My entire life ive always just been a placeholder

[Tesarossa]

From birth i had a brother that passed away before me and i just happened to be the one kid of my mothers many miscarriages to actually survive. I go out my way to make friends with people at school but everyone else already has friends so i just keep them company until the other friends come along. I try to befriend new kids with no friends but i end up just getting replaced when they find someone else. Ive been cheated on in every relationship or talking stage ive been in. I think the count is about 5/6. I dont have any siblings my father died, and my mother is always at work. Ive spent most my days alone and it hurts so unbelievably bad anything i try to do to cheer myself up is overshadowed by an actual physical pain in my chest it feels like being on a rollercoaster but slightly painful and in my heart. I get lots of attention from women but they all end up playing me. I get positive reinforcement on my appearence all the time yet im still soo alone i cant take it anymore man.