foidkiller42
never look at a face for too long
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2026
- Posts
- 411
- Reputation
- 264
i dont mind living in a cycle, but if only i could enjoy atleast one thing in the whole week, maybe then id look forward to living, maybe then i would be happy, maybe then i wouldnt be making this post, but no. there is not a second of my week that brings me joy, or any neutral feeling, its gotten so bad to the point ive almost given up on religion and god, i have no goal to centre towards, no reason to keep continuing, so, what will i do? am i going to kms? nah thats for attention seekers, i hate it when people talk about killing themselves infront of random people irl, go on a killing spree? well, if i had access to a gun maybe, just to take out maybe 2 people and forever be memorialized as a joke. i would much rather just lay down and rot, fuck i just want to lay down and rot, atleast then i wouldnt have anyone else see my face irl, maybe then i wouldnt get spoken to or made fun of, i hate speaking to people irl, all i can think about is wishing for the conversation to be over, i know they dont want to speak to me, thats why if they do choose to speak to me its just to make jokes about me, ive completely given up on talking, unfortunately my school wants me to get ready for year 11, they keep fucking taking me out of lessons, drawing attention to me, and then making me talk to random fucking strangers about tests and shit (mostly because i bunked all of my mocs) "oh what collage are you going to?" "are you staying here or going to six form?" no nigga, im gonna enlist. but i cant even tell them that because then they may rescrict my only escape from society by warning any future applier about my violent and racist past (all i did was draw a 2cm swastika on a crackers paper as a joke and he got me in a FUCKING anti terrorism program.) i wish i could just lay down and rot, but school exists, and if i dont go to school? i get in trouble and i have to speak to my fuckass parents, id rather run a family over than speak with them (they arent my biological parents ofc) even my biological family sees me as some uncontrollable monster all because i accidently broke one of my cousins things, imagine that, your own family thinking of you like that. if only my fucking idiot mother didnt feed me processed, maybe then i wouldnt have ended up this fucked up. i dream of living in the wilderness of nature, all by my self, hunting my own food, females? i dont even see losing my virginity as a goal anymore because its unrealistic for me, ive come through 15 years just to end up here, and it will never get any better, hopefully the world ends tomorrow and i could finally have some peace and quiet
