Robert E Lee
Zhak'tar al-Droth khair
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2025
- Posts
- 222
- Reputation
- 278
Background song
Poojita was born in a small Indian town, emerging from the womb approximately 45 seconds after her twin brother, Brajesh — a delay her family later attributed to "laziness in the soul."
Though genetically identical, nature played a cruel joke. Brajesh came out with an IQ of 142 and a habit of solving Sudoku puzzles at age 4. Poojita, on the other hand, resembled Mindy Kaling with the work ethic of a sedated sloth. Not unattractive, but in the way a side character in a CW show is "not unattractive."
In school, Brajesh would top every exam, collect medals like Pokémon cards, and recite Shakespeare for fun. Poojita, however, once wrote "Mitochondria is the powerhouse of Pakistan" in a biology test. Naturally, the family praised Brajesh. But they loved Poojita too — mostly because Indian parents are contractually obligated to love all their children, regardless of academic damage.
Poojita, with the logical reasoning of a wet tissue, concluded the obvious: “They love Brajesh more because he is a BOY.” Not because he reads books while she Googles "how to pass exams without studying."
High school was no better. She had a crush on Rohith — the school’s soccer captain and local Hrithik Roshan knock-off. To everyone's surprise, Rohith said yes to her date request. To no one’s surprise, he ghosted her three days later when his options reloaded.
Heartbroken and unable to self-reflect, she went nuclear.
"INDIAN MEN HATE DARK GIRLS," she declared, even though her skin tone matched her brother’s — whom she now bullied daily.
“Ugly, dark, and short,” she’d call him — seemingly unaware she was describing her own reflection with male eyebrows.
They moved to the U.S. right before college. Brajesh, being a functioning human, joined a top university. Poojita enrolled in a community college with a 73% dropout rate and blamed it on "emotional trauma caused by patriarchy."
Her hobbies now included watching sitcoms on Netflix , crushing on white male heroes and tweeting things like:
“Brown men are the worst. Jon from Brooklyn would never cheat.”
Jon, of course, was a 32-year-old SoundCloud rapper with two DUIs and an ankle monitor. She married him anyway.
He later ran off with her AirPods and her last two Xanax.
Meanwhile, Brajesh graduated, landed a six-figure job, and married a fellow Indian — one who didn’t tweet in lowercase performative feminism.
Today, Poojita works four minimum-wage jobs, can’t finish a degree, and eats cold pizza slices behind a gas station. Yet, her X (Twitter) remains active:
“My family ruined me. Indian men ruined me. India ruined me. #selflove #resist”
Her pinned tweet says:
“All colors are beautiful.”
Underneath it, a selfie with 9 filters, and “looking for a real man
Poojita was born in a small Indian town, emerging from the womb approximately 45 seconds after her twin brother, Brajesh — a delay her family later attributed to "laziness in the soul."
Though genetically identical, nature played a cruel joke. Brajesh came out with an IQ of 142 and a habit of solving Sudoku puzzles at age 4. Poojita, on the other hand, resembled Mindy Kaling with the work ethic of a sedated sloth. Not unattractive, but in the way a side character in a CW show is "not unattractive."
In school, Brajesh would top every exam, collect medals like Pokémon cards, and recite Shakespeare for fun. Poojita, however, once wrote "Mitochondria is the powerhouse of Pakistan" in a biology test. Naturally, the family praised Brajesh. But they loved Poojita too — mostly because Indian parents are contractually obligated to love all their children, regardless of academic damage.
Poojita, with the logical reasoning of a wet tissue, concluded the obvious: “They love Brajesh more because he is a BOY.” Not because he reads books while she Googles "how to pass exams without studying."
High school was no better. She had a crush on Rohith — the school’s soccer captain and local Hrithik Roshan knock-off. To everyone's surprise, Rohith said yes to her date request. To no one’s surprise, he ghosted her three days later when his options reloaded.
Heartbroken and unable to self-reflect, she went nuclear.
"INDIAN MEN HATE DARK GIRLS," she declared, even though her skin tone matched her brother’s — whom she now bullied daily.
“Ugly, dark, and short,” she’d call him — seemingly unaware she was describing her own reflection with male eyebrows.
They moved to the U.S. right before college. Brajesh, being a functioning human, joined a top university. Poojita enrolled in a community college with a 73% dropout rate and blamed it on "emotional trauma caused by patriarchy."
Her hobbies now included watching sitcoms on Netflix , crushing on white male heroes and tweeting things like:
“Brown men are the worst. Jon from Brooklyn would never cheat.”
Jon, of course, was a 32-year-old SoundCloud rapper with two DUIs and an ankle monitor. She married him anyway.
He later ran off with her AirPods and her last two Xanax.
Meanwhile, Brajesh graduated, landed a six-figure job, and married a fellow Indian — one who didn’t tweet in lowercase performative feminism.
Today, Poojita works four minimum-wage jobs, can’t finish a degree, and eats cold pizza slices behind a gas station. Yet, her X (Twitter) remains active:
“My family ruined me. Indian men ruined me. India ruined me. #selflove #resist”
Her pinned tweet says:
“All colors are beautiful.”
Underneath it, a selfie with 9 filters, and “looking for a real man
