mzlab
Iron
- Joined
- Jun 30, 2025
- Posts
- 15
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- 17
Just a random faggot sharing his life as a sub5
I'm 19 years old, neurodivergent most of the time but I can bring myself to act like a normie when needed but I don't because I hate acting like such. I knew I was not genetically gifted (except the fact that I always thought about things that a kid shouldn't even have to question at that age) since I was 11 years old so I always observed people interact by themselves without talking most of the time (thanks to that I don't know why but I can know what people think at moments and their hypocrisy among themselves or against me). Being a sub5 is really a hell almost everyday but I always coped about my looks and thought I was not good looking but it was passable to act in society like a normal person. I was also mocked for my looks by some friends sometimes telling me that I'm chopped (one is mtn and the other htn) before saying it's a just a joke, I didn't feel offended when they told me because I didn't feel concerned at all like looking in another POV outside my body and the voices inside my head are 2 times more harsher than them, I don't resent them at all to be honest. I was also mocked by some 14 years old girl (that had curves looking like a 20 yo thot, still not cracking I aint a pedo) saying that I looked ugly when I just hanging with the same friends I was talking about earlier, I didn't respond to her at all because it felt lame to just insult a little kid so I just ignored her completly (one of my friends laughed saying it was lame getting critized by a kid). It's so over for me I never touched a girl besides shaking hands, I only talked to 1 girl one day for about 20-30 minutes but except that nothing. But what's harder to live is the constant voice in my head telling harsher words that I've never heard before it just doesnt stop and keeps going (thanks god sometimes I forget I'm chopped, happends 3-4 times a month).
It's so over for me I think, gonna live life like it's been made for me and maybe one day end it if I lose my mind (sometimes I laugh for nothing when I'm at work alone, don't know if my cortisol is high or just losing it).
Don't think anyone will ever read what I've wrote but if it's not the case I really thank you for reading from the bottom of my heart.
I'm 19 years old, neurodivergent most of the time but I can bring myself to act like a normie when needed but I don't because I hate acting like such. I knew I was not genetically gifted (except the fact that I always thought about things that a kid shouldn't even have to question at that age) since I was 11 years old so I always observed people interact by themselves without talking most of the time (thanks to that I don't know why but I can know what people think at moments and their hypocrisy among themselves or against me). Being a sub5 is really a hell almost everyday but I always coped about my looks and thought I was not good looking but it was passable to act in society like a normal person. I was also mocked for my looks by some friends sometimes telling me that I'm chopped (one is mtn and the other htn) before saying it's a just a joke, I didn't feel offended when they told me because I didn't feel concerned at all like looking in another POV outside my body and the voices inside my head are 2 times more harsher than them, I don't resent them at all to be honest. I was also mocked by some 14 years old girl (that had curves looking like a 20 yo thot, still not cracking I aint a pedo) saying that I looked ugly when I just hanging with the same friends I was talking about earlier, I didn't respond to her at all because it felt lame to just insult a little kid so I just ignored her completly (one of my friends laughed saying it was lame getting critized by a kid). It's so over for me I never touched a girl besides shaking hands, I only talked to 1 girl one day for about 20-30 minutes but except that nothing. But what's harder to live is the constant voice in my head telling harsher words that I've never heard before it just doesnt stop and keeps going (thanks god sometimes I forget I'm chopped, happends 3-4 times a month).
It's so over for me I think, gonna live life like it's been made for me and maybe one day end it if I lose my mind (sometimes I laugh for nothing when I'm at work alone, don't know if my cortisol is high or just losing it).
Don't think anyone will ever read what I've wrote but if it's not the case I really thank you for reading from the bottom of my heart.
