PumpkinCrane823
chud
- Joined
- Nov 25, 2024
- Posts
- 414
- Reputation
- 394
Disclaimer: this post represents my own personal journey and is in no way a one size fits all solution
1. Where did it begin?
1.1 The blackpill started showing up on my fyp around late 2023, i ignored it at the time and just found the whole associated community kinda cringe. 2024 came around i felt so insignificant compared to my peers so i messaged one of my friends (photo in thread) asking him for some steps on how to 'looksmaxx' well.
1.2 Soon, my friend was pointing me away from the community - warning me of its toxicity but i disregarded his warnings and asked for my first rate on 24/10/24. He concluded i was:
2. I tried it all - icing, gua sha , starving , drinking 7L a day but there was no impact.
2.1 I very quickly realised (after a fleeting, transient relationship during november) that the gym was what would fix my issues and so i decided to join org.
2.2 I was in the gym everyday consistently for almost 2 months - i went from 2kg bicep curl to 12kg, 10kg bench to 35-40kg. There was improvement but i still felt less than and lacking; i discovered the ntpill.
3. I realised that to get anywhere, i had to mask as nt
3.1 I read thread after thread on masking to truely present myself as an nt indivudual but i just couldnt do it. Being diagnosed autisic, i dont share many common interests with my peers meaning i am often socially ostracised for not having connections.
3.2 Around this time (December 2024 - January 2025) i also fell into depression surroundingf the content i was seeing on org - i decided that my looksmaxing journey was going to have to be independnt, for my own mental health.
3.3 I started making new friends after coming off the org and i began enjoying things a bit more but it also had led to a deep cyncialism (which i still find i have today) about female kindness ; i cant differentiate it from affection. This has really negatively impacted me.
3.4 In late janruary, i messaged the same friend who got me into this and he said there were some light changes, bumped me to an lltn. I was lean, strong and academically succeding - i seemed to demonstrate what the org had groomed me to believe a male's perfect charicterists were and so i downloaded some dating apps.
4 Dating apps are evil
4.1 In late januray of 2025, i downloaded some dating apps - looking to practice actually talking to foids as i lacked confidence and understood that if i wanted to get over the just a fren boundary, a sort of SMV (didnt know this term at the time) and allure was required. I practiced mock conversatiions inmy room and discussed with my homeboy how i would go about initiating conversation on topics relevant to modern foids. I seemed rready.
4.2 Early february, after not having gotten a match, this beautiful SEA 5'2 lmtb replies to me. I shower her with attention and affection until she says:
"Im free this weekend, wanna go on a date?"
4.3 im terrified, i agree. i look forward to this date all week and do all the appropriate pre-date procedure for it to then result in me losing trvecel and khhv status, i felt so disgusting only for her to block me a week after.
5 Isolated from society
5.1 I felt isolated and had no-one to turn to regarding my sexual experience, i felt no-one would believe me and so i retreated until august this year.
5.2 I became a social recluse looksmaxing only for my own self confidence through healthy diet, exercise and suffiecnt org scrolling. over summer, granted i spammed the cold approach for fun but i didnt ever develop anything meaningful - this is due to my own lack of effort.
5.3 Ive made friends with some foids but ive understood to never trust one as much as the one back in February as there is no point ; they dont feel empathy for our situation. Its futile.
final advice:
dont leave , stay consistent
tldr;
this community kinda retarded but its nice to have guys who get you bc relationships with women are fickle -
btw u might know me as chud on tiktok idk i edit cities[/SPOILER]
1. Where did it begin?
1.1 The blackpill started showing up on my fyp around late 2023, i ignored it at the time and just found the whole associated community kinda cringe. 2024 came around i felt so insignificant compared to my peers so i messaged one of my friends (photo in thread) asking him for some steps on how to 'looksmaxx' well.
1.2 Soon, my friend was pointing me away from the community - warning me of its toxicity but i disregarded his warnings and asked for my first rate on 24/10/24. He concluded i was:
- Bloated
- Overweight
- Not drinking enough
2. I tried it all - icing, gua sha , starving , drinking 7L a day but there was no impact.
2.1 I very quickly realised (after a fleeting, transient relationship during november) that the gym was what would fix my issues and so i decided to join org.
2.2 I was in the gym everyday consistently for almost 2 months - i went from 2kg bicep curl to 12kg, 10kg bench to 35-40kg. There was improvement but i still felt less than and lacking; i discovered the ntpill.
3. I realised that to get anywhere, i had to mask as nt
3.1 I read thread after thread on masking to truely present myself as an nt indivudual but i just couldnt do it. Being diagnosed autisic, i dont share many common interests with my peers meaning i am often socially ostracised for not having connections.
3.2 Around this time (December 2024 - January 2025) i also fell into depression surroundingf the content i was seeing on org - i decided that my looksmaxing journey was going to have to be independnt, for my own mental health.
3.3 I started making new friends after coming off the org and i began enjoying things a bit more but it also had led to a deep cyncialism (which i still find i have today) about female kindness ; i cant differentiate it from affection. This has really negatively impacted me.
3.4 In late janruary, i messaged the same friend who got me into this and he said there were some light changes, bumped me to an lltn. I was lean, strong and academically succeding - i seemed to demonstrate what the org had groomed me to believe a male's perfect charicterists were and so i downloaded some dating apps.
4 Dating apps are evil
4.1 In late januray of 2025, i downloaded some dating apps - looking to practice actually talking to foids as i lacked confidence and understood that if i wanted to get over the just a fren boundary, a sort of SMV (didnt know this term at the time) and allure was required. I practiced mock conversatiions inmy room and discussed with my homeboy how i would go about initiating conversation on topics relevant to modern foids. I seemed rready.
4.2 Early february, after not having gotten a match, this beautiful SEA 5'2 lmtb replies to me. I shower her with attention and affection until she says:
"Im free this weekend, wanna go on a date?"
4.3 im terrified, i agree. i look forward to this date all week and do all the appropriate pre-date procedure for it to then result in me losing trvecel and khhv status, i felt so disgusting only for her to block me a week after.
5 Isolated from society
5.1 I felt isolated and had no-one to turn to regarding my sexual experience, i felt no-one would believe me and so i retreated until august this year.
5.2 I became a social recluse looksmaxing only for my own self confidence through healthy diet, exercise and suffiecnt org scrolling. over summer, granted i spammed the cold approach for fun but i didnt ever develop anything meaningful - this is due to my own lack of effort.
5.3 Ive made friends with some foids but ive understood to never trust one as much as the one back in February as there is no point ; they dont feel empathy for our situation. Its futile.
final advice:
dont leave , stay consistent
tldr;
this community kinda retarded but its nice to have guys who get you bc relationships with women are fickle -
btw u might know me as chud on tiktok idk i edit cities[/SPOILER]
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