Cyframe
Gold
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2024
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Reality is taking a toll on me. Although, I am treating it with a degree of stoicism as there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I suppose in this thread, i will just let myself be heard.
I look very average from where I come from. I don't stand out at all. It just so frustrating seeing your friends who are better looking than you, get the attention and reputation that you want. I want the best for them and I would never trade my mediocrity for their greatness at their expense, however my mind can't stop thinking about this.
I try really hard at being funny, kind, caring. Remembering birthdays and always showing up for people. But I still get out-performed by my friends who just smile and talk to someone for 5-10 minutes.
One of the most brutal black-pills was during Christmas time. I was editing an audio clip alongside my friend, who is the best-looking guy at out high-school. Girls flock to him, to the point that it's awkward to be around him. I look at the ceiling during recess while they 'bully' him and smack him.
This was round about the time I finally had something close to my first romantic experience. Previous ones were 2 girls who liked me, but they were LTB's.
This was with a friend of mine, she is really pretty. Probably the prettiest or second prettiest girl at our high-school.
I spent months talking to her. Literally had a notepad where I wrote down everything that she had coming up so that I could wish her luck, or show that I care. Eventually, this did work and around September time she was into me for a bit. Didn't last long though, she then began being super dry. I hoped she was busy.
But I had a look at my friends phone, and guess what I see. 4+ new messages on instagram, he responded to it quickly before getting back to his work. I could hear the notifications going insane. Mind you, my friend has a girlfriend and this girl see's him a 'brother' because of his looks halo.
Despite how hard I tried. If I don't text her first, she never texts me back. It's been a month or so since we last talked. She's moved on, probably going to get with a good looking guy. I'm cursing myself because I got super attached, I dream of her.
There is also the IQpill. I'm around average IQ, which is terrible because the only cope that satisfies me is gaining a high-status job or doing something complex instead of rotting. My conscientiousness sucks, didn't study for my entrance tests for college because of mental health and laziness. I might have to take a gap-year.
The only real way out I see over here is studying for an exam that will get me into a high-status government job from now in order to get a head-start. While figuring out a way to amass enough money to fund a rhino + under-eye filler + bleaching. I can get my mother fund MSE for now.
The probabilities of this working out is so low. I need to get within the top 100 of the government exam, with my average IQ which I'm attempting to optimize. While having to make money during prep time, because the job won't pay much. I picked humanities (pol science, philosophy, history) as my area of focus, so it really is life or death. If I don't get that job, I'll live a depressing existence.
I'm withdrawing from my friends currently. I haven't been talking to anybody, just alone. Trying to get myself ready for 3-4 years of hard-work, without which my life is effectively over.
I suppose in this thread, i will just let myself be heard.
I look very average from where I come from. I don't stand out at all. It just so frustrating seeing your friends who are better looking than you, get the attention and reputation that you want. I want the best for them and I would never trade my mediocrity for their greatness at their expense, however my mind can't stop thinking about this.
I try really hard at being funny, kind, caring. Remembering birthdays and always showing up for people. But I still get out-performed by my friends who just smile and talk to someone for 5-10 minutes.
One of the most brutal black-pills was during Christmas time. I was editing an audio clip alongside my friend, who is the best-looking guy at out high-school. Girls flock to him, to the point that it's awkward to be around him. I look at the ceiling during recess while they 'bully' him and smack him.
This was round about the time I finally had something close to my first romantic experience. Previous ones were 2 girls who liked me, but they were LTB's.
This was with a friend of mine, she is really pretty. Probably the prettiest or second prettiest girl at our high-school.
I spent months talking to her. Literally had a notepad where I wrote down everything that she had coming up so that I could wish her luck, or show that I care. Eventually, this did work and around September time she was into me for a bit. Didn't last long though, she then began being super dry. I hoped she was busy.
But I had a look at my friends phone, and guess what I see. 4+ new messages on instagram, he responded to it quickly before getting back to his work. I could hear the notifications going insane. Mind you, my friend has a girlfriend and this girl see's him a 'brother' because of his looks halo.
Despite how hard I tried. If I don't text her first, she never texts me back. It's been a month or so since we last talked. She's moved on, probably going to get with a good looking guy. I'm cursing myself because I got super attached, I dream of her.
There is also the IQpill. I'm around average IQ, which is terrible because the only cope that satisfies me is gaining a high-status job or doing something complex instead of rotting. My conscientiousness sucks, didn't study for my entrance tests for college because of mental health and laziness. I might have to take a gap-year.
The only real way out I see over here is studying for an exam that will get me into a high-status government job from now in order to get a head-start. While figuring out a way to amass enough money to fund a rhino + under-eye filler + bleaching. I can get my mother fund MSE for now.
The probabilities of this working out is so low. I need to get within the top 100 of the government exam, with my average IQ which I'm attempting to optimize. While having to make money during prep time, because the job won't pay much. I picked humanities (pol science, philosophy, history) as my area of focus, so it really is life or death. If I don't get that job, I'll live a depressing existence.
I'm withdrawing from my friends currently. I haven't been talking to anybody, just alone. Trying to get myself ready for 3-4 years of hard-work, without which my life is effectively over.
