D
d4z
Iron
- Joined
- Aug 24, 2026
- Posts
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LIFE UPDATE #1
9/3/2026
w1
My life:
mentally phisically, where i'm at.
18 5'10 156lbs 19% bf HLTN - all around average in most regards with prob slightly higher IQ
-178cm-71.5kg-
0 female interaction, pretty much the bare minimum, family and school, never flirted, never had female friends never hugged a female that was not part of my family
Undiagnosed asd, lot of the symptoms, gemini confirmed I 100% have autism
I have 0 people that I can call a friend, I have school friends, people I say hello to, no one to talk to outside that
I hate feeling bad for myself and I do it every single day hours on end I keep dreaming about a different life, I have to lie to myself to be able to fall asleep, I have nothing to show for my age all I do is stay at home and I don't even know what I do, I've been trying to day trade for 3 and a half years by now, but no results yet, i keep closer and further at the same time.
I'm barely trying, most of the day I procrastinate and just scroll or do random bullshit, I am deeply undisciplined and truly have nothing, I am nothing and I am so disappointed in myself, yet I do nothing to change it.
I workout, Ive been working out for 3 years and 3 months "consistently." I've had ups and downs, gym or home workouts. 12 months ago I got a squat rack and a bench to avoid interacting with people in the gym. I bench 120kg/265lbs comp standard with 130kg being my all time ego bench best, ive failed 140kg over 10 times like an idiot, i have no chance of benching it.
Ive been so undisciplined with the gym too and losing weight, I do no cardio no nothing and just stop eating and barely train. When bulking I would bench 5-6 times a week like an idiot and train hours and hours
Last year in August I was 62kg/136lbs; I quickly gained 23kg naturally (mostly fat) and created stretch marks all over my biceps, triceps and shoulders
and for no reason as now I have below 15inch biceps
62kg->80kg->70kg->85kg->72kg->78kg->71.5kg
all in 12 months with a retarded mentality, stupid training program, no diet
I have pubertal gyno, my biggest insecurity
I have had back acne since starting to train
I have had bad facial acne for years
recently getting better
I wanted to take steroids
I still do
I ordered from grey market
But I was retarded and got nothing
I would be 3 months in by now, life would have been very different
Nothing ever went well for me, I have low test - 472ng/dl - Ive always been a bitch never took a real decision never was sure of everything always overthought so stupid and autistic
I am a late bloomer+high aromatizer+low test
for 2 years ive been dreaming of starting a cycle it broke me when I failed
Now I have to wait to make money before another order
Trading:
What actually matters is that I find a way to generate a consistent income.
Current:
1 passed funded 5k account with Aquafunded
20+ blowned accounts over the years
I passed 3 accounts total
one I blew on day one
one I didn't even get to trade as I had no way to verify acc being 17 (I paid 20$ js to lose 1 month of work and another 20$ for the account)
Everything has been going VERY bad
as a whole
nothing has gone well
My trading was bad too
early on I chose a very retarded style of scalping on very low tfs
HFT almost
I trade 15 sec chart most times
regardless, I will try to make it better soon and will update
GYM:
I've already gone over progress and where i am at but i do want to hop on soon
base would be 250-300 test + ancils, nolva aromasin/arimidex on hand
unsure for more considering slin + wtv I can afoard
I mostly want to see the body response early that is why i wanted to start a mid cycle early and than blast when ik how i respond to at least test
possible broke blast
Test 250mg weekly
Anadrol 50mg daily (6 weeks on 2 off)
Equipoise 200mg
Insulin , Humalog or NovolinR - 10iu (100g carbs pre , 50g carbs intra).
still uncertain tho
I would like to order once i have 1k$ to spend so I can buy oils to have on hand to start on week 4 week 8 week 12 or whatever
So now i have an averrage build okish insertions and strenght genetics possibly above averrage
narrow frame bidelt around 19 inch now but my frame has been soo narrow in my early teenagehood (verry bad)
will see how this goes as now i am just cutting trying to get under 15% bf and than lean bulk and healthmaxx for my brain to function well at least
main goal is just making money rn
I will be doing weekly updates on how life goes and than possibly posting stories/memories
9/3/2026
w1
My life:
mentally phisically, where i'm at.
18 5'10 156lbs 19% bf HLTN - all around average in most regards with prob slightly higher IQ
-178cm-71.5kg-
0 female interaction, pretty much the bare minimum, family and school, never flirted, never had female friends never hugged a female that was not part of my family
Undiagnosed asd, lot of the symptoms, gemini confirmed I 100% have autism
I have 0 people that I can call a friend, I have school friends, people I say hello to, no one to talk to outside that
I hate feeling bad for myself and I do it every single day hours on end I keep dreaming about a different life, I have to lie to myself to be able to fall asleep, I have nothing to show for my age all I do is stay at home and I don't even know what I do, I've been trying to day trade for 3 and a half years by now, but no results yet, i keep closer and further at the same time.
I'm barely trying, most of the day I procrastinate and just scroll or do random bullshit, I am deeply undisciplined and truly have nothing, I am nothing and I am so disappointed in myself, yet I do nothing to change it.
I workout, Ive been working out for 3 years and 3 months "consistently." I've had ups and downs, gym or home workouts. 12 months ago I got a squat rack and a bench to avoid interacting with people in the gym. I bench 120kg/265lbs comp standard with 130kg being my all time ego bench best, ive failed 140kg over 10 times like an idiot, i have no chance of benching it.
Ive been so undisciplined with the gym too and losing weight, I do no cardio no nothing and just stop eating and barely train. When bulking I would bench 5-6 times a week like an idiot and train hours and hours
Last year in August I was 62kg/136lbs; I quickly gained 23kg naturally (mostly fat) and created stretch marks all over my biceps, triceps and shoulders
and for no reason as now I have below 15inch biceps
62kg->80kg->70kg->85kg->72kg->78kg->71.5kg
all in 12 months with a retarded mentality, stupid training program, no diet
I have pubertal gyno, my biggest insecurity
I have had back acne since starting to train
I have had bad facial acne for years
recently getting better
I wanted to take steroids
I still do
I ordered from grey market
But I was retarded and got nothing
I would be 3 months in by now, life would have been very different
Nothing ever went well for me, I have low test - 472ng/dl - Ive always been a bitch never took a real decision never was sure of everything always overthought so stupid and autistic
I am a late bloomer+high aromatizer+low test
for 2 years ive been dreaming of starting a cycle it broke me when I failed
Now I have to wait to make money before another order
Trading:
What actually matters is that I find a way to generate a consistent income.
Current:
1 passed funded 5k account with Aquafunded
20+ blowned accounts over the years
I passed 3 accounts total
one I blew on day one
one I didn't even get to trade as I had no way to verify acc being 17 (I paid 20$ js to lose 1 month of work and another 20$ for the account)
Everything has been going VERY bad
as a whole
nothing has gone well
My trading was bad too
early on I chose a very retarded style of scalping on very low tfs
HFT almost
I trade 15 sec chart most times
regardless, I will try to make it better soon and will update
GYM:
I've already gone over progress and where i am at but i do want to hop on soon
base would be 250-300 test + ancils, nolva aromasin/arimidex on hand
unsure for more considering slin + wtv I can afoard
I mostly want to see the body response early that is why i wanted to start a mid cycle early and than blast when ik how i respond to at least test
possible broke blast
Test 250mg weekly
Anadrol 50mg daily (6 weeks on 2 off)
Equipoise 200mg
Insulin , Humalog or NovolinR - 10iu (100g carbs pre , 50g carbs intra).
still uncertain tho
I would like to order once i have 1k$ to spend so I can buy oils to have on hand to start on week 4 week 8 week 12 or whatever
So now i have an averrage build okish insertions and strenght genetics possibly above averrage
narrow frame bidelt around 19 inch now but my frame has been soo narrow in my early teenagehood (verry bad)
will see how this goes as now i am just cutting trying to get under 15% bf and than lean bulk and healthmaxx for my brain to function well at least
main goal is just making money rn
I will be doing weekly updates on how life goes and than possibly posting stories/memories
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ive only ever wanted to be loved and appriciated, ive wanted to be seen and I wanted people to listen to me, my grandma is the only one who tells me she loves me but it's so hard to believe that when I truly hate myself, it's .... for next time
