Magical Apple
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- Dec 29, 2021
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met my husband online 6 years ago, and we got married just over 4 years ago. He's very well off, so I moved out of my small apartment into his big house. Neither of us have kids, so it was fun to have the run of the place and decorate it how I wanted. I got to invite my friends over to a nice house, and I felt like I was living a movie life.
Early last year, we got into an argument about him wearing his dirty boots into the kitchen. We have a mudroom, but instead of entering the house through there and taking his boots off he likes to come in the front door and walk all the way to the mudroom to take them off, leaving me to clean up his dirty footprints. When I confronted him about this he said he likes to enter through the front door every time to "experience the entryway" because apparently he really liked that part of the house when he bought it.
I blew up at him the next time he did this, because I thought he would respect me enough to stop doing it. He laughed and said "I'll do whatever I goddamn want in my own house" which really hurt me because I felt that when we got married he was willing to think of what is his as mine as well. I told him this, and he said he was fine with me decorating the house and enjoyed the new look but didn't want me changing things about the way that he lived in it. I told him the way he lived in it had to change, because I lived here now too and the house needed to reflect that. I don't want to invite my friends over to a dirty house with bootprints all over it to drink wine. I also told him that his friends needed to take their shoes off when they come drink and play poker and watch sports, because they always get things dirty too. He got angry at this, and told me that he would continue doing whatever he wanted in the house, even pooping in the shower if he so desired. I told him that if he pooped in the shower on purpose I would leave him.
He started pooping in the shower in the master bathroom that day, and he tells me every time he does it. He laughs when telling me about "waffle stomping" the poop down the drain. He even told me he pooped in the big bathtub in the master bath, but I don't know if he actually did or not. I haven't taken a bath in a year because of this, which I used to really enjoy. When I started using other showers in the house, he started pooping in those as well and telling me about it.
When I threatened to make good on my promise to leave him, he laughed and said "no you won't, you're 44 and unemployed. You won't be able to live in a place like this again." That really hurt, because I haven't felt the need to work since getting married, and he hasn't said anything about it. He seems to be perfectly happy with my cooking and cleaning, and I felt like he was throwing that in my face. Unfortunately he was right, I don't want to leave him or this lifestyle because of this. I don't want to try to date again. I signed a pre-nup before we got married unfortunately, so I would be left with nothing.
About 6 months later, I got angry about him and his friends leaving dishes on the counter instead of putting them in the dishwasher. It doesn't seem like a big deal to put them directly in the dishwasher instead of right above it. He brought up his shower poops in front of all of his friends and told me that now he's going to drink a beer in the shower while pooping and leave a can in there every time he does it. After his friends left, I threatened to stop having sex with him if he doesn't stop. He just laughed again and said he would have sex with other women then. That made me afraid that he would, because he's tall and good looking for his age, and he gets attention from other women and waitresses whenever we go out. Plus I still want to have sex with him.
So for the past six months I've been throwing away beer cans from the shower which reminds me about the pooping, and his friends all know about it and think it's really funny. I would leave the cans in there, but they bother me and they don't bother him at all. We've talked about it a lot of times and he either laughs or ignores me. Every time I want to bring up an issue about the house, I remember that he'll probably add something else.
Would you leave him and start over? Is there any way to get him to stop? Please help, I'm at the end of my wits here.
Edit: Thank you all for the advice and the help, I'm going to talk to him again about it later. It seems like I'll need to take classes to get a job if I decide to leave, so I'll look into those. I'll keep reading the comments later
Early last year, we got into an argument about him wearing his dirty boots into the kitchen. We have a mudroom, but instead of entering the house through there and taking his boots off he likes to come in the front door and walk all the way to the mudroom to take them off, leaving me to clean up his dirty footprints. When I confronted him about this he said he likes to enter through the front door every time to "experience the entryway" because apparently he really liked that part of the house when he bought it.
I blew up at him the next time he did this, because I thought he would respect me enough to stop doing it. He laughed and said "I'll do whatever I goddamn want in my own house" which really hurt me because I felt that when we got married he was willing to think of what is his as mine as well. I told him this, and he said he was fine with me decorating the house and enjoyed the new look but didn't want me changing things about the way that he lived in it. I told him the way he lived in it had to change, because I lived here now too and the house needed to reflect that. I don't want to invite my friends over to a dirty house with bootprints all over it to drink wine. I also told him that his friends needed to take their shoes off when they come drink and play poker and watch sports, because they always get things dirty too. He got angry at this, and told me that he would continue doing whatever he wanted in the house, even pooping in the shower if he so desired. I told him that if he pooped in the shower on purpose I would leave him.
He started pooping in the shower in the master bathroom that day, and he tells me every time he does it. He laughs when telling me about "waffle stomping" the poop down the drain. He even told me he pooped in the big bathtub in the master bath, but I don't know if he actually did or not. I haven't taken a bath in a year because of this, which I used to really enjoy. When I started using other showers in the house, he started pooping in those as well and telling me about it.
When I threatened to make good on my promise to leave him, he laughed and said "no you won't, you're 44 and unemployed. You won't be able to live in a place like this again." That really hurt, because I haven't felt the need to work since getting married, and he hasn't said anything about it. He seems to be perfectly happy with my cooking and cleaning, and I felt like he was throwing that in my face. Unfortunately he was right, I don't want to leave him or this lifestyle because of this. I don't want to try to date again. I signed a pre-nup before we got married unfortunately, so I would be left with nothing.
About 6 months later, I got angry about him and his friends leaving dishes on the counter instead of putting them in the dishwasher. It doesn't seem like a big deal to put them directly in the dishwasher instead of right above it. He brought up his shower poops in front of all of his friends and told me that now he's going to drink a beer in the shower while pooping and leave a can in there every time he does it. After his friends left, I threatened to stop having sex with him if he doesn't stop. He just laughed again and said he would have sex with other women then. That made me afraid that he would, because he's tall and good looking for his age, and he gets attention from other women and waitresses whenever we go out. Plus I still want to have sex with him.
So for the past six months I've been throwing away beer cans from the shower which reminds me about the pooping, and his friends all know about it and think it's really funny. I would leave the cans in there, but they bother me and they don't bother him at all. We've talked about it a lot of times and he either laughs or ignores me. Every time I want to bring up an issue about the house, I remember that he'll probably add something else.
Would you leave him and start over? Is there any way to get him to stop? Please help, I'm at the end of my wits here.
Edit: Thank you all for the advice and the help, I'm going to talk to him again about it later. It seems like I'll need to take classes to get a job if I decide to leave, so I'll look into those. I'll keep reading the comments later
