting for me!
It’s always a loop. My mind runs at a million miles an hour and never stops. I can never stay consistent with anything in life. I get discouraged when I don’t feel/see an instant improvement.
I need to work on my personality. I need to learn what people want to hear from me. From now on, I shouldn’t type what I want to say, I should think: “What would this person on the other end WANT to hear as a reply to this message? Did I ask them about them? Does it even look like I care about what they’re saying?” But then again, no one will do the same for me. Girls tell me they love nerdy guys who yap but I say one thing and I’m immediately left on delivered.
It feels like cuckoldry trying to appeal to others just to make connection with them, but is that my only option? I don’t have much else going for me.
This was supposed to be an entry to put my thoughts and feelings, so I can really take a step back and know how to feel, because I default to negative emotions. The entry reflects that, as I turned negative very quickly. Positivity is such a hard thing to be consistent with. I guess I find comfort in my own misery and it’s easy to spiral into negativity. I need to change the way my brain is wired, but how?
Tags: @Matrix88 @coastal @Revan
Inb4 “man up faggot”
An old journal entry I wrote, this entire day I spoke to my ex. My focus of it was to be positive, I’ve been trying to “mindsetmaxx”. You’ll see that I failed:
Talked to (redacted name), she admitted she did like me and that I had my chance and I sucked. Fair enough.
I still miss her, she’s still the cutest and I love her face, I still want to be with her, she told me to fuck off.
Im feeling like my entire life was just accumulating regret.
I regret my orthodontic procedures, I regret all of my actions, every word I’ve said, everything I’ve posted ever. Everyone sees me wrong. No one knows the real me, and I regret it. I am scared of everything.
I am hyper paranoid about my “reputation” when no one even knows me, and I somehow still have a past that comes back to bite me.
I need to stop caring about a “reputation” or what people will tell other people about me. I don’t want to be “myself” but I need to stop limiting myself because it’s the worst option. It’s easier said than done, because I always feel drained.
I always feel drained. I try to eat better; I have started taking supplements + creatine, and taking melatonin for sleep. I still cannot perform a single task or handle a social encounter due to lack of energy. Although, my sleep is still bad, as I am typing this at 12:38 AM of May 8th.
Maybe I need a reward system. I need to have a reason to complete tasks - maybe I can’t play video games until I go outside and say hi to someone, maybe I can’t open instagram until I get out of bed and make myself some eggs.
I won’t care about the rewards. Eh… I didn’t want to play games anyways… I don’t have the energy! I didn’t want to open Instagram anyways, I have 200 reels I don’t care about waiting for me!
It’s always a loop. My mind runs at a million miles an hour and never stops. I can never stay consistent with anything in life. I get discouraged when I don’t feel/see an instant improvement.
I need to work on my personality. I need to learn what people want to hear from me. From now on, I shouldn’t type what I want to say, I should think: “What would this person on the other end WANT to hear as a reply to this message? Did I ask them about them? Does it even look like I care about what they’re saying?” But then again, no one will do the same for me. Girls tell me they love nerdy guys who yap but I say one thing and I’m immediately left on delivered.
It feels like cuckoldry trying to appeal to others just to make connection with them, but is that my only option? I don’t have much else going for me.
This was supposed to be an entry to put my thoughts and feelings, so I can really take a step back and know how to feel, because I default to negative emotions. The entry reflects that, as I turned negative very quickly. Positivity is such a hard thing to be consistent with. I guess I find comfort in my own misery and it’s easy to spiral into negativity. I need to change the way my brain is wired, but how?
- “If this brain was somehow easier to mold, I'd get it just the way i like” - Laura
Tags: @Matrix88 @coastal @Revan
