Life just isn’t enjoyable as an adult

[Deleted member 24589]

The existential terror I live with as a failure and burden is paramount.

 

[Deleted member 24589]

when i was a kid copes were new to me and so much more fun

 

[Mr Test]

Drink beer

 

[Deleted member 24589]

Drink beer

Cant im on schizo meds

 

[Deleted member 14624]

 

[Deleted member 16501]

What makes you think you've reached adulthood?

Do you honestly think you have the emotional maturity of an adult? Of someone who can have a family, be in control of family finance, be relied upon in a time of crisis?

"existential terror" is something a boy feels, not an adult.

 

[Deleted member 16501]

when i was a kid copes were new to me and so much more fun

Sounds like you're still a kid. But now there's a part of you coming out saying "stop with the copes, stop being a fucking child, time to face some hard realities and face yourself"

you can't run anymore

 

[Deleted member 24589]

What makes you think you've reached adulthood?

Do you honestly think you have the emotional maturity of an adult? Of someone who can have a family, be in control of family finance, be relied upon in a time of crisis?

"existential terror" is something a boy feels, not an adult.

I have family history of mental conditions, wasnt my choice to be born this way dumbass. My moms brother has paranoid schizophrenia and my grandad has ocd

 

[Deleted member 16501]

I have family history of mental conditions, wasnt my choice to be born this way dumbass. My moms brother has paranoid schizophrenia and my grandad has ocd

So do I. And addictions.

Doesn't mean you'll be exactly like them.

 

[Deleted member 24589]

So do I. And addictions.

Doesn't mean you'll be exactly like them.

Some ppl are dealt shitty cards in life and no amount of support or toxic positivity will change it.

 

[Deleted member 16501]

Some ppl are dealt shitty cards in life and no amount of support or toxic positivity will change it.

tell me your cards then?

were you born in a little village in africa with no food?

were you molested regularly as a kid?

do you have no parents or siblings who you talk to?

 

[Deleted member 24589]

tell me your cards then?

were you born in a little village in africa with no food?

were you molested regularly as a kid?

do you have no parents or siblings who you talk to?

I was molested and emotionally abused as a kid. Nobody to talk to at school. Witnessed my neighbour hanging himself on the front yard walnutree when i was 5. Been thinking of hanging myself since 7

 

[SwissArms]

18 years old still a kid you have zero life experience.

 

[Deleted member 24589]

tell me your cards then?

were you born in a little village in africa with no food?

were you molested regularly as a kid?

do you have no parents or siblings who you talk to?

My own mother says i use my trauma as an excuse, how heartless can u be?

 

[Deleted member 24589]

18 years old still a kid you have zero life experience.

I was robbed of a “life experience”

 

[SwissArms]

I was robbed of a “life experience”

My 18th Birthday was fucking miserable. Life was so shit, I thought it was hopeless etc 4 years later my life has drastically improved. Enjoy being miserable if you take on a victim based mentality "muh mental health" nobody cares about you, nobody on this forum, your family ,you only you can change your life.

 

[Deleted member 16501]

I was molested and emotionally abused as a kid. Nobody to talk to at school. Witnessed my neighbour hanging himself on the front yard walnutree when i was 5. Been thinking of hanging myself since 7

Wow, those are some harsh cards. I'm sure you were terrified as a kid witnessing that.
You likely disowned a lot of yourself, and chose not to properly feel, in order to do what you had to do to survive.

You are a survivor. Most people wouldn't have survived those things. You are very strong for going through all that and still being here. Last thing I would call you is a failure.

You probably don't believe it, but there is a way to deal with this trauma, to start to release it, and get your real self back- who you were before all this happened.

I was suicidal and psychotic exactly 10 years ago...literally banging on the door of a mental hospital in my city at 4 am, begging them to let me in, because I didn't think I'd make the night without killing myself.

There was some serious terror going on in me, serious trauma. It's been a long journey to dealing with it, but it's possible. I'm the happiest I've been now, since 2009.

If you want to know more, let me know.

 

[Deleted member 16501]

I was robbed of a “life experience”

I have a cousin who was beaten senseless by his pscyhotic father for the first 20 years of his life. I'm talking the guy was a psychopath and should be in jail. Sadistic.

He was a defeated man at 19. Was broken inside.

He's a millionaire now in Sydney at 35. He had a terrible life first 20 years, but the next 15 he's made the most of it.

 

[Deleted member 24589]

Wow, those are some harsh cards. I'm sure you were terrified as a kid witnessing that.
You likely disowned a lot of yourself, and chose not to properly feel, in order to do what you had to do to survive.

You are a survivor. Most people wouldn't have survived those things. You are very strong for going through all that and still being here. Last thing I would call you is a failure.

You probably don't believe it, but there is a way to deal with this trauma, to start to release it, and get your real self back- who you were before all this happened.

I was suicidal and psychotic exactly 10 years ago...literally banging on the door of a mental hospital in my city at 4 am, begging them to let me in, because I didn't think I'd make the night without killing myself.

There was some serious terror going on in me, serious trauma. It's been a long journey to dealing with it, but it's possible. I'm the happiest I've been now, since 2009.

If you want to know more, let me know.

I think trauma is too brutal for me to live with, im too weak emotionally and on edge

 

[Deleted member 16501]

My own mother says i use my trauma as an excuse, how heartless can u be?

One thing I learned in rehab 2013, was that parents can be so flawed. As kids, we want to see them as gods who know everything. But they are just as defective and flawed as everyone else. They told us in rehab to 'disown' your parents for some time. Stop listening to their authority. They are wounded human beings themselves.

 

[Deleted member 16501]

I think trauma is too brutal for me to live with, im too weak emotionally and on edge

I was like that for years. I literally couldn't see a path forward. Thought about suicide many times.

I coped as much as I could, and slowly gained knowledge and worked on myself

Just try find little things every day that make you happy.

If you want some resources (books, youtube videos) that helped me, let me know.

 

[Deleted member 24589]

One thing I learned in rehab 2013, was that parents can be so flawed. As kids, we want to see them as gods who know everything. But they are just as defective and flawed as everyone else. They told us in rehab to 'disown' your parents for some time. Stop listening to their authority. They are wounded human beings themselves.

I think if i leave my emotionally abusive toxic mom it will be therapeutic for me but at the end of the day i will feel eveb worse with th dread of living on my own and having to be frugal with money coz of bills

 

[Deleted member 16501]

I think if i leave my emotionally abusive toxic mom it will be therapeutic for me but at the end of the day i will feel eveb worse with th dread of living on my own and having to be frugal with money coz of bills

Work up to it. For now just block her out emotionally, work on this vision of where you want to be. When you're strong enough, do it.