eyezen
171cm HTB
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2025
- Posts
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Ngl early 2025 late 2024 i was sad ashit and i genuinely almost killed myself everyday i didnt know if I’ll actually be alive.i believe the only readon i didnt kill myself is cus im not ready to die yet cus im such a shit guy.
Then it started getting better and i felt less of the need to end my life my now i might genuinely kms. I was planning to eat my whole medicine cabinet with all my pearents srong prescriptions but then i read on some guys thread here like the survival rate is so high from it anyway and u will end up with lifeling problems. Im thinking of walking into some cars. I live in a very busy city with lots of shit drivers.
I want to kill myself just cus im so uselss i dont do shit. Im acerage iq and 5 8 when i was ehlla depressed in mid 2024 i didn’t eat shit and lost a bunch of weight before i got suicidal. I was still 5 8 and like 58kg.
Currently i go gym but i dont have time to do cardio everyday and my pearents want me home so i only go 3 4 ish hours a week and dont see much results but thats not important.
I hate myself and thats why i want to end my life. Recently i took a 2 week ban on this forum to study and i didnt study a single word and mow my first test is the day after tmr. This is important tests because i need them to send them as my ucas application for uni. Im so fu king lazy and i cant do shit. I cant stick to a diet i cant break my addictions ive had 7 plus years ive lost so manny good habbits and just been repacing them with bad ones. I skip my skin care cus im lazy and i even skip taking my astmah medicine sometimes and it feels like i cant do what i want to and i just avoid everything
I hade 2 weeks to study for mt test and i avoided it the whole time. I just svoid rvery problem in my life and the just carch up to me. Ive hated myself for a long time. Im such a weird guy no matter how nice i try to be too and i always end up saying some woerd jokes or wtv and people dont respect or like me man and ive got some shit ass acne and cant get my goofy pearents to get me shit but nvm that. Im just yapping on. The point is i want to kill myself becuase i hate the things i do and also hare the things i dont. I feel like becuase of these bad decisions no one really repects me and i dont blame them icl i have no one else to blame them for this. I have have s really bad case of anxiety no one else knows about aswell not even my pearents. When ever exams come around my “asthma ” gets bad and i sturggle to breathe and shit but really i just think its anxiety no one knows tho. In 2025 when i was feeling my peak suicidal i had an attack and the ambulance came and shit. My pearents and ema rhought it was astmah and game me oxgen and all that but ik that wasnt asthma and it was a panic attack becuase i was pannici g so much. It felt like I couldn’t breathe no becuase something wax bocking it but it felt like i was holding my breath and chose to held it even when i didnt want to. It feel like that with everything in my life. Sfterwards i had a few more attacks but icl i just got dnr irl and just had it in my room bymelf just on the floor unable to move no matter how much i wantted to just crying for somereason.
I hate myslef
During my exams i panic alot to i realy need to shit and when i pause mid exam to shit nothing comes out ngl ts mad weird but just happens ngl and i got a few times cus my tummy hurts alot and everyone knows im going so people look at me weird in the exam room and its not good for my social anxiety and my fear of confrontation i also panic and tend to rush even tho i have so much time and that makes me mess up and theres so much shit that happens i could yap another 10 parragraphs but wtv. Also ik i havint even studded for these tests becuase i canf force myself to study
Everytime i study i cant to do it physically. My mind goes blank and i physically cant think this is the worst. This is why i feel like ending myself. Then i have to like reset my brain by eating watching a tv downstairs or showering just to comeback and then avoid my work. Even in the perfect study environment i cant do it. People say the first five mins are the hardest just do that. But i can but after 10 mins i just draw a mental blank and no matter how hard i try i cant get my brain to think about the work. No matter when the exams r and whats going on. Its always been like this. I always have to cheat on hw night before and everything becuase i havnt done it. I feel so lazy and feel like i cant do what i want. I even skip things that i enjoy if they take to long like watching a recap vid for a new anime or even watching my fav show like i love invincible but it even feel like a chore to watch the new episode and i skip it even like jjk and stuff like i love the show i just cant get myself to watch it. Im so lazy and i hate myself. Im going to go to school like normal and look for like a lady on her phone and just quickly jump in front of it like im crossing three senarios. One i die two i go to the hopital where i could die or like stleast miss a test or something or i just get imbarrased cus they break byt i act like im just an irresponsible kid crossing the streeet. I genuinely hate myself selself. I suck i could be so much cooler im genuinely suck fml. I even put of playing my fav games just to start something else ot just do someying midless like go in my garden and kick a ball at a wall for like 20 mins i genuinely such a retared bum chud i actually want to kill myself and i promise if things dont go well these next few days i will kill myself like genuinely fr it feels like torture just to live my life ive dont sh and other retard depessed stuff before and stupid shit back in early 2025 where i almost almost killed myslef. Back in mid 2035 i used to look back and think i was actually a bad day from ending myslef. Somedays in the middle of the night i would get my fat shh downsstairs to the medicine draw and just think about eating it. I should of sone it tho idk i feel like i should of tried to kill myself idk y i could of atleast tied but no too much of a retard to do that too. Brooo idk too much other shit but mman i just flm but genuinely this way of idk i need good ways yo kill myslef and ill try it. Give it a shot i need something easy tho. For the pills idk man uhh no good ways to kill myslef.
During late 2025 ealt 2025 all i could think about was ending mylife every day i thought was the day i was gonna die and i felt it was a pretty good chance. I could cry in class cry in my way home and genuinely the only thing repaeting in my head was i need to kill myslef. Like genuinely im being serious like imthe words would just reapeat over and over and i just felt at for potentialy hours i would think that all day about how i want to doe and cry myslef to sleep and shit. Ten same shit is happening now but not as bad emotionally but the desire and the plausibility and reasonability of killing myself is looking as desirable as ever i just hate myslef. My teachers are expecting me to do good in these exams to and so are my family ii told them i would do good to and i make promises to everyine but judt cheat and lie and i hate that. I hate lying. Im actually gonna make my first attempt on suicide in monday i decided ill just try prolly uncesscuessful but worth a shot. I hml. Dnr stories tales rope
Quick context to my pearents hate my and they only want me to do good in school and go this this or that uni or stv they dont relly care sbout me they make fun of me when i cry or they insult me and say go cry like abitch or wtv but icl i judt dnr them. I tried to get them to help me llooksmax liek shit for s fucking palate exander bucause i need it my tounge is do uncomfortable in my mouth and my bute is so uncomfortable but i told my stuggles to my bum ortho and she said to my dad i got health anxiety and now my prents dont take my heslth serously ethier. I got super shit acne and they wont get me shit just say im exadursting and they just so weird and rude to me in genral. They dgaf sbout me cus they have better kids snd better looking more promising kids so wtv. Also at schhool get semi bullied all the time idk im like everyone punching bag and its like hell wherever i go or wtv. I wanna get a double jaw sugery. I thought ill say that but idk it doesnt matter now cus im gonna kill nyslef but wtv
Icl i also need to clear all my google accounts and log out and hide all ny shit man i dont want anyone finding my org jfl. Also I’ve decided on not writing a note becuade what will i write? And ive got no one to even write to tbh also it might just look like it was an acident also if i end up living it will be embarrassing being confronted with a note or soemthing
Then it started getting better and i felt less of the need to end my life my now i might genuinely kms. I was planning to eat my whole medicine cabinet with all my pearents srong prescriptions but then i read on some guys thread here like the survival rate is so high from it anyway and u will end up with lifeling problems. Im thinking of walking into some cars. I live in a very busy city with lots of shit drivers.
I want to kill myself just cus im so uselss i dont do shit. Im acerage iq and 5 8 when i was ehlla depressed in mid 2024 i didn’t eat shit and lost a bunch of weight before i got suicidal. I was still 5 8 and like 58kg.
Currently i go gym but i dont have time to do cardio everyday and my pearents want me home so i only go 3 4 ish hours a week and dont see much results but thats not important.
I hate myself and thats why i want to end my life. Recently i took a 2 week ban on this forum to study and i didnt study a single word and mow my first test is the day after tmr. This is important tests because i need them to send them as my ucas application for uni. Im so fu king lazy and i cant do shit. I cant stick to a diet i cant break my addictions ive had 7 plus years ive lost so manny good habbits and just been repacing them with bad ones. I skip my skin care cus im lazy and i even skip taking my astmah medicine sometimes and it feels like i cant do what i want to and i just avoid everything
I hade 2 weeks to study for mt test and i avoided it the whole time. I just svoid rvery problem in my life and the just carch up to me. Ive hated myself for a long time. Im such a weird guy no matter how nice i try to be too and i always end up saying some woerd jokes or wtv and people dont respect or like me man and ive got some shit ass acne and cant get my goofy pearents to get me shit but nvm that. Im just yapping on. The point is i want to kill myself becuase i hate the things i do and also hare the things i dont. I feel like becuase of these bad decisions no one really repects me and i dont blame them icl i have no one else to blame them for this. I have have s really bad case of anxiety no one else knows about aswell not even my pearents. When ever exams come around my “asthma ” gets bad and i sturggle to breathe and shit but really i just think its anxiety no one knows tho. In 2025 when i was feeling my peak suicidal i had an attack and the ambulance came and shit. My pearents and ema rhought it was astmah and game me oxgen and all that but ik that wasnt asthma and it was a panic attack becuase i was pannici g so much. It felt like I couldn’t breathe no becuase something wax bocking it but it felt like i was holding my breath and chose to held it even when i didnt want to. It feel like that with everything in my life. Sfterwards i had a few more attacks but icl i just got dnr irl and just had it in my room bymelf just on the floor unable to move no matter how much i wantted to just crying for somereason.
I hate myslef
During my exams i panic alot to i realy need to shit and when i pause mid exam to shit nothing comes out ngl ts mad weird but just happens ngl and i got a few times cus my tummy hurts alot and everyone knows im going so people look at me weird in the exam room and its not good for my social anxiety and my fear of confrontation i also panic and tend to rush even tho i have so much time and that makes me mess up and theres so much shit that happens i could yap another 10 parragraphs but wtv. Also ik i havint even studded for these tests becuase i canf force myself to study
Everytime i study i cant to do it physically. My mind goes blank and i physically cant think this is the worst. This is why i feel like ending myself. Then i have to like reset my brain by eating watching a tv downstairs or showering just to comeback and then avoid my work. Even in the perfect study environment i cant do it. People say the first five mins are the hardest just do that. But i can but after 10 mins i just draw a mental blank and no matter how hard i try i cant get my brain to think about the work. No matter when the exams r and whats going on. Its always been like this. I always have to cheat on hw night before and everything becuase i havnt done it. I feel so lazy and feel like i cant do what i want. I even skip things that i enjoy if they take to long like watching a recap vid for a new anime or even watching my fav show like i love invincible but it even feel like a chore to watch the new episode and i skip it even like jjk and stuff like i love the show i just cant get myself to watch it. Im so lazy and i hate myself. Im going to go to school like normal and look for like a lady on her phone and just quickly jump in front of it like im crossing three senarios. One i die two i go to the hopital where i could die or like stleast miss a test or something or i just get imbarrased cus they break byt i act like im just an irresponsible kid crossing the streeet. I genuinely hate myself selself. I suck i could be so much cooler im genuinely suck fml. I even put of playing my fav games just to start something else ot just do someying midless like go in my garden and kick a ball at a wall for like 20 mins i genuinely such a retared bum chud i actually want to kill myself and i promise if things dont go well these next few days i will kill myself like genuinely fr it feels like torture just to live my life ive dont sh and other retard depessed stuff before and stupid shit back in early 2025 where i almost almost killed myslef. Back in mid 2035 i used to look back and think i was actually a bad day from ending myslef. Somedays in the middle of the night i would get my fat shh downsstairs to the medicine draw and just think about eating it. I should of sone it tho idk i feel like i should of tried to kill myself idk y i could of atleast tied but no too much of a retard to do that too. Brooo idk too much other shit but mman i just flm but genuinely this way of idk i need good ways yo kill myslef and ill try it. Give it a shot i need something easy tho. For the pills idk man uhh no good ways to kill myslef.
During late 2025 ealt 2025 all i could think about was ending mylife every day i thought was the day i was gonna die and i felt it was a pretty good chance. I could cry in class cry in my way home and genuinely the only thing repaeting in my head was i need to kill myslef. Like genuinely im being serious like imthe words would just reapeat over and over and i just felt at for potentialy hours i would think that all day about how i want to doe and cry myslef to sleep and shit. Ten same shit is happening now but not as bad emotionally but the desire and the plausibility and reasonability of killing myself is looking as desirable as ever i just hate myslef. My teachers are expecting me to do good in these exams to and so are my family ii told them i would do good to and i make promises to everyine but judt cheat and lie and i hate that. I hate lying. Im actually gonna make my first attempt on suicide in monday i decided ill just try prolly uncesscuessful but worth a shot. I hml. Dnr stories tales rope
Quick context to my pearents hate my and they only want me to do good in school and go this this or that uni or stv they dont relly care sbout me they make fun of me when i cry or they insult me and say go cry like abitch or wtv but icl i judt dnr them. I tried to get them to help me llooksmax liek shit for s fucking palate exander bucause i need it my tounge is do uncomfortable in my mouth and my bute is so uncomfortable but i told my stuggles to my bum ortho and she said to my dad i got health anxiety and now my prents dont take my heslth serously ethier. I got super shit acne and they wont get me shit just say im exadursting and they just so weird and rude to me in genral. They dgaf sbout me cus they have better kids snd better looking more promising kids so wtv. Also at schhool get semi bullied all the time idk im like everyone punching bag and its like hell wherever i go or wtv. I wanna get a double jaw sugery. I thought ill say that but idk it doesnt matter now cus im gonna kill nyslef but wtv
Icl i also need to clear all my google accounts and log out and hide all ny shit man i dont want anyone finding my org jfl. Also I’ve decided on not writing a note becuade what will i write? And ive got no one to even write to tbh also it might just look like it was an acident also if i end up living it will be embarrassing being confronted with a note or soemthing
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