NateJacobs
Maesthetic>
- Joined
- Jun 11, 2023
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rn im ldaring and i was looking at pics and vids from back in 2023 sophomore year that i had saved. I came across this
I had not only saved it to my phone, i also saved it on tt to my favorites. Back then i rarely saved things and especially to my phone since it was an old android with not a lot of space.(maybe 20gb)
The thing about this was, i already had an alter ego, i had 2.
Jaxon
Jaxon was my first alter ego. He was a loverboy, loved songs by mac demarco and other kind of sad love related music. He was empathetic and craved love and affection. He was my only alter ego for around a year and a half and he was the closest to becoming “real”. I told ppl who didn’t already know me to call me Jaxon and i got exposed for that by my dang teacher and it was embarrassing asf. Now ppl don’t care or remember it and i only told this to ppl who again didn’t know me. Jaxon soon began to lose his influence on me
John
John was manipulative and like it, borderline sociopathic, filled with vanity, self obsessed, confident maybe even egotistical, lack of care for others opinions or feelings, a willingness to take from others to gain for himself, and the music he liked was mainly rap. John was born in January 2022, around a year after Jaxon. I changed most of my online accounts to be named John, and sometimes i’d change it to Jaxon aswell. It was not until December 2022 that John started gaining real ground on Jaxon. I can pinpoint the exact moments that pushed me from Jaxon, to John.
Transformation
I’m gonna have to be vague but in January 2022, i had 2 incidents where i was for the first time going to have to f someone over and have ZERO way to justify it. I tried to procrastinate it but the guy said he needed my help now and i had to pull the trigger and screw him over. I did it, and i felt bad, but i was rewarded for doing it. Then, I screwed over a 15 year old kid who was an immigrant, his grandpa and mom had to work to support him and his entire big family. He was poor and had to sleep in a crowded room with his siblings. i then tried to drag it along because i felt to bad to just put him down, but then he began talking trash to me one day and i got mad and lost any empathy for the kid. I told him he’s a dumb broke immigrant and should stfu and he told me he was actually lying to whole time. I then flipped the script,
the result was, i screwed over the kid, i got rewarded, and he lost. But, i needed him off my back, because my stupid self revealed to much and almost revealed my actual irl info. So, i decided to tell him that’s messed up to lie about and that it was crazy he tricked me into believing it. The low iq nitwit, now thought he got the last laugh, he started calling me dumb and said how’d you believe that and i just said idk it sounded legit. He then went away, and i never had to deal with him. I literally won. I was rewarded for lying, cheating and manipulating. In this moment, i completely immersed myself in these tactics and Jaxon was DEAD.
Death of John
In July 2023, i started getting attention from girls. I was not this “loverboy” like jaxon but i wasn’t super manipulative like John. I changed my TT name to my irl name again instead of jaxon, i deleted discord which had John on it, i stopped using other apps that had “John” as my username. I know longer had a real alter ego. All i had was me irl, and the closet thing to the real me was on the internet (.org). I was more aligned with John, i still manipulated, i still lied, i was/am super self centered and obsessed. I am still vain, just not as much as he was rn. I’m not like Jaxon at all now. I rarely listen to that type of music and when i do it’s not for the same feeling really. I listen to wtv i want, im not a loverboy, i don’t lack empathy, i think twice before screwing people over and i haven’t screwed someone over in a while. “Nate” is the closet thing to an alter ego that i have but that’s not even the same thing. Nate’s a real character. I don’t have a real mask to wear, i need a revamp. This buzz cut didn’t change anything for me. I’m the same subhuman loser i was before. I need,
A New Cool name i resonate with,
Personality Traits He Will Have
ANWAYS
-NATE
I had not only saved it to my phone, i also saved it on tt to my favorites. Back then i rarely saved things and especially to my phone since it was an old android with not a lot of space.(maybe 20gb)
The thing about this was, i already had an alter ego, i had 2.
Jaxon
Jaxon was my first alter ego. He was a loverboy, loved songs by mac demarco and other kind of sad love related music. He was empathetic and craved love and affection. He was my only alter ego for around a year and a half and he was the closest to becoming “real”. I told ppl who didn’t already know me to call me Jaxon and i got exposed for that by my dang teacher and it was embarrassing asf. Now ppl don’t care or remember it and i only told this to ppl who again didn’t know me. Jaxon soon began to lose his influence on me
John
John was manipulative and like it, borderline sociopathic, filled with vanity, self obsessed, confident maybe even egotistical, lack of care for others opinions or feelings, a willingness to take from others to gain for himself, and the music he liked was mainly rap. John was born in January 2022, around a year after Jaxon. I changed most of my online accounts to be named John, and sometimes i’d change it to Jaxon aswell. It was not until December 2022 that John started gaining real ground on Jaxon. I can pinpoint the exact moments that pushed me from Jaxon, to John.
Transformation
I’m gonna have to be vague but in January 2022, i had 2 incidents where i was for the first time going to have to f someone over and have ZERO way to justify it. I tried to procrastinate it but the guy said he needed my help now and i had to pull the trigger and screw him over. I did it, and i felt bad, but i was rewarded for doing it. Then, I screwed over a 15 year old kid who was an immigrant, his grandpa and mom had to work to support him and his entire big family. He was poor and had to sleep in a crowded room with his siblings. i then tried to drag it along because i felt to bad to just put him down, but then he began talking trash to me one day and i got mad and lost any empathy for the kid. I told him he’s a dumb broke immigrant and should stfu and he told me he was actually lying to whole time. I then flipped the script,
the result was, i screwed over the kid, i got rewarded, and he lost. But, i needed him off my back, because my stupid self revealed to much and almost revealed my actual irl info. So, i decided to tell him that’s messed up to lie about and that it was crazy he tricked me into believing it. The low iq nitwit, now thought he got the last laugh, he started calling me dumb and said how’d you believe that and i just said idk it sounded legit. He then went away, and i never had to deal with him. I literally won. I was rewarded for lying, cheating and manipulating. In this moment, i completely immersed myself in these tactics and Jaxon was DEAD.
Death of John
In July 2023, i started getting attention from girls. I was not this “loverboy” like jaxon but i wasn’t super manipulative like John. I changed my TT name to my irl name again instead of jaxon, i deleted discord which had John on it, i stopped using other apps that had “John” as my username. I know longer had a real alter ego. All i had was me irl, and the closet thing to the real me was on the internet (.org). I was more aligned with John, i still manipulated, i still lied, i was/am super self centered and obsessed. I am still vain, just not as much as he was rn. I’m not like Jaxon at all now. I rarely listen to that type of music and when i do it’s not for the same feeling really. I listen to wtv i want, im not a loverboy, i don’t lack empathy, i think twice before screwing people over and i haven’t screwed someone over in a while. “Nate” is the closet thing to an alter ego that i have but that’s not even the same thing. Nate’s a real character. I don’t have a real mask to wear, i need a revamp. This buzz cut didn’t change anything for me. I’m the same subhuman loser i was before. I need,
A New Cool name i resonate with,
Personality Traits He Will Have
ANWAYS
-NATE
