Mediocrity scares me.

[sarmatian]

Yesterday I went out with my friends. I drank a beer, ate a nice burger and smoked a joint before going home. The part that made me nervous and dreadful was, when I was at the pub, I saw this couple.

They were mediocre, the girl was not all that and the guy was this nerdy, shy fellow. They made me feel so much dread and fear. Like, they looked like they didn't even try at being better. While they were sitting at the pub, some people who looked 10 times better, were 10 times richer and 10 times luckier were living the best life they ever could, somewhere in the world.

The couple didn't do anything wrong, I know that. They're probably good people, and I wish them well. However, I just feel empty, because out there in the world there is always someone who IS living life like it's a movie. And they're probably smart, good people, with a good life, supporting family, excellent education and bright future ahead.

I'm tweaking, and I know that. You can't have everything, and the little things do matter. But it feels like I'm just part of the world of someone more important. Like I'm not meant to be here. I'm just wondering, doing things, existing, without really living. While other people, the few lucky ones, get to actually live.

 

[abcd]

I always had this delusional self belief when I was a bit younger (I'm 18 now) that I'm destined to "make it" and like be rich and successful and shit and have this sick life but now I just realise that's partly the brain coping with the likely possibility of just being a mid boring person. I still have confidence that it's gonna work out in the end in life but for example thinking your gonna be rich just cuz when you have no plans and no skills to get there is stupid.