My brain wiring is so brutal

[luuk]

Theres a strange rigidity to it in that when something important goes wrong I can’t easily adapt/switch plans and just go into cope mode and rot here or doomscroll. Same when I have a big event or plan late in the day, I get nothing done before it I’m just in waiting mode

My life has to have near perfect order for me to function well, when something majorly disturbs it I waste a day or so doing nothing until I can lock in again. Like I can commit to good habits and lock in for a bit and then go out late one night and wake up at 1am with a hangover and a cold and I get absolutely nothing done for the next 3 days. My laptop died yesterday from water damage completely disrupting my plans to study and do some design work and I just woke up late and did nothing all day and now I’m staying up for no reason.

The thing is I can be freakishly productive when my brain behaves. I’ve gotten As on university level engineering exams after genuinely 2 all nighters of studying after procrastinating massively for the whole semester because when I need to lock in I can lock in. But motivation has to be extrinsic, tangible and imminent, my brain doesn’t like delayed gratification, which is a death tier trait as literally everything good requires delayed gratification

I’m so incredibly susceptible to the dopamine traps of the modern world, the fact that they’ve engineered algorithms, food, drugs porn etc to exploit human reward mechanisms so effectively is pure fucking evil and genuinely civilisation ending at its logical conclusion

I need to medicate the shit out of myself but the nanny state doesn’t hand them out easily

 

[888mastermind]

Are you a perfectionist perchance?

 

[Panchitosbroncs]

Theres a strange rigidity to it in that when something important goes wrong I can’t easily adapt/switch plans and just go into cope mode and rot here or doomscroll. Same when I have a big event or plan late in the day, I get nothing done before it I’m just in waiting mode

My life has to have near perfect order for me to function well, when something majorly disturbs it I waste a day or so doing nothing until I can lock in again. Like I can commit to good habits and lock in for a bit and then go out late one night and wake up at 1am with a hangover and a cold and I get absolutely nothing done for the next 3 days. My laptop died yesterday from water damage completely disrupting my plans to study and do some design work and I just woke up late and did nothing all day and now I’m staying up for no reason.

The thing is I can be freakishly productive when my brain behaves. I’ve gotten As on university level engineering exams after genuinely 2 all nighters of studying after procrastinating massively for the whole semester because when I need to lock in I can lock in. But motivation has to be extrinsic, tangible and imminent, my brain doesn’t like delayed gratification, which is a death tier trait as literally everything good requires delayed gratification

I’m so incredibly susceptible to the dopamine traps of the modern world, the fact that they’ve engineered algorithms, food, drugs porn etc to exploit human reward mechanisms so effectively is pure fucking evil and genuinely civilisation ending at its logical conclusion

I need to medicate the shit out of myself but the nanny state doesn’t hand them out easily

Summarize

 

[luuk]

Are you a perfectionist perchance?

Yes definitely

 

[luuk]

Summarize

My brain is rigid as fuck
When something is out of order I just cope
I’m very productive when my brain actually works but it only works when it really needs to
Everything is engineered to make us slaves to dopamine
I need meds

 

[Latinolooksmaxxer]

just leanmaxx bro

 

[Jgns]

Theres a strange rigidity to it in that when something important goes wrong I can’t easily adapt/switch plans and just go into cope mode and rot here or doomscroll. Same when I have a big event or plan late in the day, I get nothing done before it I’m just in waiting mode

My life has to have near perfect order for me to function well, when something majorly disturbs it I waste a day or so doing nothing until I can lock in again. Like I can commit to good habits and lock in for a bit and then go out late one night and wake up at 1am with a hangover and a cold and I get absolutely nothing done for the next 3 days. My laptop died yesterday from water damage completely disrupting my plans to study and do some design work and I just woke up late and did nothing all day and now I’m staying up for no reason.

The thing is I can be freakishly productive when my brain behaves. I’ve gotten As on university level engineering exams after genuinely 2 all nighters of studying after procrastinating massively for the whole semester because when I need to lock in I can lock in. But motivation has to be extrinsic, tangible and imminent, my brain doesn’t like delayed gratification, which is a death tier trait as literally everything good requires delayed gratification

I’m so incredibly susceptible to the dopamine traps of the modern world, the fact that they’ve engineered algorithms, food, drugs porn etc to exploit human reward mechanisms so effectively is pure fucking evil and genuinely civilisation ending at its logical conclusion

I need to medicate the shit out of myself but the nanny state doesn’t hand them out easily

holy fuck u just described me perfectly aswell sometimes i wnna blow my brains out due to the retarded chemistry

 

[Bars]

High iq

 

[lurkerbeserker]

This right here. My potential is incredible and I truly believe in it but the wiring of my brain is very unfortunate. I can’t regulate my intake of social media and other things that give easy gratification and it’s turning me into a dopamine addicted zombie. I have health and my looks and I’m holding on mentally but I need extensive therapy to reverse the amount of brain rot that I’ve consumed to make my brain function normally

 

[tarkdriad33]

autism

 

[luuk]

This right here. My potential is incredible and I truly believe in it but the wiring of my brain is very unfortunate. I can’t regulate my intake of social media and other things that give easy gratification and it’s turning me into a dopamine addicted zombie. I have health and my looks and I’m holding on mentally but I need extensive therapy to reverse the amount of brain rot that I’ve consumed to make my brain function normally

Yeah this is literally me
The people that crafted the attention economy that is stealing the gifted minds of so many people are genuine demons I want to rip mark zuckerberg’s face off myself
And its so omnipresent, you can’t escape it unless you go full Ted K and live in the woods, which at this point sounds like an attractive option

 

[luuk]

holy fuck u just described me perfectly aswell sometimes i wnna blow my brains out due to the retarded chemistry

Has anything helped you at all or are we cooked
I’ve been using modafinil to some limited success but it can also go pretty badly if I get distracted because then I’m just doing some absolute bullshit for like 10 hours
Also tends to descend me a bit I get dry as fuck, don’t eat enough and acne flares up

I need some proper stims but I’m also scared that I’d start abusing them

 

[Jgns]

Has anything helped you at all or are we cooked
I’ve been using modafinil to some limited success but it can also go pretty badly if I get distracted because then I’m just doing some absolute bullshit for like 10 hours
Also tends to descend me a bit I get dry as fuck, don’t eat enough and acne flares up

I need some proper stims but I’m also scared that I’d start abusing them

Im probably the worst person to ask for this tbh and as much as I have to say it nothing has helped me so far other than existential fear due to not completing a uni assignment or such shit. I'm just scrolling the forum hoping someone anyone has the answer to that question but we're definitely underdeveloped in other vectors of life leading us to have horrible long term planning capabilities

 

[Panchitosbroncs]

My brain is rigid as fuck
When something is out of order I just cope
I’m very productive when my brain actually works but it only works when it really needs to
Everything is engineered to make us slaves to dopamine
I need meds

Yeah that's not normal.

 

[Jgns]

In my case it might be my depression thats straight up become dispair thats been following me these past 10 years im unironically hoping hardmaxxing to htn will get rid of alot of those issues though the mental is stupidly much more rigid than the flesh. I cant really feel perfect or good enough to the standards I set for my own flesh and thats holding me back from living life which probably then mirrors into other vectors

 

[lurkerbeserker]

Yeah this is literally me
The people that crafted the attention economy that is stealing the gifted minds of so many people are genuine demons I want to rip mark zuckerberg’s face off myself
And its so omnipresent, you can’t escape it unless you go full Ted K and live in the woods, which at this point sounds like an attractive option

I agree with that sentiment. The people that curated this system and allow it to stay in place are spawns of satan. This piece of shit device I’m typing this from has been deliberately created to make me a dopamine addicted slave and turn my brain into mush. The amount of suffering and time I’ve wasted because of it that I could have been putting into productive things is unfathomable. This is the point though if there was no longer any distractions people would begin to think for themselves and uproot the system that has been effectively enslaving us.

 

[luuk]

Im probably the worst person to ask for this tbh and as much as I have to say it nothing has helped me so far other than existential fear due to not completing a uni assignment or such shit. I'm just scrolling the forum hoping someone anyone has the answer to that question but we're definitely underdeveloped in other vectors of life leading us to have horrible long term planning capabilities

Yeah my motivation is very extrinsic it only really happens when something external pushes me (deadlines, consequences, judgement etc)
Which is a horrible combination with living independently after moving to uni, with the very independent style of work and limited support systems. I just can’t self-impose restraint and discipline no matter what I try it has to be external which you just dont get as an adult

 

[luuk]

I agree with that sentiment. The people that curated this system and allow it to stay in place are spawns of satan. This piece of shit device I’m typing this from has been deliberately created to make me a dopamine addicted slave and turn my brain into mush. The amount of suffering and time I’ve wasted because of it that I could have been putting into productive things is unfathomable. This is the point though if there was no longer any distractions people would begin to think for themselves and uproot the system that has been effectively enslaving us

Honestly, even if I manage to get over it somehow as an individual the knock on effects on the vast majority of society being slaves to it are vast and I see no way back
I blame it for why people are having less sex, socialising less, getting into relationships less, having less friends and reporting overall lower life satisfaction

 

[Jgns]

Yeah my motivation is very extrinsic it only really happens when something external pushes me (deadlines, consequences, judgement etc)
Which is a horrible combination with living independently after moving to uni, with the very independent style of work and limited support systems. I just can’t self-impose restraint and discipline no matter what I try it has to be external which you just dont get as an adult

that perfectly mirrors my life rn aswell I'm taking a break from uni rn to hardmax to fix my aforementioned issues so that hopefully a significant portion of that goes away. Do you think ur similar in regards to that aspect or is it smt different deeper down

 

[Jgns]

Honestly, even if I manage to get over it somehow as an individual the knock on effects on the vast majority of society being slaves to it are vast and I see no way back
I blame it for why people are having less sex, socialising less, getting into relationships less, having less friends and reporting overall lower life satisfaction

which alot of would be fixed if u got to hmtn or htn though tbf

 

[luuk]

that perfectly mirrors my life rn aswell I'm taking a break from uni rn to hardmax to fix my aforementioned issues so that hopefully a significant portion of that goes away. Do you think ur similar in regards to that aspect or is it smt different deeper down

I’m insecure but I acknowledge that my looks aren’t really whats holding me back, I’m tall and MTN (probably capped here without surgery) so its not my main concern
Unless your depression is genuinelly rooted in being treated badly for your appearance it won’t go away when you hardmaxx. If its insecurity you’ll still find things to be insecure about, if its brain chemistry then nothing you do other than altering that pathway is going to help

 

[Jgns]

I’m insecure but I acknowledge that my looks aren’t really whats holding me back, I’m tall and MTN (probably capped here without surgery) so its not my main concern
Unless your depression is genuinelly rooted in being treated badly for your appearance it won’t go away when you hardmaxx. If its insecurity you’ll still find things to be insecure about, if its brain chemistry then nothing you do other than altering that pathway is going to help

its honestly probably a combination of all three but yeah I agree if its brain chemistry then its fucked. Have you talked to any psychologists or experts abt your condition

 

[luuk]

its honestly probably a combination of all three but yeah I agree if its brain chemistry then its fucked. Have you talked to any psychologists or experts abt your condition

Not yet
On a waitlist for an adhd assessment I’m 90% sure I have it, I’ve had a lot of different people tell me to look into it and it describes pretty much every pattern of my life

Never been to a therapist I really should but I don’t have any money (too many lectures and too much coursework with my degree to work during term time have to wait until summer) and my parents are the old fashioned kind who would just tell me to man up or smth jfl

 

[lowtiersubhuman]

Theres a strange rigidity to it in that when something important goes wrong I can’t easily adapt/switch plans and just go into cope mode and rot here or doomscroll. Same when I have a big event or plan late in the day, I get nothing done before it I’m just in waiting mode

My life has to have near perfect order for me to function well, when something majorly disturbs it I waste a day or so doing nothing until I can lock in again. Like I can commit to good habits and lock in for a bit and then go out late one night and wake up at 1am with a hangover and a cold and I get absolutely nothing done for the next 3 days. My laptop died yesterday from water damage completely disrupting my plans to study and do some design work and I just woke up late and did nothing all day and now I’m staying up for no reason.

The thing is I can be freakishly productive when my brain behaves. I’ve gotten As on university level engineering exams after genuinely 2 all nighters of studying after procrastinating massively for the whole semester because when I need to lock in I can lock in. But motivation has to be extrinsic, tangible and imminent, my brain doesn’t like delayed gratification, which is a death tier trait as literally everything good requires delayed gratification

I’m so incredibly susceptible to the dopamine traps of the modern world, the fact that they’ve engineered algorithms, food, drugs porn etc to exploit human reward mechanisms so effectively is pure fucking evil and genuinely civilisation ending at its logical conclusion

I need to medicate the shit out of myself but the nanny state doesn’t hand them out easily

Same bro and I hate when I have a plan laid out and someone tries to interrupt me ans ruin it all

 

[Jgns]

Not yet
On a waitlist for an adhd assessment I’m 90% sure I have it, I’ve had a lot of different people tell me to look into it and it describes pretty much every pattern of my life

Never been to a therapist I really should but I don’t have any money (too many lectures and too much coursework with my degree to work during term time have to wait until summer) and my parents are the old fashioned kind who would just tell me to man up or smth jfl

fuck I feel that but try your hardest to reason with them trust theres almost always room with parents just present proof they would understand

 

[luuk]

fuck I feel that but try your hardest to reason with them trust theres almost always room with parents just present proof they would understand

My dad would lowk just be ashamed of me, my mum would probably be ok with it but she’d be worried for me
I’ll just save up in the summer and see from there
I need to go to bed its like 3am and I have no business staying up this late on org
org is honestly just as bad as some of these doomscrolling sites for me because theres the addictive cycle of post -> reply/rep -> reply to that

 

[Jgns]

My dad would lowk just be ashamed of me, my mum would probably be ok with it but she’d be worried for me
I’ll just save up in the summer and see from there
I need to go to bed its like 3am and I have no business staying up this late on org
org is honestly just as bad as some of these doomscrolling sites for me because theres the addictive cycle of post -> reply/rep -> reply to that

used to be like that with my father but hanging out with him doing a hobby and talking around the issue until u get here has really helped. Yeah do that and go to sleep then bro same shits gn be here tmr

 

[HTNAntoine]

Theres a strange rigidity to it in that when something important goes wrong I can’t easily adapt/switch plans and just go into cope mode and rot here or doomscroll. Same when I have a big event or plan late in the day, I get nothing done before it I’m just in waiting mode

My life has to have near perfect order for me to function well, when something majorly disturbs it I waste a day or so doing nothing until I can lock in again. Like I can commit to good habits and lock in for a bit and then go out late one night and wake up at 1am with a hangover and a cold and I get absolutely nothing done for the next 3 days. My laptop died yesterday from water damage completely disrupting my plans to study and do some design work and I just woke up late and did nothing all day and now I’m staying up for no reason.

The thing is I can be freakishly productive when my brain behaves. I’ve gotten As on university level engineering exams after genuinely 2 all nighters of studying after procrastinating massively for the whole semester because when I need to lock in I can lock in. But motivation has to be extrinsic, tangible and imminent, my brain doesn’t like delayed gratification, which is a death tier trait as literally everything good requires delayed gratification

I’m so incredibly susceptible to the dopamine traps of the modern world, the fact that they’ve engineered algorithms, food, drugs porn etc to exploit human reward mechanisms so effectively is pure fucking evil and genuinely civilisation ending at its logical conclusion

I need to medicate the shit out of myself but the nanny state doesn’t hand them out easily

Are you mentally ill by any chance

 

[Rhinomaxed]

Has anything helped you at all or are we cooked
I’ve been using modafinil to some limited success but it can also go pretty badly if I get distracted because then I’m just doing some absolute bullshit for like 10 hours
Also tends to descend me a bit I get dry as fuck, don’t eat enough and acne flares up

I need some proper stims but I’m also scared that I’d start abusing them

I’ve made countless threads about this but, no one seems to relate.

I’m like you op.

 

[Rhinomaxed]

Not yet
On a waitlist for an adhd assessment I’m 90% sure I have it, I’ve had a lot of different people tell me to look into it and it describes pretty much every pattern of my life

Never been to a therapist I really should but I don’t have any money (too many lectures and too much coursework with my degree to work during term time have to wait until summer) and my parents are the old fashioned kind who would just tell me to man up or smth jfl

I’m on a 86 week waitlist

 

[luuk]

Are you mentally ill by any chance

Probably

I’ve made countless threads about this but, no one seems to relate.

I’m like you op.

Appreciate seeing a lot of likeminded people here I’m sure this sort of place attracts them

 

[luuk]

I’m on a 86 week waitlist

Yeah its fucking mad i’m going private so its not as long but its still gonna be like 6 months

 

[lurkerbeserker]

I have been diagnosed with ADD as well and I’ve been prescribed medication that I just started taking again which is ineffective. So I don’t even take it consistently. My brain is far too fried for it to make it difference anyway. The only thing show for is my looks which are admittedly around chadlite level by the standards of this forum but are completely inconsequential due to the where I live and who I live with which is essentially hard cap the amount of exposure I get to people and extremely limit the amount of social networking I can do. At this point I’m holding out on the cope that once I move out I can leverage my looks to create connections that lead me to financial success.

 

[Rhinomaxed]

Yeah its fucking mad i’m going private so its not as long but its still gonna be like 6 months

My parents won’t pay, it’s like £6000 for an assessment let alone the actual drug i’ll take.

They’re just putting me in a situation where I know i’m very smart but cannot apply it to situations so, I have to resort to getting it from somewhere else.

 

[luuk]

I have been diagnosed with ADD as well and I’ve been prescribed medication that I just started taking again which is ineffective. So I don’t even take it consistently. My brain is far too fried for it to make it difference anyway. The only thing show for is my looks which are admittedly around chadlite level by the standards of this forum but are completely inconsequential due to the where I live and who I live with which is essentially hard cap the amount of exposure I get to people and extremely limit the amount of social networking I can do. At this point I’m holding out on the cope that once I move out I can leverage my looks to create connections that lead me to financial success.

If you’re genuinely chadlite thats crazy, get out of whatever isolated shithole you’re in and use it to your advantage
Brain chemistry pill doesn’t care about your looks though unfortunately, if meds can’t even help then im not sure what can

 

[luuk]

My parents won’t pay, it’s like £6000 for an assessment let alone the actual drug i’ll take.

They’re just putting me in a situation where I know i’m very smart but cannot apply it to situations so, I have to resort to getting it from somewhere else.

Yeah its tragic really, the healthcare system in this country is so cooked
At least there are free options but they practically don’t exist for many when you have to wait years for them

 

[Rhinomaxed]

Yeah its tragic really, the healthcare system in this country is so cooked
At least there are free options but they practically don’t exist for many when you have to wait years for them

Are you in the United Kingdom too?

 

[luuk]

Are you in the United Kingdom too?

Yeah
On the NHS I was looking at like 3 year wait times

 

[Rhinomaxed]

Yeah
On the NHS I was looking at like 3 year wait times

It’s soooo brutal istg.

Hey man we should get in touch on pm tomorrow.

 

[luuk]

It’s soooo brutal istg.

Hey man we should get in touch on pm tomorrow.

For sure
We should probably both be asleep by now but sounds like we’re in similar situations
gn

 

[Rhinomaxed]

For sure
We should probably both be asleep by now but sounds like we’re in similar situations
gn

Goodnight.

 

[lurkerbeserker]

If you’re genuinely chadlite thats crazy, get out of whatever isolated shithole you’re in and use it to your advantage
Brain chemistry pill doesn’t care about your looks though unfortunately, if meds can’t even help then im not sure what can

I’ve been talking about moving out for a while now but my situation is complicated. I’m still on my parents insurance and healthcare and my mom is the only thing keeping a roof over my head and food on the table. I’ve brought up moving out of state a couple times but she always counters by saying I don’t have any skills I could take with me that would result in a career which is unfortunately true. I’m inbetween jobs atm and dropped community college because I decided to test my luck on getting my real estate license but that’s slowly becoming less and less feasible because A the course is boring as shit and B I can’t focuse because I’m a brain rotted zombie. My savings are at an all time low as well so I’m looking for part time work but that’s just going to guarantee that I stay around here for longer which I don’t want. Thanks for reading the ramblings of a schizophrenic chadlite

 

[luuk]

I’ve been talking about moving out for a while now but my situation is complicated. I’m still on my parents insurance and healthcare and my mom is the only thing keeping a roof over my head and food on the table. I’ve brought up moving out of state a couple times but she always counters by saying I don’t have any skills I could take with me that would result in a career which is unfortunately true. I’m inbetween jobs atm and dropped community college because I decided to test my luck on getting my real estate license but that’s slowly becoming less and less feasible because A the course is boring as shit and B I can’t focuse because I’m a brain rotted zombie. My savings are at an all time low as well so I’m looking for part time work but that’s just going to guarantee that I stay around here for longer which I don’t want. Thanks for reading the ramblings of a schizophrenic chadlite

Complicated situation i get what you mean
Its probably in your best interest to lock in with the real estate license just to get a ticket out of state so you can figure out what you wanna do in life and meet people
Perhaps the promise of a new life can be enough motivation if you hype it up enough but I know what its like to pretty much only function on intrinsic, tangible motivation
Good luck either way
I need to actually go to bed this time

 

[miloeatscookies]

Do you perform well in school otherwise?