Mor.Kei
Iron
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2026
- Posts
- 35
- Reputation
- 13
Its weird to describe. I mean, im here, talking about such things to strangers on a forum. I feel pretty weird writing this. Embarassed maybe? Thats a way to describe it. It doesnt feel that weird though, like its something you know should embarass you and yet you have repeated it so many times in your head that it doesnt really make you feel much anymore. Not that most of you will read this anyways, i dont really mind you too. I just need to write this because i cant say it.
Well, enough talking about how writing this feels. I wont go into the fucked up things iv had during my childhood that affected my current mental health, obviously. Well, first of all, its kind of like a switch. i usually occupy myself with a lot of things, but when im left alone to think, it always resurfaces. Its not this thing that looms over me at all times, its this thing that resurfaces every time im left in my mind for too long. Iv also noticed that life feels a lot worse. I dont smile as much as i did, i dont have fun as much as i did, its overall a lot more shitty. My default mental state is one that borders on sadness. Or some kind of weird void that feels bad. Not enough that its actually uncomfortable, but enough to ruin most of my time.
My family doesnt know about this. No one does, well, apart the people who actually decided to read this. So anyways, ill probably kill myself in my 20s. Ill give myself some time to see if its still worth living. If i see that life as an adult is even shittier, ill just end it. I mean, what even is good in life? I dont have anything to live for apart for my mother and some friends. Im not even some kind of incel that gets shut off by society, its the opposite really. Thats what i feel most pathetic for. I have things to be proud of, and yet i dont feel like it really matters. My life feels so shallow, and looking at the state of the world, its not one i want to live in. Our government is actively trying to prode our info out and suck us dry for all the money we can produce, the elite of this world are eating babies and engaging in literal phedophilia and yet their still roaming out there, we have been so molded by their vision that the deaths of thousands maybe millions of people are just numbers to us. Even just looking at our economy, man. Is this a world worth living for? If there is a god out there, why has he abandoned us to suffer like this?
And this isnt even the full story since as iv said i have some personal stuff too. So yup, around my 20s ill end my life if i see nothing changes, because currently its not worth living. The only thing that stops me is the success rates. I mean, the only success rate that goes over 50% is burning alive. Do you know how painful that is? To feel your skin, muscles and nerves burn slowly. I guess paying a hitman would work. He shoots me a few times in the head and thats it, 99% success rate. Hard to find, but it would work.
Well anyways, it'll be the same as always, suppress and try to forget to be happier. Im going to sleep now its late as fuck here, thanks for reading this. Or well, not reading this if you didnt.
Well, enough talking about how writing this feels. I wont go into the fucked up things iv had during my childhood that affected my current mental health, obviously. Well, first of all, its kind of like a switch. i usually occupy myself with a lot of things, but when im left alone to think, it always resurfaces. Its not this thing that looms over me at all times, its this thing that resurfaces every time im left in my mind for too long. Iv also noticed that life feels a lot worse. I dont smile as much as i did, i dont have fun as much as i did, its overall a lot more shitty. My default mental state is one that borders on sadness. Or some kind of weird void that feels bad. Not enough that its actually uncomfortable, but enough to ruin most of my time.
My family doesnt know about this. No one does, well, apart the people who actually decided to read this. So anyways, ill probably kill myself in my 20s. Ill give myself some time to see if its still worth living. If i see that life as an adult is even shittier, ill just end it. I mean, what even is good in life? I dont have anything to live for apart for my mother and some friends. Im not even some kind of incel that gets shut off by society, its the opposite really. Thats what i feel most pathetic for. I have things to be proud of, and yet i dont feel like it really matters. My life feels so shallow, and looking at the state of the world, its not one i want to live in. Our government is actively trying to prode our info out and suck us dry for all the money we can produce, the elite of this world are eating babies and engaging in literal phedophilia and yet their still roaming out there, we have been so molded by their vision that the deaths of thousands maybe millions of people are just numbers to us. Even just looking at our economy, man. Is this a world worth living for? If there is a god out there, why has he abandoned us to suffer like this?
And this isnt even the full story since as iv said i have some personal stuff too. So yup, around my 20s ill end my life if i see nothing changes, because currently its not worth living. The only thing that stops me is the success rates. I mean, the only success rate that goes over 50% is burning alive. Do you know how painful that is? To feel your skin, muscles and nerves burn slowly. I guess paying a hitman would work. He shoots me a few times in the head and thats it, 99% success rate. Hard to find, but it would work.
Well anyways, it'll be the same as always, suppress and try to forget to be happier. Im going to sleep now its late as fuck here, thanks for reading this. Or well, not reading this if you didnt.
