Life rant

[Prøphet]

I grew up in a house of neglect and anger

As a kid felt so overcome with tension and fear as a result, I would puke every morning before school

Also grew up very ugly, recessed chin, and a really noticeable lazy eye for my whole life

Bullied and excluded because of my ND mannerisms and the things above

At 12 I gave up on myself and began to rot on the internet in total isolation

I didn’t know it but it was all a cheap attempt to escape everything wrong in my life

It got a little better my first year of high school but by sophomore year I was back to being a shell of myself after realizing my fake friends just saw me as a jester

Everyone seemed to hate me for the way I was

Now I’m back to living in escapism

The depression became very bad when I started balding at 16 years old because I knew what my future would look like if I got even uglier

Ever since I’m in a horrible rut

I still have somatic anxiety all the time ruining my gut health feel like shit always in panic extremely sore muscles and stomach from tension

I hate watching myself make the same mistake over and over and over again

I want to be free

 

[Prøphet]

Lost time can never be reclaimed

I just keep watching the fear slowly decay into regret

I watch as I miss more and more milestones that should be happening

In a prison of my own mind / circumstances

Nothing ever seems to change because I can’t change

 

[crazyguy]

Lost time can never be reclaimed

I just keep watching the fear slowly decay into regret

I watch as I miss more and more milestones that should be happening

In a prison of my own mind / circumstances

Nothing ever seems to change because I can’t change

how old are u again
i forgot

 

[Prøphet]

how old are u again
i forgot

18

 

[romanstock]

Nothing wrong with escapism. Embrace it and completely escape.

 

[Prøphet]

Nothing wrong with escapism. Embrace it and completely escape.

Life always catches up

When I think about it I would rather suffer for something real than bathe in the pleasure of something meaningless

I wish I could align my reality with my thoughts but it’s like I can’t muster the strength to do anything whatsoever

 

[romanstock]

Life always catches up

When I think about it I would rather die a real death than live a fake life

I wish I could align my reality with my thoughts but it’s like I can’t muster the strength to do anything whatsoever

Real life will always suck if you're subhuman. No point engaging in it.

 

[crazyguy]

18

we're in the same age range
the way time passes is killing me inside

 

[Prøphet]

Real life will always suck if you're subhuman. No point engaging in it.

There’s a path where I work hard for enough surgery to make form new positive experiences and get my life somewhat on track, work hard to make everything right and redeem myself

I’m just too weak to go and take it

I need to make myself stronger but it’s like I can’t because all Ive ever known is weakness

 

[Prøphet]

we're in the same age range
the way time passes is killing me inside

Man I literally can’t take it anymore lately, just watching the time go by surrendering to fear, it genuinely gives me more anxiety these days watching my time slowly run out than if I were to go and try to fix things probably

 

[crazyguy]

Man I literally can’t take it anymore lately, just watching the time go by surrendering to fear, it genuinely gives me more anxiety these days watching my time slowly run out than if I were to go and try to fix things probably

im close to my 18th birthday
it deadass feels like my heart is getting crushed
i cant imagine being 20+

 

[Prøphet]

im close to my 18th birthday
it deadass feels like my heart is getting crushed
i cant imagine being 20+

Do you have any specific regrets? Or just in general it’s like time is moving too fast?

 

[SamMar]

your life is still just starting, you are young, you can still escape that

 

[crazyguy]

Do you have any specific regrets? Or just in general it’s like time is moving too fast?

i dont have actual real regrets that keep me awake at night
its just feels bad to know ur gonna age, and inevitably lose everything

 

[subtierjester]

Dnr sorry

 

[Prøphet]

Dnr sorry

I forgive you…

 

[jozsef316@gmail]

really noticeable lazy eye

 

[Prøphet]

@jozsef316@gmail Stop barking at me cocky

 

[lowdimotrucel]

I grew up in a house of neglect and anger

As a kid felt so overcome with tension and fear as a result, I would puke every morning before school

Also grew up very ugly, recessed chin, and a really noticeable lazy eye for my whole life

Bullied and excluded because of my ND mannerisms and the things above

At 12 I gave up on myself and began to rot on the internet in total isolation

I didn’t know it but it was all a cheap attempt to escape everything wrong in my life

It got a little better my first year of high school but by sophomore year I was back to being a shell of myself after realizing my fake friends just saw me as a jester

Everyone seemed to hate me for the way I was

Now I’m back to living in escapism

The depression became very bad when I started balding at 16 years old because I knew what my future would look like if I got even uglier

Ever since I’m in a horrible rut

I still have somatic anxiety all the time ruining my gut health feel like shit always in panic extremely sore muscles and stomach from tension

I hate watching myself make the same mistake over and over and over again

I want to be free

oral minoxidol bro and get a genioplasty if u feeling baller

 

[satangoy]

ur one relatable ass mf though it's not over when it comes too your looks aspects, the only thing that'll stay with you forever is the neurodivergency

 

[satangoy]

i believe in you brother i admire you as a person very much, stay strong you WILL recover your feeling of freedom

 

[tansel]

sorry man

how was the hair loss today

& have u contacted an orthodontist

 

[Prøphet]

sorry man

how was the hair loss today

& have u contacted an orthodontist

Same shit

Nah I’m seeing my dentist next month I’m gonna ask him to refer me

Yo when is your surgery again btw?

 

[tansel]

Same shit

Nah I’m seeing my dentist next month I’m gonna ask him to refer me

Yo when is your surgery again btw?

going to turkey on the 1st

consultation on the 4th

so like 1-2 weeks lol

& why do u have to wait a month dude juse go see an orthodontist now lol

 

[Prøphet]

going to turkey on the 1st

consultation on the 4th

so like 1-2 weeks lol

& why do u have to wait a month dude juse go see an orthodontist now lol

Shit I’m still trying to figure out how to work with my insurance I’m still researching

Mirin I didn’t realize it’s that soon for you

Are you excited?

 

[tansel]

Shit I’m still trying to figure out how to work with my insurance I’m still researching

dude are ur parents not involved lol

Are you excited?

yeah kinda but i’m gonna be recovering alone so the recovery is gonna be brutal

 

[Prøphet]

dude are ur parents not involved lol


yeah kinda but i’m gonna be recovering alone so the recovery is gonna be brutal

No bro I haven’t even told them yet

Cause they’re already paying for my lazy eye surgery I don’t want them to think I’m getting greedy or whatever

Yeah I heard some people going abroad hire home nurses to take care of them for a few days might wanna look into that

 

[tansel]

I don’t want them to think I’m getting greedy or whatever

buddy how is it greedy to fix a skeletal malocclusion lol

might wanna look into that

it’s not like limb lengthening dude lol

 

[Prøphet]

buddy how is it greedy to fix a skeletal malocclusion lol


it’s not like limb lengthening dude lol

I’m sure they’ll try to gaslight me still

Yeah ik but it does sound pretty hardcore to normies

 

[Matrix88]

Also grew up very ugly, recessed chin, and a really noticeable lazy eye for my whole life

Bullied and excluded because of my ND mannerisms and the things above

The depression became very bad when I started balding at 16 years old because I knew what my future would look like if I got even uglier

Wtf you are so similar to me is very crazy

I'm so sorry for you brother, I hope you don't lose motivation to live life

 

[tansel]

Yeah ik but it does sound pretty hardcore to normies

yeah man but i mean people travel overseas for jaw surgery solo all the time & they can handle it lol it’s just more difficult

I’m sure they’ll try to gaslight me still

i mean ur gonna have to tell them one day dude planning for jaw surgery isn’t something u can hide lol

 

[Matrix88]

Cause they’re already paying for my lazy eye surgery I don’t want them to think I’m getting greedy or whatever

Ptosis surgery? I need it but I'm embarrassed to tell my mom about it. She knows I'm depressed and will probably tell me how I'll become addicted to surgery lol

 

[Prøphet]

Ptosis surgery? I need it but I'm embarrassed to tell my mom about it. She knows I'm depressed and will probably tell me how I'll become addicted to surgery lol

No like the actual muscles behind my eyeball

Yeah I’m lucky my mom understands how badly I need this because of how bad it looks, but it’ll definitely be a struggle convincing my family about any other surgery

But like the other guy says fuck it you have one life there’s no time to dent yourself of what you know you need to succeed

 

[Matrix88]

There’s a path where I work hard for enough surgery to make form new positive experiences and get my life somewhat on track, work hard to make everything right and redeem myself

I’m just too weak to go and take it

I need to make myself stronger but it’s like I can’t because all Ive ever known is weakness

It's just so much effort that may never even pay back

Lost time can never be reclaimed

I just keep watching the fear slowly decay into regret

I watch as I miss more and more milestones that should be happening

In a prison of my own mind / circumstances

Nothing ever seems to change because I can’t change

That is one of my biggest fears ever. I've truly felt like letting go and being a total loser, since I've considered how I'll never ever experience the same as a regular gl dude.

Just knowing there's so much to do because "your life just started" is very depressing. But thinking about that future in where you were totally lazy and gave up is ALSO depressing af

 

[Matrix88]

No like the actual muscles behind my eyeball

That is ptosis surgery fix